The Ones Who Descend Into Misery
by LokiLove24028
Summary: It has been almost 4 months now since Evie and Spencer Reid have been dating. Things return to almost normal since the last incident, but their happiness is short lived. When tragedy strikes, Spencer will be left with situations he never thought he'd have to deal with, eventually even turning to an old "friend": Dilaudid. Will he overpower it or will the darkness consume him?
1. Reality Above Dreams

**"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."** **~Dr. Seuss**

The deafening sound of shots being fired filled the air. It was all Spencer could hear. He couldn't keep them straight; which ones were firing towards him and which ones were firing away. It made no difference at one point. Suddenly his whole world was being turned upside down; spun inside and out. It all happened in less than a second, but it all took effect in what seemed like slow motion.

The first thing he saw in the midst of the cross fire was the barrel of the gun across the street, pointed right at him. There was no place to run or hide. There was no time to undertake either one of those things either. He could only stand there as the black gun directed it's fatal bullet's path towards his chest.

The second thing he saw was only a flash of color at first. It was a person in his peripheral vision. He knew it wasn't Hotch, or Morgan, or JJ, or Rossi. They were all shooting from different spots behind him. Spencer's heart lurched as his eyes flickered to her for the fraction of the second he had. At the last possible point, she ran in front of him.

He didn't have time to yell out in protest. He didn't have time to even move his pinkie finger. In slowed time he watched in horror as the gun released, and almost at the same moment he watched her fall in front of him, the bullet burying deep into her abdomen. Spencer could hear someone cry out, and not until later would he realize it was his own horrified scream.

His one truest love hit the pavement, below the chaos of the shootout that carried on without her. Her gorgeous hair... her hair that always smelled of his favorite Eucalyptus and Rain. Her beautiful delicate body... her body that he spent so much time cuddling and kissing; it stilled. Her eyes... the ones that had caused him to fall in love with her in the first place, flickered with a glimpse of sparkling life one last time before they went empty and blank. His heart felt as if it was brutally ripped from his chest as he realized his worst nightmare had come true. Evie was dead.

1 Week Earlier

Spencer went running through the halls of the BAU, looking in every room as he passed, becoming more and more disappointed as he found each one empty every time. He ran down the steps to the bullpen, running to Evie's cubicle to find that vacant as well. Spencer groaned in frustration. Where was that girl?

"Hey, what's the rush, kid?" Morgan asked, watching Spencer with an amused smirk as he anxiously continued looking for Evelyn.

"Evie... Have you seen Evie?" Spencer asked, scanning over the people rushing around the room carrying out different tasks like every other day at work. He went to JJ's desk where she was tacking up a new picture of Henry to the wall.

"Have you seen Evie?" he asked. JJ looked up at Spencer and gave him a sympathetic look.

"No. Sorry, Spence." she said. Spencer ran his hands through his hair with frustration. He couldn't wait any longer to see her!

"Hey, woah." Morgan said, calmly walking over to Spencer with the usual Morgan-swagger in his step. "Calm down, Pretty Ricky. I think she might've walked into Hotch's office a minute ago to put her files on his desk." Morgan told him, holding his hands out in front of him in attempt to calm Reid down. He couldn't calm down though.

"Thanks!" he exclaimed before bounding off past the office cubicles and to the stairs where he jumped up to skip every second step. He ignored the stares of everyone his whizzed past and made his way to Hotch's office, pushing through the door. She stood in front of Hotch's desk, completely breath takingly beautiful like always. Her brown curls reached past her shoulders and her slim figure perfectly fit into her tight black pencil skirt and low cut shirt that drove Spencer off-the-wall insane. And one of the best parts was that Hotch wasn't there.

Evie glanced back and locked eyes with him for a moment, her gorgeous gray orbs meeting his. She smiled for half of a second before she turned back towards Hotch's desk to set down a few brown FBI folders full of papers.

"Hey, you. I-" Evie began to say, but Spencer never let her finish. With one sweeping movement, he rushed into the room and tore Evie off of her feet from behind, lifting her high into the air with his arms secured around her waist. Evelyn shrieked with astonishment as Reid spun her around in his arms, burying his face into the back of her neck.

"Evie, Evie, Evie, Evie..." he continued to chant excitedly over and over again. She giggled with childish delight as he whirled around with delectation.

"Spence..." she laughed, nearly out of breath. "Spence, you're going to make me sick or something." she joked. He kissed her shoulder one last time before setting her back down onto the dull gray carpet that covered all of the floors of the BAU. She turned to face him, her eyes sparkling with amusement as he excitedly pulled her waist close against hers.

"I'm so proud of you." he said, thinking to himself about how much he really needed to lay off of the coffee. She blushed and looked down at the ground with a shy smile while brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. Sometimes she would do this. She'd go back to being that apprehensive girl he met in the cafe a little over three months ago. It felt like so much more than three months though. With how much they've been through, it felt like a lifetime. The greatest part was that he got to have a lifetime more.

"Thank you. It wasn't as bad as I thought, you were right." she said as he felt her arms wrap around the back of his neck that was uncovered now that he had gotten a haircut not long ago. It was starting to get pretty long and it'd always be in his eyes so he cut it short again so that it perfectly ruffled on the top of his head. Evie still had trouble keeping her hands from playing with it all of the time.

"I told you! You had no reason to worry yourself so much! The gun qualification tests are stupid anyway." he said, rolling his eyes and waving it off. Evie chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Is that because you failed it so many times?" she asked, eyeing him knowingly. Spencer 'pffted' and shook his head.

"Uh... No..." he said doubtingly. Evie laughed and leaned in to peck his lips. Spencer hummed happily and pulled her body against his into a hug. He rubbed her back and felt her melt into him. He was so glad she'd passed her gun qualification tests. He knew she would, but she had been stressing so much over the past week that she nearly made herself sick. Having it done and over with was like a breath of fresh air.

"Okay. What do you want to do tonight? We can do whatever you want." Spencer said, backing up to see her gorgeous thinking face. She bit her bottom lip and pulled her eyebrows together just a bit while diverting her eyes to stare off into space and thought.

"After all that anxiousness over the past week, I really could use a nice relaxing movie at home with some take out food." she said, smiling at Spencer over her shoulder, beginning to walk out of Hotch's office. Spencer followed her into the hallway where they had to remain professional again to his dismay.

"Did you know 24% of Americans get take out food 2-3 times a week?" Spencer asked her, more facts popping into his head that he wanted to share but held back from. Evie shook her head, her hair brushing against her back.

"I did not. Thanks for sharing." she said, glancing back at him again and giving his hand a subtle squeeze. "I'm going to grab my stuff, then we can go." Evie told him. Spencer slowed to watch her walk through the bullpen, smiling and thanking everyone who congratulated her on passing her qualifications. He remembered back to when he'd almost lost her two months ago. Well, it was more vice versa, but still. Without her, he was only a shell of statistics. She was his purpose, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Evie struggled with her handful of bags as she ascended the stairs to her and Spencer's apartment. She nearly stumbled on the last step, but regained her balance and continued down the hall to their door. After work, Spencer and Evie had returned home to find they were almost completely out of food. She'd let Spencer go to the store but he always came home with jello, rice crispy treats, and a lot of pretzels, and nothing else. His eating habits were definitely different. Sometimes she wondered how he stayed so skinny.

So instead, Evie told him to stay home away from any temptations of candy or anything like that. She reached the door and stumbled around in her pocket for the key, twisting it into the lock. With a few clicks, it popped open, the door hitting the wall on the opposite side. She stammered inside, setting the heavy bags down on the kitchen counter with gratitude, finally ridding of the load.

Sighing, Evie looked around at the dim apartment filled with books and things that were purely Spencer. Her things were slowly starting to blend in with his, making it her apartment just as much as his. Her newest drawings were scattered on the coffee table, and her favorite fiction books were stacked in her corner that looked small compared the the thousands of books on philosophers and other informational readings that Spencer had collected over the years.

Spencer himself was a sleeping heap on the couch. His face was buried in his arms that were crossed in front of him. He lied on his stomach, his legs stretching all the way to the end of the couch. His back steadily rose and fell, keeping time with his soft breathing. Evie smiled to herself while watching her little sleeping angel. It was the end of the week and her and Reid were always exhausted by then. When usual couples would go out on Friday's, these were their days to just crash at home and fall asleep in each other's arms.

With this in mind, Evie tried to be quiet as she let him sleep. She eased the products out of the bag, putting away milk and eggs in the fridge for tomorrow and restocking the pantry with Spencer's favorite snacks, and chocolate pretzels for herself. She gently hummed while doing so, still in a good mood from passing her gun qualifications. She really felt like someone had lifted a billion pounds off her chest. She wished she didn't worry about things so much, but she couldn't help it. It was who she was. Spencer always said it was cute. She didn't see what he was seeing because all she knew was that she stressed too much.

"Ev- Ev..." she heard a moan come from the living room. Evie shut the doors of the cabinet under the sink where she was throwing away plastic packaging. She looked over the marble counters to see Spencer stirring on the cushions he rested on, his hair running through his fingers that he was anxiously burying his face into.

She walked around the counter to carefully make her way past the coffee table and to his side. She knelt on the carpet and immediately went to put a delicate hand on the side of his face that was contorted and twisted into a pained expression. Evie's heart fell seeing the way he cringed away in fear. Ever since the whole torture incident, he'd been having awful nightmares. Everytime she'd wake him, he'd either be silent and just lie in her arms shaking, only to wake up the next morning and deny the fact he remembered it, or he'd wake up and instantly say he was fine and deny the fact he ever had a nightmare at all. She tried to confront him numerous times, but he was distant about the issue. Within the next two minutes he was completely fine anyhow, and the situation was altogether forgotten.

"Spence," Evie whispered, running her hands through his now short hair that sweeped across the top of his forehead. He moaned and stirred once more without waking. This was usually when Evelyn would be getting more distressed. "Spencer, honey wake up." she pleaded, trying to keep her voice as calm as she could.

His eyes abrubtly opened, his brown irises looking around the room in panic, seeing images from his dreams that weren't there. She put a hand on his shoulder and moved her face in close to his so she could feel his breath on her skin.

"Hey... You're okay." she assured him. Spencer's frantic eyes landed on hers and instantaneously softened, slowing her fast heart beats to a normal and more serene state. They looked into each other for a few moment, just acknowledging in one another's presence. Spencer was the first to move, leaning forward to melt into her shoulder, nestling his face deep into her neck.

"How was the store?" he asked with an obvious attempt to keep his voice bright, completely avoiding the ordeal once again. Evie sighed and let her shoulders sag, deciding that maybe now wasn't the right time. She just kept telling herself that it wasn't time yet, it wasn't time. Maybe he'd come around soon. He had yet to do that, but she didn't know what else to do.

"It had a lot of food." she answered. Spencer sniggered at her plain comment and moved to encase her in his arms. Evie couldn't help but smile despite her angst towards his disturbed thoughts and sleep. She kissed the soft hair on top of his head and took a deep breath in, smelling the wonderful scent that was purely Spencer.

"So how does Chinese sound?" he mumbled.

"Sounds perfect."

The night had ended up with Evelyn and Spencer lying to face each other on a blanket they had spread over the carpeted floor. There were empty cartons of what once held Chinese food scattered throughout the room. Every single candle that they could dig up in the flat was set out around them in different shapes and sizes, each of them lit with a soft flickering flame against the rest of the darkness throughout the apartment that they'd created after turning off all of the lights.

The flames cast shadows across Spencer's features as Evie looked into them, enhancing every curve and edge of his face and every darkened outlines that shaped his face became even sharper and more obscured, angling his face perfectly. The way he propped his head up on the palm of his hand as he looked back into Evie's eyes from a few inches away was provoking every ounce of her body that longed to feel every part of him.

"Alright... Favorite Musical?" Evie asked him in a whisper since they were close enough for it to be all they needed in terms of volumes to talk in. Spencer scrunched his nose up in an adorable thinking face, slightly arching his back behind him to stretch, pressing his body into hers in the process. She closed her eyes and sighed in true bliss at the action.

"Phantom of the Opera. Andrew Lloyd Webber is a genius." Spencer said, his eyes sparkling with amusement at the thought. "You?" They'd been playing a game they often liked to play where they'd ask for a favorite of something or they'd say something like 'sweet vs salty' and then they'd compare answers.

"I honestly can't decide." she admitting, smiling guiltily. Spencer's face broke into a smile as he chortled with entertainment.

"You can never decide!" he pointed out. Evie joined in, chuckling at her own indecisiveness.

"Mm... Les Miserables." she said, finally picking. Spencer raised his eyebrows and nodded.

"Alright. I should've seen that coming since you've made me watch it a total of four times now." he told her. His face then changed into an expression she knew all too well. It was his matter-of-face expression that told her facts and statistics were coming. "You know, Victor Hugo was the original author of the book. He published it in..."

"1862." Evie smiled, reaching up to push her fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck. Spencer smirked at her before leaning his head back into her hand and making a content noise that almost sounded like a cross between a happy hum and purring.

"You smartcookie." he cooed, closing his eyes and gently smiling with complacency.

"You're the genius." she said, continuing the way her hand and fingers massaged the back of his neck. Spence let out a soft groan and she instantly knew she found one of his vulnerable spots. He had certain places where she could either calm him down in a split second or make him go crazy. She always joked he was like a cat the way he loved being rubbed and massaged.

"Well, if we are talking in technical terms." he said, raising his eyebrow cockily. Evie rolled her eyes and poked his side, making him jump. His eyes snapped open and he was ripped from his little zen moment.

"Hey!" he interjected. He glowered at her before taking hold of her waist and pulling it into his. "So... Worst fear." he said, carrying on with the game. Evie sighed and looked down at the ground. She was worried he'd eventually get to that question. She whispered her answer in a small voice that she couldn't even hear herself. Spencer mildly ran the back of his hand against the skin of the side of her face. She knew his concerned eyes would be looking down at hers, so she couldn't bring herself to look up into his gaze.

"Hmm?" he asked again.

"Abandonment." she said, still diverting her eyes from his own. Spencer sighed and she found herself binded in his arms faster than she knew what was happening even though he did it slowly and gently. She let herself descend into his chest, listening to the calming thumping of his heartbeat that she listened to everynight as she fell asleep.

"Evie. I'm not going to leave you, honey." he told her soothingly. Evelyn wrapped her arms around him, pulling herself closer to the best thing she's ever had in her life. She listened to his breathing and felt the hot air blow against her neck as he inhaled and exhaled with a alleviating rythm.

"I know. You tell me everyday." she said, a smile creeping up on her lips that she pressed against his exposed collarbone above the opened collar of his dress shirt. She closed her eyes as Spencer rubbed her back, making small cirles through her camisole that she was left in after she got rid of her work clothes. She loved coming home and instantly getting into leggings or sweatpants, or pajama pants. She wore her soft flannel pajam shorts now so her soft legs were exposed in the candle light. She knew how much Spencer loved when she wore those shorts.

"Then why don't you believe me?" he asked. It wasn't accusing. It was truly worried. Evie sighed hot breath into his shirt as he loosened his grip so she could lean back to look back into his eyes.

"I do, I do. You're just so amazing, Spence. You can't blame me for being scared of losing the best thing in my life." she tried to explain. She wanted to tell him it didn't have anything to do with Calvin. Well, her ex-boyfriend may have sparked the fire that caused her to be this way, but Spencer wasn't Calvin. He wouldn't do to her what Cal did. It had taken her a while to finally accept and believe that since she had such difficulty trusting people, but she did. Spencer deserved all of her trust.

"Evie... I love you with a love I never thought was even possible. It's strong enough to move mountains. Metaphorically of course. In fact to this day, it's what I still consider the reason I'm still here. Without the thought of you waiting and counting on me to come back to you while I was dying in that prison, I would've let go long before we were rescued. I still tell myself that you saved my life, Evs. I have someone who is my night and day, my everything. I have something to live and fight and die for, and I'd be a fool to ever take that for granted. I promise you. I will never ever leave you." he told her, putting a fragile hand up to cup the side of her face. Evie smiled at him, rolling her eyes at herself at tears gathered in her eyes.

Don't cry, you wuss. She told herself, but no one had ever been as loving as Spencer was to her. She couldn't imagine a life without him. To think that she'd only met him about four months ago was unparalleled. She still had a hard time believing it.

Since the words were taken from her, Evie leaned in and pressed her lips to his instead. The softness and gentle feel never ceased to melt her insides and flip her stomach in circles. She moved her hand through his hair at the back of his head and pulled him closer as he did the same with her waist where a strip of skin was just barely showing in between her shorts and shirt. She could feel his tongue grazing her bottom lip lightly so she opened her mouth to him as she tasted the chocolate strawberries they had just eaten on his tongue.

Without even realizing what she was doing in the moment, Evs wrapped a leg around his waist and pulled their bodies flush against each other. Spencer moved his own legs to tangle with hers. Soon their bodies were completely entwined together nearly as one as they continued to kiss in the midst of their indoor picnic set up. When Evie pulled away for air, she was left breathless and staring into his longing eyes.

Evie smirked and reached past him to dip her finger into whipped cream left over on a plate that they had also used one their strawberries. With a devious smile she booped his nose, leaving a spot of whipped cream on the tip. Spencer closed his eyes and sighed with dissaproval as she laughed at the childish gesture. He smiled even if he was desperately trying not to and let out a short laugh. Before he was able to say anything, Evie quickly touched her tongue to his nose and licked it off, making Spencer squirm.

"Are you enjoying tormenting me?" he asked as he smiled a lopsided grin. Evie raised her eyebrows at him and leaned in close to press her lips against his warm neck. Their bodies were still bound close to eachother, neither one of them making any move to change that. She gently kissed the soft skin there at first, eventually getting hungrier with her movements and licking and sucking on his flesh, definitely leaving marks for the morning. "Jesus, this is the best torment ever." he joked while he moaned, increasing Evie's desire for him.

Getting impatient, Evie turned him so he was flat on his back on the blanket. With the leg still around his waist, she pulled herself up so she was straddling his hips on top of him, smiling down with a wicken gleam that said 'you're mine'. Spencer looked up at her with lust heavy in his eyes. She had always admired how much more intense his appearance grew when he was driven with want and eagerness, especially his eyes.

When she started moving her hips into his, he was completely lost. She loved when he went into his own world where his eyes rolled back and moans escaped his lips, even if he didn't intend them to. He'd whisper her name over and over without realizing it, like she was the only person in the world to him. She'd never felt this way about anyone before.

Evie continued grinding their hips together while feeling more and more of Spencer through his jeans as she went on, a few moans leaving her lips as well. His hands began traveling up her back, under her shirt. They felt every inch of her skin up to her bra strap and back down again where he began to tug the hem up, pulling the shirt up over her stomach. She felt the slightly colder air hit her skin, but the way Spencer and her were growing more frantic in her movement didn't leave option for being cold. She could hear the thump of their bodies hitting each other with each thrust of her hips and hear both of their breathing speed up drastically.

Her shirt was discarded within a couple of seconds so she was only in her black bra. Spencer's hands were now playing with the tips of her hair with one and tracing patterns in her back with another.

"You hair is getting long." he said in between pant, opening his eyes just a sliver to look up at her with glossy brown orbs.

"Mmm..." was all she managed to get out in return. Her hands were now fiddling with the buttons of his dress shirt. She only had four to go, but the way Spencer was thrusting his hips up into hers was making it hard to concentrate. When she had finally undone them all, she hurriedly slid it over his shoulders, discarding his as well.

"I love you." Spencer breathed out with a moan as he began tugging at the hem of her shorts. Evie arched her back and felt along the ridges of his chest.

"I love you too."


	2. Knowledge is Experience

**"The only source of knowledge is experience."** **~Albert Einstein**

Evie's eyes fluttered open and her senses returned to her as she woke from a dream she couldn't quite remember. There was an unfamiliar surface below her and a very familiar arm wrapped around her waist. She could already tell she wasn't wearing any trace of clothing, her arms shivering from the open air caused from her arms being untucked from the soft blanket covering the rest of her body. She took a couple of seconds to remember where she was, smiling at the night they'd had. She treasured every night like the one her and Spencer had last night. She'd never felt closer to anyone else in her entire life.

Evelyn moved her eyes down to look at the tightly secured arm around the bare skin of her waist. She trailed her eyes up to see Spencer sprawled out on the floor, filling her chest with building feelings of excitement just from how adorable he looked in that moment. She loved waking up to watch him sleep. He looked so innocent, even younger. His hair was a complete mess which she loved. His eyelashes looked longer when his eyes were closed, his lips even softer as quiet breaths escaped them. He lied on his side, facing her. The blanket was tangled around him so that most of his chest and back were revealed, the cloth hanging loosely on his hip. One leg portruded, stretched out away from Evie.

She couldn't let this moment go uncaptured. With a careful hand, Evie enclosed his wrist in her grasp and gently moved the arm from around her waist, accidentally dropping it so it thumped on the floor. She froze while watching Spencer stir in his sleep, scrunching up his face and stretching for a moment before resuming the same beautiful position sprawled out on the blanket.

Evie let out a relieved breath before letting herself smile with excitement. She reached over and grabbed Spencer's discarded dress shirt to slip it on. The sleeves hung big on her arms that were way too small for the size. She buttoned the front up a few buttons. It reached just past her waist so she was covered up just enough. Evie stood and quietly made her way across the living room floor, bending her legs dramatically to try to not make too much sound.

When in her room, she slipped a new pair of underwear on before running to her nightstand to snatch up her sketchpad and a handful of pencils. It took her some sifting around to do through her drawer, but eventually she found an eraser as well.

Evie ran back to the living room, hoping that Spencer hadn't woken up or moved from his position. She was elated to find him tangled in the blanket in the same perfect way. She sat on the floor 'criss-cross applesauce'. She lied her sketchpad on her lap and set her pencils down in a perfectly straight line because she couldn't arrange them any other way. She studied Spencer, not being able to help the smile that spread across her lips.

As soon as she started scribbling out the shape of his body, there was no stopping her. Evie scratched the pencil across the page, trying to be as quiet as she could as to not wake Spence. She curved out the shape of his muscles and shaded in his touseled hair.

Lost in drawing, she didn't keep track of how much time had gone by. If she had to guess, she'd guess about seven to ten minutes before she was finally nearly finished. She continued to add highlights and shadows in just the right places. Engrossed in her work, the sudden break of silence made her jump.

"You done yet?" Spencer's sleepy voice came. He still had his eyes closed in the same way, but he was obviously awake now. Evie took a deep breath, regaining herself after he started her. An amused smile crossed her lips as she watched him open one eye to look at her.

"How long have you been awake?" she asked.

"A couple of minutes." Spencer answered, opening both eyes now. "Can I stretch now?" he asked, a pleading look in his eys. Evie looked down at her paper, an exact reflection of Spencer in front of her at that moment except in black and white. Satisfied, she looked back up at him and nodded. Spencer let out a relieved breath and turned on his back to stretches his arms and legs out. Evie closed her sketchbook after taking one more look at the picture. She set it aside just in time for her to feel a warmth on her leg. Spencer had crawled over and laid his head in her lap, bringing the blanket with him. Evie lightly laughed and stroked his hair, making him smile and nuzzle her legs.

"So I've been thinking about our Christmas plans." Spencer proposed, talking into the skin of her legs. Evie raised her eyebrows. She had been wondering about that too. Earlier that week that had been trying to decide whether they'd have time to visit both his mother and Evie's father. When Evie had called her dad he said he was free pretty much every day like always. She really wished he get out more. He never had been the same since her mom died.

"And?" Evie asked.

"Oh, I don't know. I just said I've been thinking." Spencer answered plainly, making Evie laugh. He frowned up at her with a confused gaze, obviously not getting the humor.

"Well, I'm starving. I'll make breakfast, then we can talk about it."

"Nuh-uh. I'm making breakfast for you." Spencer said, pushing himself up a bit to look at at her to argue.

"No, you relax. I'll get it."

"Nope."

"You're stubborn."

"You are equally as stubborn." Spencer pointed out. Evie rolled her eyes and leaned down to kiss Spencer on the nose.

"Fine. We can both make breakfast."

Once Spencer got dressed in a pair of boxers and sweatpants, Evie heated the stove to make pancakes. She set the pan out and waited for it to warm up while Spencer got all of the supplies from the pantry and put it on the counter. They usually liked to cook for each other, but sometimes they'd cook together as well. It wasn't a big kitchen, but they didn't mind.

"I think we should head down to Vegas for at least a couple nights." Evie said while putting her hand over the pan to check the temperature. She listened to Spencer bustling around with the pancake mix behind her, waiting for an answer.

"Why's that?" he asked over his shoulder. Evie kept her eyes down at the stove and shrugged.

"You rarely get to see your mom, we should probably stay a while." she explained her thinking. Suddenly she felt hands on her hips and Spencer's waist press into her lower back. He kissed the top of her hair softly, taking a deep breath. He did this a lot. Something about liking her shampoo, he said.

"Okay. We could do that. What about your dad?" he asked her, rubbing circles with his thumbs on her skin under his shirt that she was still wearing. Evie sighed and thought about that. She hadn't seen her dad since right before she started work with the BAU. He was a whole lot closer than Las Vegas though.

"We can just do one night." Evie responded, not saying anything else. Spencer's movements stopped and he just stood behind her with his hands stilled on her hips. She could tell he was going to question her.

"Only one night? Are you sure?" he asked, just as she suspected.

"Yeah." she plainly said, hoping he wouldn't profile her into getting more answers. Who was she kidding though. Once a profiler, always a profile.

"What's wrong, darling?" he asked, leaning down to rest his head on her shoulder. He turned his head to kiss the side of hers, making her smile just a bit. He wrapped his arms fully around her waist and pulled her close. She loved when he did that. It always created a sense of security.

"Nothing, nothing. I just- my mom was killed in the same house. My father refuses to move away." she said casually at first, then growing more and more quiet as her answer went on. Spencer stayed on her shoulder for a while. Evie listened to his breathing go in and out as she pretended to be interested in the heating pan on the stove. She really didn't want to make a big deal of this. It hurt less if she didn't talk about her mother's passing.

"I'll do whatever you want to do." Spencer's answer finally came. He quieted his tone to match hers and stayed in the same position. She wondered if he was falling asleep again. He liked to fall asleep on her shoulder.

"One night will be good, I think." she finalized, putting her hands on his arms that were still secured tightly around her waist. Spencer nodded and took a deep breath.

"So that'd mean... We'll get a flight to see my mom and arrive on December 20th. Then on December 23rd, we'll get a flight to your Dad's house where we'll stay until Christmas Eve which will be the day we'll get a flight back to DC in time to go to JJ's house for dinner. Sound good?" he said, planning out their schedule. Evie pursed her lips, thinking about it for a moment before nodding.

"Sounds good." she agreed. "I think this is warm enough. Get over there and make the pancake mix." she joked, nudging Spencer in the ribs lightly with her elbow. He lazily groaned in protest, but turned to go do it anyway. Evie turned to watch him pour the mix in a bowl. She watched his shoulder blades move with his muscles tightening in certain spots. She loved when he kept his shirt off.

Evie finally decided to stop staring and help him. She grabbed a measuring cup from the cabinet above her head, luckily forgetting about the almost-talk about her mother. She turned on the faucet and watched the water flow into the glass. It's not that she minded talking about everything with Spencer. It usually felt better afterwards in fact. Just even saying the word "mom" still made her sad. It had been thirteen years since she'd died and still she was shaken up. Evie guessed anyone would be after witnessing their own mother's murder in their own home.

Walking over to Spencer to pour the water in the bowl, she brushed the memories away. Spencer instinctively wrapped an arm around her waist as she approached, making her smile. She never would've guessed Dr. Spencer Reid was so cuddly when she first had met him.

Out of the corner of her eye, Evie saw Spencer raise his arm to look at a spot where he'd gotten pancake mix on. He frowned and then turned his arm to examine it more and lightly blew on his arm to blow off the powdery mix. Unfortunately he hadn't thought it through too well and all of the pancake mix blew off right into Evie, coating her hair and face with white powder. She squeezed her eyes shut and tensed, clenching her fists and listening Spencer go "ohhhhhh...".

"Sorry..." he whispered. Evie raised her hands to wipe the powder off of her face so she could open her eyes and look at him with an angry glare. Spencer made an innocent apologetic face and cringed away, but she could still see the corner of his lips turning up in an amused smile. So he thought it was funny?

Evie let her own smile spread across her face, but hers was different. It was an evil smile that made Spencer's fade away as he back up, his hands raised in a defensive position.

"Hey, hey... What are you doing?" he asked, fear in his voice. Evie cocked an eyebrow at him and started moving forward towards her cringing boyfriend. She reached out with one hand towards the counter at the same time, dipping her hand into the feathery light pancake mix that sifted through her hands. "Evie... Sweetheart..." Spencer said. He tried to hide his smile, but he obviously wasn't doing too good of a job at that.

When Evie had him backed up against the other counter across from her she threw the handful of pancake mix at him as he crossed his arms over his face in defense. Evie laughed, watching the particles floating in the hair from the powder fade to reveal Spencer covered with a layer of white mix all over him. He let his arms fall to his sides as he wiped the powder from his face and shot her a glare.

Soon it was much more than pancake mix. Spencer grabbed a cap full of cooking oil and got it all over the shirt she was wearing. Evie's mouth fell open in surprise as she looked from his shirt she was wearing and back up at him. He looked amused until it seemed like he realized what was probably coming to him. His smile faded as Evie reached behind her, grabbing something from out of his view. She felt the cool jar on the counter behind her and undid the lid, not letting her eyes leave Spencer. She took a small scoop of jam in her hand and began inching forward.

"Can we call it truce?" Spencer asked, but even he sounded like he knew it was hopeless. He backed up as Evie advanced forward, neither of them making any progress. There was no where to run for him though.

With one swift motion, Evie lunged forwards and smeared the jelly all over the bare sides of his cest and stomach, coating him with a deep red-purple color. Spencer gasped and Evie realised it had just been in the fridge so it was probably cold on top of the stickiness. His reaction time was faster than last time. In no time, she was covered with whipped cream from the half empty can that was unfortunately sitting on the counter in grabbing distance of Spence. It wasn't long before it turned into a full out war in the middle of the kitchen.

Evie hid behind the other side of the counter, ducking away from Spencer's aim. She grasped an egg in her hand for defense, pushing herself against the wall to hide as best as possible. She stayed there for a while, her heart pounding but her lips smiling despite herself. It was silent; way too silent. What was he planning?

Just when Evie was about to straighten a bit to see over the counter, arms wrapped around her from behind and she was lifted off of the floor into Spencer's arms. She shrieked and tried to struggle out of his grasp but it was no use. Spencer spun her around making her dizzy as she laughed. When he finally put her down, she felt cold water run down from the top of her head through her hair, soaking it completely through. She pressed her lips together and turn to glare at Spencer who was smiling with amusement.

"I win." He said. Evie smiled a fake smiled at him and reached behind him with the hand holding the egg and up to his head where she smashed it, watching the insides trickle into his hair. Spencer instantly wiped the egg out of his hair the best he could, his mouth agape and eyes wide with surprise as he looked at Evie.

"I don't think so!" she said, yanking herself out of his grip and ran into to the other side of the counter with Spencer close behind. Soon it was once again a full out war with Spencer throwing flour and Evie throwing more pancake mix. Neither of them even noticed that both of their phones were buzzing on the coffee table in the living room, willing for someone to answer.

Suddenly, Spencer reached a hand forward and enclosed it around Evie's wrist. He yanked her forward so that their bodies were pressed together. Her eyes lifted up to meet with his. There was flour sticking to the tips of his hair and his eye lashes. There was some smeared on his forehead as well. Evie smiled and reached up to wipe some of it away, making Spencer squeeze his eyes shut and squirm.

"Stand still!" she reprimanded. He huffed and pressed his forehead to hers. His eyes traveled down to her hair where there was undoubtably flour and mix and other foods all over. He smiled to himself while Evie watched him do so. His eyes traveled back up to her lips where he stopped and gazed with longing. Evie put a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him close, smelling a mix of ingredient probably on them both. She felt his soft lips press against her own. Evie's eyes fluttered closed and she relaxed into him, kissing him harder.

Everything was great until she felt cool whipped cream smeared all over her back under her shirt. Evie broke from the kiss with a gasp and jumped back to see a smirking Spencer.

"Oh, you're gonna get it."

The food war commensed relentlessly, even more intense than before. Within a couple minutes of the food fight, there was a knock at their door. Evie stopped with a handful of mix still in her hand. She lowered it slowly, looking at Spencer with wide eyes who stared back with the same expression.

"I'm going to go get pants." Evie whispered before running to the couch to find her shorts that they'd thrown aside the other night. She heard Spencer's footsteps walk towards the door as she slipped the cloth over her smooth legs that were covered with flour, cooking oil, and whipped cream. She took a moment to look herself over, realizing what a mess she was. She grimaced and made her way to stand behind Spencer so that she could just barely see over his shoulder but the view of her was obscured by Spencer's body.

She watched as he reached forwards and turned the knob, opening the door just a crack so he could see outside without whoever was out there seeing the mess they'd made of themselves.

"Rossi?" Spencer said, confused. he opened the door fully so that him and Evie were reveal to a well dressed Rossi who's eyes widened at the sight of them. For a moment, they all stared at one another. Evie shrank back from Rossi's judging and unapproving eyes. There was a spark of amusement there however, as he finally clapped his hands together.

"Did you get any breakfast in your mouths or did you miss every time?" Rossi asked them sarcastically. Evie watched Spencer grimace and glance back at her, his guilty expression matching her own. "Well if you both are done wearing your food, we have a case. We've been trying to call you." Rossi explained, frowning at them through thick eyebrows.

"Uh... Okay. We'll be right over." Spencer stuttered. Evie suddenly was struck with how funny it was. Spencer was standing shirtless in the doorway with jam smudges all over his chest, powder everywhere, egg in his hair. She suspected she didn't look much better.

"I'd hurry if I were you." Rossi said, nodding towards Evie while eyeing her strangely at her appearance. She smiled a thin smile and nodded.

"Yes sir." she said before Rossi shook his head with a small smile and turned to walk away. Spencer closed the door and looked at Evie.

"Alright. How fast can we clean up?"

**So So So sorry I know I promised an update a while ago! I was writing at my rec center and when I got home all of the stuff I wrote there had been lost! It's taken a while to re-write! Anyway, I think I have my inspiration back so yay! I just needed a break! I'll try to be faster with the other updates!**


	3. Scared to Death

**"Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway."** **John Wayne**

"Is that... flour in your hair?" Morgan asked as Spencer and Evie walked into the round table room at the BAU. Spencer looked at Evie with a guilty glance and reached over to run his hands through a strand of her hair, probably getting flour out that she had missed. Morgan had a half-smile smirk painted on his face while watching them, shaking his head and raising his eyebrows. Luckily he didn't question them further.

It had taken them both about twenty minutes just to get the food off of them. It was nearly impossible to tell who had won their food fight, but they definitely got each other a little too good. Spencer still felt like his sides were sticky from jam and his hair was still wet and a bit slick from the egg Evie had gotten all over him. Not to mention the kitchen was still left a mess due to there being no time to clean it. He wasn't looking forward to that when they got home. The clothes they had been wearing were questionable as to whether or not they'd be able to get the food stains out. As he had complained to Evie, in the end it was only his clothes that got messy since she loved wearing his shirts.

"Alright fellow crime fighters." Garcia said as she wisped into the room with files in her hands. Her nailpolish was bright yellow which matched her new dress that she wore with purple accents. Everyone's attention turned to her over by the screen where she was displaying pictures. Spencer's hand immediately found Evie's under the table like he always did when new cases were presented. It made it just a bit easier for both him and Evs. She squeezed his hand back, both of them continuing to observe the pictures.

The first one was of a man with light brown hair and a normal build. There was a noose wrapped around his neck as he lied on red carpet, his limbs splayed out all around him. His eyes were still partially open a sliver, his dead orbs staring off into space.

"The first victim was found inside of the Metropolitan Opera House in New York City. The cause of death was strangulation by a noose that the unsub leaves around their neck before leaving them inside of the theater itself. The next two victims, one a male and another a female, were found in the same way but it different parts of the opera house." Garcia went on to explain, cringing at the sight of the photos on screen. Spencer felt Evie tense besides him like when she had something to say.

"It has unmistakable reference to Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera." She said, frowning at the screen. She had already switched on her determined work mode persona. She always told Spencer he had one of those too.

"Oh, it gets even better, my friends." Garcia said, suddenly frowning afterwards. "Or… worse. Whatever you want to say. There was also a single red rose placed on their chest post mortem."

"So we have someone taking on the persona of the Phantom? So what, we've got a copycat of a fictional serial killer?" Morgan asked, rubbing his chin in thought while leaning back in his chair.

"Possibly. We won't know for sure until we look further into it. We'll debrief a bit more on the plane. Wheel's up in thirty." Hotch said, already getting up out of his chair. Spencer took one last look at the pictures on the screen, remembering how similar it looked to the fictional character's work. This would be an interesting case.

The plane ride wasn't too long since New York wasn't too far from Quantico, at least on their jet anyway. They had debriefed on the plane a bit more. It was a really eerie case. Spencer was definitely more familiar with the Phantom of the Opera more than any other musical or opera as he was talking about with Evie the other night. Just the thought of the other night made Spencer smiled. He looked over at her and she looked back, giving him a small smile and reaching over to squeeze his hand. Sometimes it drove him crazy having to stay professional at work, but really he was just grateful they worked in the same place. He couldn't imagine having to away so often away from her.

"Alright, Rossi and Spencer will go to the opera house to check out the crime scenes. Morgan and I will go talk to the owner. JJ and Lawrence, try talking to the family of the first victim and go from there. Everyone good?" Hotch asked as the plane began to descend to land. The team exchanged glances and nodded in agreement. Within a few minutes they split up, going their separate directions. Spencer hopped in the passenger seat of an SUV with Rossi and they began to navigate through New York City traffic towards the opera house where the murders took place. On the way there, Garcia called.

"Alright, this opera house was founded in the 1880's. It's a part of the Lincoln Center in downtown New York and..."

"It's the largest and oldest Opera House in America with 3,800 seats. They perform twenty seven operas each year and-"

"Oh, well if I knew Reid was in the car I wouldn't have bothered!" Garcia snapped with a sassy tone over the phone. Spencer cringed and smiled guiltily.

"Sorry Garcia. Sometimes I can't turn it off." he apologized. He heard her 'pfft' over the phone. He really couldn't help it sometimes. His eidetic memory kicked in and words slipped out.

"Well the head custodian will meet you there out front. He'll show you around. He's also the one who found the bodies." She informed them, a little hint of annoyance still in her voice.

"Thanks Garcia." Rossi said.

"Garcia out!" she chirped happily once again before the phone clicked off. The cars were dense around them on the streets, more so as they got further into the heart of the city. Lights flashed around them on the tall skyscrapers. Spencer felt a little closed in, but he was used it. It reminded him a bit like a bigger version of Las Vegas.

It took them thirty minutes to just drive down eleven blocks until they finally reached Lincoln Center which was a gathering of multiple theaters and performing arts buildings. The Opera House stood big and proud amonst the buildings. There was a beautiful fountain in front of it, and large arches in front of the entirely glass front wall of the theater. Spencer's first thought was that Evie would absolutely adore it. He'd have to take her here someday. Suddenly remembering about the murders, he thought it might be good to wait a while to do so.

Rossi and Spence met the custodian out front like Garcia had promised. He took them through the huge marble lobby with intricate designs everywhere and into a back hallway that was marked 'Staff Only'. It was much less glamorous back there, creepy even. Spencer shivered while looking at the dim small hallway. He loved creepy 'halloweenish' things, but this really set him on edge.

"This is where we found the first body." the custodian said in a deep scruffy voice. He was a burly man with stubble and a mess of hair on his head. He looked to be about fifty seven and had tired eyes. He introduced himself as Joe Mishoner.

Mishoner had led them into one of the theaters. There were rows and rows of red chairs lined up. There was a huge stage before them with the curtains pulled closed. There were two levels of balconies above their heads and more detailed designs all over the walls and ceilings. It was absolutely breathtaking. Once again, he thought of Evie. She loved this kind of artsy old stuff.

"The CSI is still all over." the custodian told them. Spencer took note of the irritated sound of his voice while looking at the other people in dark windbreakers and white gloves roaming the theater, taking pictures and collected samples.

"Thank you for your help." Rossi said, dismissing Joe. He made eye contact with Spencer and nodded his head over to the place where most of the investigators were gathered around. There was yellow tape marking the place where the body was found.

"Such a shame to happen in such a beautiful place." Rossi said, kneeling besides the place where the body had been less than a day before. "Evelyn would like it here."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking." Spencer said, continuing to look around. The biggest question was how did someone get into America's most famous theater and kill someone without being noticed. Surely there was tons of security, Spencer knew the exact amount of guards and cameras. It didn't add up.

"Hey, genius." Rossi said, elbowing his side. Spencer snapped his head to the side, realizing Rossi had been calling his name and trying to talk to him for a while. "You're awfully quiet."

"Yeah, no. Just thinking." he said, biting his bottom lip and pulling his eyebrows together. He was aware of Dave still watching him through concerned eyes. He knew that look. Everyone gave him that look ever since the whole torturing incident. He hated that look.

"Are you okay, Reid?" Rossi asked. Spencer mentally sighed. Evie always pressed him on this issue too. He didn't even know the answer himself. Sometimes he was fine but sometimes he could almost feel the hot fire stoker in his back or the knife running across his chest. He remembered the exact feeling of thinking he wouldn't grow old with Evie or his friends. Certain things would bring those memories back and make it feel as if he was back in that old abandoned prison again. Spencer has been denying the idea of PTSD, but somewhere deep down inside of him, he knew he was still a bit traumatized.

"Yeah, fine." he said plainly.

"Spencer, you can't just push it away..."

"I'm fine!" Spencer snapped. He instantly regretted it. He had no idea where that had come from. He turned from Rossi and pretended to be engrossed in the crime scene. Reid still felt Dave's eyes drilling holes into the back of his head. He willed himself not to turn around though. He didn't want people's pity or their help. He could handle it himself.

"Alright." Rossi finally gave in. And with that, they continued to investigate the crime scene.

"I know it's hard. These questions will help us find the man who did this to your husband, however." JJ said, looking at the crying mess of a widowed woman in front of her. The woman nodded and looked like she was trying to keep a strong face, but suddenly she was overtaken with sobs once more. She buried her face in tissues as her body shook with cries of anguish. Evie's heart hurt for her. She couldn't even imagine...

"Why don't we take a break?" JJ suggested, reaching forward to put a hand on the woman's shoulder. The mid-twenties lady looked up at her with grateful red eyes and nodded. JJ looked over at Evs and nodded towards the doorway leading to the kitchen. Evie stood and with one last sympathetic look at the crying woman, she followed JJ out of the room.

"We've been here for fifteen minutes and we still don't have much to go off of." JJ said. She wasn't frustrated, just crest-fallen.

"He has nothing to do the theater and so far the victimology is altogether different. We have a mix of genders, hair color, eye color, and occupations. I wonder if it has anything to do with the Phantom of the Opera." Evie said, thinking out loud. JJ nodded and raised her eyebrows.

"Well if anyone would know it, it'd be you." she said. Evie gave her a small smile. The team always joked that Spencer was the academic nerd and she was the art nerd. "By the way, how's Spence?"

"What about him?" Evie asked, playing dumb. She realized that she was now doing the same thing Spencer did; pretending like nothing was happening when there was obviously something wrong. By the look on JJ's face, she obviously didn't buy it.

"Oh come on, Evie. We all know he's been acting weird. He's distant, he has a short temper, and sometimes he just fades off like he's having flashbacks. Have you talked to him yet?" She asked. Evie sighed and looked down at her hands, playing and chipping off her maroon nail polish. Her and Jennifer had had this conversation before. Whenever she needed something that she couldn't go to Spence for, she'd go to JJ.

"I've tried multiple times. He pushed it away and pretends nothing is wrong. I'm waiting for him to be ready to talk about it."

"Evie, you and I both know Spencer. He won't talk about it." JJ said. Evie knew she was right, she knew that all along but she had no idea what to do about it.

"Alright, I'll try to talk to him again." she said, dropping her arms to her sides and leaning against the counter imagining how she'd ask him.

"Don't be afraid to be more assertive." JJ told her, reaching over and giving her shoulder a squeeze like she had done with the victim's wife a moment ago. Evie looked up and forced a smiled at her. She just wanted her Spencer to be okay.

At the end of the night, the team had advanced further into the case. Evie had figured out that the victims had closely related to the appearance of characters from the Phantom of the Opera. It seemed that the victims had been stalked for a week leading up to their deaths. Spencer was proud of her. She'd really been getting a hang of profiling and victimology and the team in general.

As for how he'd gotten into a theater, they'd figured there was a partner. The accomplice was under his dominant partner as for authority, and didn't take part in the murder. He only helped breaking the unsub in. All leads they had led to the custodian being the accomplice. Spencer couldn't say he was too surprised. Something about his facial expressions and the glare in his eyes showed... fear, almost. Fear of being caught.

It was too late for that however. Rossi and Spencer had him in the interrogation room of the NYPD. It hadn't taken long to get a confession, and still he wouldn't give up the identity of the unsub. He did however, end up giving them almost equally important information. The next murder was tonight. As soon as Rossi was able to squeeze that out of him, Spencer pulled out his phone and called Hotch.

"Reid, what is it?" his boss's voice answered.

"Hotch, the next murder is tonight. The unsub already has a way in. Mishoner still isn't giving up the identity of the unsub. He says if he did, he'd be next." Spencer got everything out in a rushed sentence.

"Alright, we need to get over there qui-" Hotch suddenly stopped in the middle of his sentence. There was a murmer that sounded to be Morgan in the background. Spencer heard Hotch swear under his breath.

"Another body just showed up in the theater. They shut off all exits. He is somewhere in there. Everyone needs to get to the Opera House now. We'll meet you guys down here." Hotch said, not leaving any room for objection. Spencer nodded to himself and hung up, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. He opened the interoggation room door, turning Rossi and Mishoner's heads towards him.

"We need to go. He's in the Opera House." Spencer said. Rossi nodded and followed him out without a word.

The car ride there wasn't as bad as before, especially since they turned on the lights and sirens. It was nearing eleven o'clock now, and the city lights reflected off of everything around them giving Spencer a headache. Rossi sped down the street as Reid continued to think.

"You know... I don't think this is a copycat." Spencer said. Rossi kept his eyes on the road and took a sharp left, slamming Spencer into the car door. He hissed in pain and Rossi muttered an apology before Spencer continued. "His actions and the pure ego and confidence... I think our unsub genuinely thinks he is the Phantom of the Opera. We could be dealing with someone with Schizophrenia." Spencer said, earning a nod from Rossi.

"Makes sense... Didn't the owner have a son with a mental disorder?"

"Yeah... He didn't tell us what though. He seemed to keep anything about his son under wraps."

"Protecting him, maybe?"

"Most likely. It's probably that the owner has a hunch but it to afraid to say so. He really didn't want us there from what I heard from Morgan." Spencer said. "Daniel Arevalo is the son's name. It'd make sense in relation to how he had so many connections to the theater. It'd be easy for him to use Mishoner." Spencer said, realizing morea and more as he talked.

"Call the team." Rossi simply instructed, his attention still on the road. Spencer fished his phone out of his pocket and called Evie first.

"Spence? Where are you?" she asked.

"On our way. We know who the unsub is. Daniel Arevalo."

"The owner's son?"

"That's the one." he said.

"Alright, I'll tell everyone. He is somewhere here, we're sure of it. We're searching now." she said, her voice in a hush as if she was afraid he'd hear. A pang of fear coarsed through Spencer's body. This was her first time in the field with a certified gun qualification. Suddenly he realized he was scared out of his witts.

"Please, please, please be careful." he told her.

"I will, I promise." she said before hanging up. Spencer took a deep breath and tried to reassure himself. He knew she could take care of herself, but he didn't think he'd ever stop worrying. After coming so close to being ripped apart from her, he didn't blame himself.

Once they arrived at the theater, there were tons and tons of cop cars parked out front. People gathered around with their mouths agape while watching the commotion of the securing of the theater. Rossi and Spencer instantly hopped out and grabbed bulletproof vest before walking up the steps to the front door where there was a dense population of guards. Rossi flashed his bag and a man nodded before letting them in.

"Let's take the Staff Only passageway." Rossi said, already making his way to the door they had used earlier. Spencer followed behind, really wishing to just find Evie and not leave her side.

Once back in the small cramped hallway, they drew their guns and checked all corners. They began making their way towards the first door on their left which was another cramped hallway. Spencer felt his heart pounding and kept looking behind them. The concept of the Phantom had always creeped him out before the fact that there was now a real life one on the loose in a locked up theater with them at the moment. He thought of the feeling of him being choked a couple months earlier. The man that had captured them had nearly choken him to death with a rope around his neck. Out of all the torment he had to go through, Spencer remembered that one being one of the most terrifying. When he couldn't get the air he needed and his lungs began to burn, panic really set in. He could feel the rope still around his throat. He imagined it happening again with a man in a white phantom mask from behind him...

"Spencer!" Rossi whispered shrilly. Spencer jerked out of his thoughts and realized he had stopped walking and his eyes were wide as the flashbacks were playing through his mind. He shook his head to rid of the images and cleared his throat.

"Sorry, just tired." he lied. Rossi gave him a look that said he didn't believe that at all, but he turned and kept walking. Spencer followed, pledging to not let that happen again. As they reached the end of the hallway, suddenly there was a large clicking noise and within less then a second, they were bathed in darkness.

Evie and JJ were in the first theater that the first body was found in when all of the sudden the lights went out. It was completely black all around them, filling Evie's chest with fear. As if it wasn't frightening enough searching a giant old opera house for a serial killer lurking in the shadows, now they had to in the darkness.

"JJ?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Hold on." She said. Evie stayed frozed in the same position, imagining a killer that could potentially be only one foot behind her with a noose to strangle her. She felt her hands shaking, so she tightened them on her gun. She couldn't chicken out. She chouldn't.

A small light flashed on, shining a beam of light towards a group of chairs in the crowd. Evie looked over to see what look to be a flashlight that JJ held from beside her. It created an eerie light illuminating small parts of the theater. JJ shined it around them. Evie half expected it to fall upon the sudden silhoette of a man, but nothing like that happened. Something even worse did.

With a crash, the flashlight clanked to the ground and the sound of JJ's gasp filled the air. Evie shrieked and whipped around, pointing her gun in the direction JJ was in. She couldn't shoot though. She obviously could hit Jayge.

With a powering up type of whine, the lights came back on revealing a man with slicked back hair in dark clothes holding JJ in front of him, a noose wrapped loosely around her neck. Evie's eyes widened and she began shaking again. There was a crazy look in his eye, but Evie could only see one. The other was shadowed by the white half-mask the unsub wore. Daniel was his name. So Spencer was right.

"Daniel, let her go. You don't need to do this." Evie's instincts told her to say. She'd seen the team negotiate with killers before, but the only time she'd done it was in the spur of the moment the one time Spencer was being held at gun point. At least in this situation, if he began to choke JJ, she'd have time to shoot before he could kill her. Unfortunately, she thought too soon. From his back pocket, the man took out a gun and held it to her head.

"Stop! If you do this, I'll have to shoot. You don't want to die, do you Daniel?"

"My name is NOT Daniel!" he boomed, his voice echoing off the large spacious walls of the theater. Evie cringed and looked into JJ's terrified eyes that were watching her, knowing that Evie was her only hope. Something about her gaze was almost comforting Evie though. Even at gunpoint JJ was comforting her.

"The Phantom wouldn't kill like this. You know that. You are the Phantom of the Opera, are you not?" Evie asked. Daniel seemed to slacken just a bit. He didn't respond but let his arm fall from around JJ's waist and neck. JJ let out a relieved breath and stumbled forward, yanking the rope noose over her head, throwing it aside. Evie was about to step forward and handcuff the man, but once again she made assumptions too soon.

"No!" the man yelled. "You, get out." he said to JJ, pointing his gun towards the exit for a moment, then pointing it at Evie.

"I can't do that, Daniel." she began to say, but he shouted over her.

"Now! Or she dies." he demanded, thrusting the gun forward at Evie again. They were three feet apart and she couldn't be more terrified, but she couldn't show that.

"It's okay JJ." Evie told her. She glanced over at her friend to see her give her a reluctant look before she made her way towards the door. The sound of it opening echoed through the air as the JJ left, leaving Evie with the so called "Phantom". She knew JJ would go get back up, but how long could she stall until then?

"I know how lonely you are Daniel. I know all about you." Evie said, and it was partially true. She had watched the Phantom of the Opera countless times and researched all about the creation of the character and the nature of Webber's writing. She hoped she could keep him interested before it was too late. If there was one thing she knew about the Phantom's character, he felt no remorse for relentless killing.

"No one understands." he breathed in a raspy voice.

"I do. I know how it feels to be alone. I promise you, you're not." she told him. His eyes softened for only a moment before they grew cold again. His finger moved just a bit on the trigger, making Evie's heart jump. She didn't know how much longer she could keep this up.

"JJ?" Spencer said, turning to see Jayge pushing through the doors that led the the first theater they had visited with the custodian. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were wide with fear. Instantly, Spencer knew something was wrong. "Wh- Where's Evie?" he asked, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

"The unsub... he- he attacked in the dark. Evie's still in there, he said he'd shoot her if I didn't get out. We need back up immediately." she said as if she was trying to catch her breath. Spencer couldn've sworn he felt his heart stop in that moment. Evie was alone with an unsub at gunpoint. Wait a minute, what was JJ thinking?

"JJ! How could you leave her?" he asked, his voice raising a few octaves with frustration. She looked at him through wide eyes that were filled with guilt and regret. He didn't care at the moment. His Evie was in there.

"Spence... I'm sorry... I didn't know what else to do-" she tried to explain. Rossi cut in, stepping in between Spencer and JJ, his hands held out in defense.

"Alright, calm down. It's not her fault and you know it. You did the right thing, JJ." Rossi said. Spencer scoffed and pushed past them both, gripping his gun tighter to reassure that it was there. He headed towards the double doors leading into the theater, not caring what danger he was walking into. Something told him it was a bad idea, but he wasn't thinking straight anyway.

An arm stopped him. Rossi had halted his steps towards the theater as he stepped in front of him, blocking his path. Spencer's first instinct was to be angry. He tensed, only wanting to get in there to help her.

"Spencer, think this through. You going in there could only potentially get both of you killed. JJ is running to get reinforcements." Rossi explained in a calm manner. He could've been Morgan Freeman for all Spencer cared. No matter how calm he said it, he needed to get in there now.

"What if she doesn't have time Rossi?" Spencer said forcefully, on the verge of shouting. He suddenly heard himself, hearing how rash he sounded. Before he could even apologize the sound of a gunshot filled the air and stopped him cold in his tracks.


	4. Recovery and Preparation

**"Winter is a season of recovery and preparation."** **-Paul Theroux**

Evie sat alone on the jet on the way back home. She hadn't spoken much at all since she had shot the unsub in the theater. She constantly felt sick. There was so much blood. It wasn't like she hadn't seen blood before, but it was never caused by her. She had splattered it everywhere. She had buried the bullet in a human being skull. She had never felt so... scared of herself in her entire life. She had just ended another person's life. She put a hand over her stomach that was churning, threatening to send her dinner back up. She didn't know whether to cry, or scream, or throw up. She didn't do any of those. She just sat there, numb.

She could feel Spencer keep glancing over at her from his seat diagonal from hers, across the aisle. He had saved a seat for her before she got on the plane, but she needed to think alone for a while. Luckily he gave her some space. The events of an hour ago went so quickly. She remembered the unsub lunging forward, and before she knew it, she had pulled the trigger. The sound of the deafening bang seemed to still echo in her head. She tried to shake away, but nothing worked.

Spencer had rushed in after that, Rossi behind him. She couldn't even quite remember what he was saying. She remembered hearing someone say she was in shock. She guessed she had been.

Evelyn had no idea how much time went by on the plane while she stared out of the window at the dark night, wallowing in her thoughts. Sometime after take off though, Rossi appeared in the seat across from her. She kept her eyes outside of the window, watching him clasp his hands together on his lap out of the corner of her eye. He watched her silently, seeming to wait until she recognized his appearance. Finally she did turn, giving him a small forced smile.

"So... Do you want to talk?" Rossi asked, sounding as if there wasn't much of a choice anyway. Evie sighed and looked down at her lap, trying to find the words to speak. What was she supposed to say? She just killed a person.

"I ended someone's life, Rossi." she bluntly restated her thoughts. She looked up to see his reactions. His face stared sympathetically back at hers, his eyes sparkling with a friendly gleam that told her that he understood. She knew he did. Everyone on that plane understood.

"You protected yourself." he corrected, looking deep into her eyes. Evie looked back, knowing he was right. But... she killed someone. She did exactly what the people they chased down do; kill.

"Evelyn..." Rossi began, sitting further forward in his seat to get closer to her. She listened intently, wanting anything to make her better in that moment. He took a deep breath and she knew she was about to get one of the famous Rossi speeches.

"You did exactly what you had to do. One of you was going to make it out alive. There was no other way. Now, you aren't expected to just be okay with killing. We are human. It's not supposed to make us feel okay. But if it means that you can live your future years with the ones you love..." he said, tilting his head to the side to gesture towards Spencer. "... then it's worth the sacrifice. I'm not saying you will ever get used to it. If you did, then well... that's when you become the monsters we hunt. But I know that won't happen. Once you can accept the fact that you did what you had to do, it will help you sleep better at night." Rossi said, patting her knee. Evie took a deep breath, feeling like she was breathing out all of her awful feelings. She knew he was right. She would never feel comfortable with this, but it was part of the job.

"I'm going to go take a nap before we land. I suggest you try the same." Rossi suggested, giving her one last glance with his sparkling eyes before he rose out of his seat and made his way back to his seat across from Hotch.

"Rossi," Evie called before he could get to far. He turned back with his eyebrows raised expectantly. "Thank you." she said, giving him a small smile. He smiled back and nodded, carrying on down the aisle to his seat. Evie turned back to look out of the window. She knew this job wasn't going to be easy. If she didn't have the team and Spencer, she didn't know what she'd do.

Speaking of Spencer, she felt someone slide into the seat next to her. Evie turn to see Spencer looking up at her through unsure eyes, obviously worried about how she'd react. Evie let out another breath and reached forward to take his hand in hers. Spencer gave her a sad smile and leaned forward to kiss her forhead She savored the feeling of his warm soft lips on her skin. This is what she would've given up if she hadn't taken the shot. She knew she did the only thing she could. It didn't get rid of the guilty feeling inside of her, but it was enough.

"Want to talk about it, or no?" he asked soothingly, looking into her eyes. Evie bit her lip in thought. She realized she really didn't. She just really wanted to be with him.

"No, just hold me." she said, letting herself fall into his chest. She heard Spencer chuckle as he wrapped his arms around her. She took a deep breath of the smell of Spencer. He kissed the top of her head and tightened his arms. God, she loved him.

"Oh my gosh, what if we get him a little vest so he can be like his Uncle Spencer?" Garcia chirped excitedly, bustling through the aisles of the kid's store in the middle of the mall. She already had three bags filled with things for Henry. Her and Spencer had gone Christmas shopping every year for Henry since he was born. Spencer just followed her around and let Penelope do the choosing while he just agreed and then paid for whatever he needed to. He really didn't like shopping, but luckily Garcia was a pro. Otherwise, he'd be lost without her.

"Didn't we just get him one?" Spencer asked, looking at the filled bags she already carried. Garcia froze and frowned in thought.

"Huh, I think you're right." she said, putting the small vest back on the rack. Spencer chuckled and shook his head. They had so much stuff that she was forgetting what they'd already gotten.

"Oh! What about this little bird stuffed animal? Henry likes birds!" Garcia said, clicking in her heels over to a display of different stuffed animals. Spencer let an amused smile cross his face as he followed her, shrugging his shoulders.

"Sure. You are the creative one here." He reminded her. Garcia examined the little bird stuffed animals and turned it around in her hand, nodding with approval.

"Yeah, I think he'll like this." She concluded, adding it to the toy trucks and clothes that they were already about to buy. She looked around the store again, and Spencer knew she was itching to buy something else. "Do you think that's enough?" she asked more to herself then to Spence. He looked at her armful of bags, reaching forward to take one off of her hands.

"Yes. I think that's enough, Garcia." he said, taking another bag from her hands to hold. Garcia smiled at Spencer at his sarcastic tone. He knew before she even opened her mouth to speak that he was about to get the whole 'I need to spoil my godson' spiel.

"And yes, I know. I love spoiling Henry too. JJ is going to kill us if we overspoil him though, and you know it." He said through a half smile as they made their way to the counter. Garcia sighed and nodded. It had taken from eight AM to now noon to finsih their shopping. Spencer prepared himself for an afternoon of wrapping too.

On the way out of the store, their items bought and Garcia and Spencer carrying colored shopping bags, Garcia's phone rang. Her hands were full with bags of toys and clothes so she struggled to get a hold of her purse. Spencer chuckled and took more bags off of her hands so she could reach into her purse and grab her ringing phone. She gave him a grateful smile before answering. Spencer really hoped it wasn't a case.

"Hey, you." Garcia said, a smile spreading across her lips. "How's it going? Mhm... Mhm... Oh, you do know how to spoil a girl... Yes, my chocolate thunder." she said, carrying on a conversation with what had to be Morgan. Evie and Derek had gone... somewhere while Spencer and Garcia were out shopping. Evie had told him it was top secret business with her evil little smirk. Spencer knew she had been sneaking around, trying to avoid him finding out what she was getting him for Christmas. He honestly had no idea, but she seemed really excited.

"Alright." Garcia said to Spencer after hanging up the phone. "Derek and Evelyn are going to meet us Ciatti's for lunch at twelve thirty. We have time to go pick up the necklace beforehand." She told Spencer, beginning to walk into the bustling crowd of the mall again.

Evie had her sights set on one specific necklace for a long time. She could never find it, and Spencer hadn't had much luck either for a while. He ended up having to get it shipped in from France at one of the jewelry stores here. It was definitely worth it to make her happy, and it was a gorgeous necklace.

Once they made it to the store, it was pretty packed. Garcia pushed through the crowd first, accidentally hitting people with her bags and shouting sorry a million times over and over again. They finally made it to the counter where a bored looking man with glasses lying far down on his nose looked at them.

Spencer signed all the papers and paid for the shipping and the necklace itself. They gave it to him in a tiny little gift bag with a case inside. Garcia squealed with excitement from beside him upon looking at the tiny package.

"You are too cute, wonder boy." she said as they exited the shop. "Can I see it?"

Spencer stopped at the edge of the giant hall of the mall to fish out the little box. He opened it to show the the ruby heart-cut gem stone held in a winding white gold frame with small diamonds lining the frame. Garcia squealed again and beamed in her bright pink lipstick. She carefully touched the pendant of the necklace with her bright purple nails.

"It's gorgeous, Reid." She breathed.

"Thank god she kind of picked it out herself subconsciously. I would have no idea how to shop for a girl."

"Oh girls are easy. Come to me anytime you want." Garcia assured him as they began walking to lunch. On the way there, Spencer started to feel pain flare up in his side around his rib cage. He still felt pain there sometimes out of no where. It was right around where he had broken a rib, and it had been a pain to heal in the first place. It wasn't just a quick shoot of pain like usual though, this time it felt as if Spencer could feel the unsub's kick land right into his chest. Suddenly he wasn't in the brightly lit busy hall of the mall. He was in a blurry dim room with cement walls and floors. He could hear the chuckling of the unsub above him as he repeatedly drove a pipe into his chest and back and...

"SPENCER REID!" Garcia's voice infiltrated his flashback. Spencer blinked and suddenly he was in the mall again. He was standing on the side of the hall with Garcia gripping his shoulders so tightly that it was starting to hurt. His eyes were wide and staring off into the distance at nothing and his breathing was completely out of control. He looked into Garcia's frightened eyes and surprised expression. "Oh my god, are you okay?" she asked in her famous high pitched worried Garcia voice. "You- you just stopped and started breathing really fast and you weren't answering me and- and-" she continued to ramble on.

"Garcia..." Spencer said, halting her mumbling of endless words. She looked to him with her eyes still wide. "Please, please don't tell Evie about this." he said through pleading eyes. Garcia opened her mouth as if to say something and shook her head.

"Spencer, you can't just pretend this isn't happening. You just had a panic attack! We all know you aren't entirely okay. You can't just-"

"Yes I can. I'm fine. It's getting better, I don't need help." he said a little more aggressively than he meant to. He instantly regretted it and sighed, his features softening. Evie couldn't find out. She'd worry and blow it out of proportion. He was fine. He was going to get better on his own.

"Please, Garcia. I'll- I'll tell her if it happens again." he lied. She frowned and closed her mouth, eyeing him suspiciously.

"I don't feel right not telling her." Penelope said. Spencer gave her his best puppy dog pleading eyes.

"Please. Don't let it ruin Christmas. I'll do it afterwards." Spencer asked hopefully, watching Garcia mull it over. She closed her eyes in frustration and took a deep breath, shaking her head and making her bouncy blond curls flow over her shoulders.

"Fine, fine... But if you don't tell her soon, I will." Garcia said. Spencer nodded, avoiding eye contact. Garcia technically wasn't a profiler, but she knew her fair share of tells when someone was lying. Even Spencer could tell he was showing it. Before she could notice he began walking once again to lunch.

"I can't believe we got it." Evie said, holding the bag with Spencer present in it. Some guy that Morgan knew had 'connections' in getting old memorabilia and hard to find items. Spence had most first editions of Charles Dickens works, but it was driving him insane that he didn't have one for Great Expectations. Evie tried to find one available that wasn't thousands of dollars, and luckily Morgan was able to set her up. It was still expensive, but so much better than getting the one for twenty thousands of dollars by one seller she found online.

"Pretty Boy will love it. You did good, kid." Morgan said, turning to wheel to turn the car into the mall parking lot.

"I couldn't have found it without you. Thank you so much." Evie thanked for the millionth time that day.

"Don't mention it." Morgan said, parking as close as he could with the tons of cars around them. They found Garcia and Spencer easily at the restaurant. They had to have at least six bags of things with them. Evie knew Garcia and Spence loved to spoil Henry, but she didn't know the full gravity of it until she saw how much stuff they had piled up around them at the table.

"You took spoiling to the next level." Evie said, sliding into the booth next to Spencer, gawking at all of the clothes and toys.

"That is one lucky kid." Morgan agreed while sliding into the booth across from them with Garcia who smiled down at the gifts proudly.

"Garcia deserves most of the credit." Spencer said, looking at all of the items as well, smiling with sparkling eyes. Evie loved when he smiled like that. She knew he was thinking of Henry. She couldn't get over how good of a father he'd be someday.

He caught her looking at him and gave her a confused smile. She just pecked a kiss on his cheek. They all had a great lunch. It was almost like having a couple to double date with except for the fact that Pen and Derek weren't dating. Evie hadn't met Savannah yet, but she heard she was wonderful. She wasn't surprised. Morgan used to love having lots of girls around him at once, it must've taken a very special one to have him wanting to spend forever with just her.

Later that day after they had all helped wrap Henry's presents, Evie and Spencer walked through the door. Evie dropped her bag on the counter and let herself flop down on the couch. She sighed and stretched out, still tired from getting in late last night from the case and getting up early this morning to pick up Spencer's present. There was still a small part of her that kept poking at her chest with the knowledge that she had killed someone, but whenever it got bad she just crawled into Spencer's arms and everything seemed suddenly so much better.

She glanced over the back of the couch to see Spencer frozen in the middle of the kitchen, his eyes slightly wider than usual like he was staring at something that wasn't there. Evie frowned and tilted her head to the side.

"Sweetheart?" she called out to him. No response. She sat up on the couch, leaning forward to get a better look at his face. "Spence!" she tried again. He jumped and looked at her through scared eyes.

"Wh- what?" he asked. Evie frowned at him and stood.

"Spence, are you okay?" she asked, watching as he fidgeted uncomfortably and fiddled with the hem of his cardigan without looking up at her.

"Y- yeah. Just-"

"Tired?" Evie instantly finished his sentence. She'd heard it so many times before. She knew he was lying. He always fidgeted and diverted his eyes to everywhere but her own.

"Yeah." Spencer said, glancing up at her but then instantly down again. Evie sighed and walked around the couch to where Spencer stood in the kitchen. She knew he sensed her coming, he tensed and still when she put a hand on his arm.

"Spencer. Please tell me the truth." she said, tilting her head to the side, trying so hard to sound as comforting and calm as she could. Every time she asked, she had hopes that Spencer would finally break and tell her what was making him not okay. Every time, her hopes were torn down.

"I'm fine, Evs." he said, looking up at her with glimmering eyes. She could see through those eyes though. She could see that he was lying.

"Spence..."

"I'm fine, okay?" he snapped, pulling his arm away and walking around her to their bedroom. Evie watched him go, her mouth agape. He never snapped at her like that. Why wouldn't he tell her? She already knew he was showing signs of PTSD. She thought about going after him and pressing for more answers, but he seemed way to tense to have a clam conversation. She didn't want it to turn into a fight so she took a deep breath and decided to give him some time and space.


	5. God's Gift

**"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."** **~Desmond Tutu**

Evie frantically scrambled around the apartment, trying to make sure they had everything packed. She hated this last minute frantic state she got in right before a trip. Granted, she hadn't taken one in a while, but that may have made it even worse.

"Did we get our toothbrushes?" she asked while rushing into the bathroom and throwing up the drawers to sift through the stuff inside to see if she missed anything important. She heard Spencer approach the doorway behind her. In the mirror out of the corner of her eye, she could see him lean against the doorframe with an amused look.

"Calm down darling, we have everything. Trust me." he said, watching her kneel down to look throguh the cupboards. She stood after searching through each compartment and put her hands on her face, taking a frustrated breath.

"I feel like we forgot something." Evelyn said, trying to rack her brain to see what they missed. When she wasn't looking, Spencer came up behind her and put his hands on her hips, pulling her back into him so he could lay a kiss on her neck. She sighed and melted into his touch.

"I never forget anything." he reminded her, making her smirk.

"Okay, genius." she said, feeling his arms wrap around her waist to pull her closer. He laid his head on her shoulder and nuzzled her gently. She enjoyed the moment until she thought about phone chargers.

"Shoot..." she muttered, pulling away from Spencer to rush into the bedroom and pull open the nightstand drawer next to her side of the bed. Empty. She must've already packed them. Maybe Spencer was right, maybe they did have everything. Evie supposed she was just nervous about meeting Spencer's mother. She meant so much to him so she meant a lot to Evie. Evs really wanted Diana to like her.

"Already have them." Spencer said, coming up behind her again to let himself fall onto the bed, pulling Evie down on top of him. She grunted from the impact, but smiled. Before she could even try to get away he secured his arms around her waist, pulling her tight.

"Spence..." she said gently as if to a child. She ran her hand through his hair causing him to close his eyes and hum happily. "I have to finish packing."

"You are finished!" he protested, pulling her down closer to him so he could repeatedly kiss her all over her neck. She writhed in his arms, trying to get away but giggling in the process.

"Spenceeeeeeer." she whined, going limp and giving up as he continued to kiss up her jaw to her temple and back down again.

"Spenceeeeeeer." He mocked her in a high pitched voice. She laughed at his attempt to imitate her and just let him do what he wanted. She couldn't say she didn't love his spontaneous cuddly moods, especially after his strange outbreak a couple days ago when she'd tried to ask him what was wrong. She'd left him alone for a while and he hadn't bothered even talking to her. It wasn't until he crawled into bed with her that night to kiss her collarbone and tell her he was sorry when he finally gave in.

After Spencer got tired of kissing her all over, she just lied on his chest while he rubbed circles on her back under her shirt. She felt fatigue begin to take her over while listening to the steady sound of Spencer's beating heart and the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. She could feel him drifting as well. It was only six thirty since their flight left at seven thirty. Shoot, their flight...

"We have to go!" Evie said suddenly, looking over at the clock on the nightstand. Spencer glanced back and groaned, knowing she was right. He loosened his arms from around her to let her jump up and pull him upright with her.

"Goodbye apartment," Evie said, taking hold of one of the suitcases and slinging her purse over her shoulder. She heard Spencer chuckle at her as he took his own suitcase. With one last look around to make sure they had everything, Evie rolled her suitcase out of the door, ready for Las Vegas.

The flight was alright. She was just glad they got there in time. On the plane she was jittery and didn't know why. Spencer put a hand on her knee that she was bouncing up and down frantically. She just got nervous when meeting any new people, but this person was even more important.

"Alright, I know why I'm nervous, but why are you?" Evie asked when they got into their rental car after leaving the airport. Spencer glanced over at her with a guilty forced smile before turning the key in the ignition to let the car roar to life. Evelyn had been learning a whole lot about profiling lately, but you didn't need to be a profiler to know that Spencer was growing more and more uncomfortable as they got closer to seeing his mom.

"I don't know." he lied, turning back to look out of the back window before pulling out of the parking lot. Evie watched him, knowing he could feel her staring. Once they were out onto the road, Spencer sighed and glanced over at Evie before opening his mouth to speak.

"It's just that every time I see her I feel guilty. I think of how she begged me not to send her away and I did anyway. I don't even visit her enough." he said, much quieter than usual. Evie felt her chest ache knowing he hurt at the thought of him doing that to her years back. He'd told her the story before. Her schizophrenia had just been getting worse and worse and he didn't know what else to do. Evie always told him he did the right thing, but she knew it'd always hurt him.

"You didn't do anything wrong, sweetheart." Evie said, squeezing his hand that wasn't steering. He gave her a small smile but she could tell it was fake. She brought his hand to her lips so she could kiss his knuckles while he drove further into the city.

"So does this place bring back memories?" she asked, looking around at the dense groupings of buildings around her. There were people bustling around the streets going from one place to another. She saw a few homeless people sitting on corners and curbs too.

"Yeah..." he answered plainly. As they turned the corner, he nodded his head towards a big brick building on Evie's side of the car. "That's where I went to high school." he told her, keeping his eyes on the road, refusing to even give it a glance. She watched his expression that he tried to keep emotionless.

"You didn't like it there much?" she asked, watching a smile flicker across his face.

"You are getting better at your profiling." he told her, a bit amused. She smiled proudly, but still awaited his answer. "And no, I was a twelve year old senior and Las Vegas doesn't have the nicest of people." he said, stopping at a red light intersection. He sighed and looked over at Evie with his chocolate brown eyes. She always knew Spencer was bullied, but he never delved too deep into what had happened.

"You still remember everything that happened?" she asked as the light turned green and the car started forward again. "Well I mean, you have an amazing memory so that's probably a stupid question. Plus why wouldn't you, I mean those people sounded like they were awful to you. I don't knpw what they did, but-"

"Evie." Spencer said through a smile, halting her mindless rambling. She always did that when she didn't know what to say.

"Sorry." she said, also smiling a little. It was silent a while before Spencer cleared his through, frowning at the road ahead of him. Evie watched him intently, wondering what he was going to do.

"They uh... Well, I was in the library and, um... Harper Hillman comes up to me, and she tells me that, uh... Alexa Lisbon wants to meet me behind the field house. Alexa Lisbon's like, easily, the prettiest girl in school." He began to tell her, and already she knew this story was headed in a bad direction. "You'd think being a twelve year old prodigy, I could figure out how stupid that sounded." he added in a bitter tone as if he still blamed himself for being ignorant. Evie bit her lip and watched his expression. It was still pained as if this had all happened yesterday.

"Anyway, when I got there, Alexa was there, but so was the entire football team. They... stripped me naked and tied me to a goalpost. So many kids were there, you know, just watching." Spencer said, turning onto a less used street with his eyes still on the road. Evie could tell that his mind was somewhere far off though, even if he didn't want to show it.

"Di- didn't anyone say anything?" Evie asked, trying to find her voice. The thought of how mean they were to him was horrifying her to say the least. It seemed everytime Spencer talked about his childhood it got worse and worse.

"I begged- I begged them to stop, but they just... watched. Finally they got bored. It was like, midnight when I got home. My mom was having another episode so she didn't even notice I was late." Spencer said, his voice grim. Evie looked forward with wide eyes. She wished more than anything that she could take back so much pain away from his past, but she knew she couldn't. Instead she leaned her head into his shoulder as he pulled into a parking lot of a big building that Evie guessed was the Sanitarium.

"I'm sorry, Spence." she whispered when he stopped the car and let his body relax back into the seat with Evie still leaning into his shoulder. He reached forward to take one of her hands and rub his thumb over her knuckles.

"It's okay, that was years and years ago." he said, sighing and getting some of that lighter pep back into his voice. "Now i have the most beautiful, sweet, talented girlfriend in the world. Joke's on them." he said, sweetly looking down at her with big brown eyes. Evie felt herself gush with warmth and love for him.

"You're too sweet." she said, smiling while burying her face into his neck. Spencer smiled too and kissed the top of her head. They stayed like that for a while. She traced patterns on his chest with her finger tips lazily while listening to the sound of him breathing. The car began to get cold after a while without the heat going, so Evie pulled back and grabbed her purse to start getting out of the car.

"You know, we could just stay-"

"No, Spence. Come on, you'll be fine." Evie interrupted his attempt to divert the discomfort he felt when seeing his mother. He sighed and unbuckled his seat belt, getting out of the car and together they walked towards the building.

The inside was obviously made to be warm and inviting. It reminded Evie a little bit of how her grandmother's nursing home looked before she'd passed away when Evie was thirteen. There were nurses rushing by to smaller hallways that had doors lining each side, probably patient rooms. The lobby they stood in was filled with patients sitting around table and on couches, light shining through the big windows on the other side of the room. Spencer sighed next to her and started for the front desk, his posture rigid and tense. Evie followed, watching as a lady with red hair looked up from her papers at the front desk.

"Dr. Reid." she said with a surprised, delighted tone. "What a nice surprise. Are you on a case?" she asked. Spencer nodded a hello and put his hands in his pockets nervously.

"Uh, no. Just to visit." he said, biting his bottom lip. Evie watched and observed his nervous 'tells', or the actions he did to signal he was nervous. She reached over and tugged the bottom of his coat sleeve to pull his hand out of his pocket so she could hold his hand. Spencer glanced over at her, giving her a small flash of a smile before turning back to the lady at the desk.

"Does she know you are coming?" she asked, typing something into he computer in front of her.

"She knew I meant to come visit around the holiday, I didn't say when." Spencer explained. The red head nodded and glanced over her shoulder to a nurse in pink scrubs behind her.

"Debbie, is Diana in her room right now?"

The nurse turned and raised her eyebrows, looking at Spencer and Evie before turning back to the woman.

"No, I believe she's in the dining hall. Do you know where that is?" she asked, looking at Spencer. Evie looked up to see him press his lips in a thin line and nod.

"Uh, yes. Thank you." Spencer said, beginning to turn to walk away, but the lady behind the desk called out before he could.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I caught your name." she said, looking at Evie. Evs unraveled her hand from Spencer's to shake her outreached hand over the desk.

"Evelyn." she said, smiling. The woman smiled and nodded, glancing from her to Spencer.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Andrea. Ask if you need anything." she said kindly. Evie thanked her and took hold of Spencer's hand again before they turned and walked through the lobby. He was holding her hand really tightly at this point as they went through a hallways with rows of doors on each side. Evie looked up at his face. His eyes were looking straight ahead, but it looked like his focus was far off.

"Spence..." she coaxed him out of his daze quietly while they walked. He glanced down at her, his features softening. He kissed her cheek but didn't say anything more. Evie leaned her head into his shoulder for a moment, running her thumb along the back of his hand. His grip relaxed a little, but only a little.

They turned the corner into a big room with windows similar from the lobby. It had circular tables covering most of the floor and there was a cut out in the wall where they had people handing out food like a school cafeteria. There were patients sitting at tables, most of them alone or with nurses. She frowned, not too familiar with how Diana looked. She glanced up at Spencer, watching him scan the room with his eyebrows pulled together. His sparkling eyes stopped, looking across the room. Evie felt him take a deep breath from beside her. He gave her hand a squeeze and made eye contact before nodding his head in the direction he was looking.

Evie nodded and let Spencer pull her along.

"Don't take anything she says into offense. Not that she'll be rude or anything, she just doesn't really think before talking sometimes." Spencer warned her. Evie nodded. She was already prepared for this. They weaved through tables until they came upon a table near the back with a woman in a white blouse and dark brown pants sitting and reading. Instantly Evie was able to tell that it was her. There was obvious resemblance between her and Spencer.

"Mom..." Spencer said quietly, causing her took look up from her book. Evie nearly felt her heart melt watching Spencer's mom's face light up just upon seeing her son's face. She put the book down on the table and began to stand.

"Spencer..." she said as Spencer let go of Evie to reach forward and wrap Diana in a hug. Evie couldn't help but smile. Spencer looked calmer all of the sudden after seeing his mom. When Spencer pulled back. Diana put a hand on the side of his face, studying him.

"You got a haircut." she said, looking up at his short ruffled hair. "Good." she said approvingly, making Evie smile wider. Spencer chuckled and glanced back at Evie, taking her hand lightly to pull her forward. Diana's eyes fell upon her and she looked surprised for a moment.

"Mom, this Evie." Spencer said, looking at his mother's face, probably studying her reaction. Evelyn smiled and reached forward, shaking Diana's hand.

"Mrs. Reid, nice to meet you." Evie greeted. Diana smiled, studying Evie as well.

"So you're the girl Spencer can't stop talking about in his letters." she said, looking up at Spencer who was biting his lip and blushing. Evie tried to hold back a laugh. She took his hand again and he subconsciously entwined his fingers in hers.

"I was just about to go back to my room." Diana said, picking up her book. Spencer looked over at Evie and shrugged. They all followed Mrs. Reid back to her room in the hallway they had walked through to get there. Her room had a queen size bed and light walls with a big window on the other side of the room. There were drawn pictures of 15th century authors above her bed and bookshelves filled with old books. Evie loved how much she was like Spence.

"So when are you getting married?" Diana asked abruptly as she put away her book on the shelf. Evie held back her urge to laugh at how blunt the question was. She covered her mouth and pressed her lips together, diverting her eyes from Spencer who nearly did a double take.

"Mom, we've been together for like, four months." Spencer said. Evie turned to see a smile creeping up on his face too though. He closed his eyes almost as if in disbelief for his mother's comment.

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." Diana said, ignoring Spencer's remark.

"Mignon McLaughlin." Evie and Spencer said at the same time, naming the author who had said the same quote Diana had just spoken. Mrs. Reid raised her eyebrows like she was impressed and nodded.

"I like her Spencer. Be good to her." she said plainly as if just telling something as casual as the weather. Spencer chuckled and wrapped an arm around Evie, pulling her to a couch across from Diana's bed so they could sit.

"So you work with Spencer. You aren't the government are you? I can't have those fascists infiltrating-"

"Mom, mom." Spencer tried to calm her as her voice became louder, angrier, and more frantic at the end of her sentence. Spence had told Evie a little bit about his mother's episodes. Sometimes she'd believe the government was out to get her, sometimes she thought she was a professor of 15th century literature again; the scenarios varied. "She's not the government and the fascists can't get you. I promise." he assured her. Diana frowned for a moment before her face softened.

"Uh, yes... Well technically I'm an intern on Spencer's team." Evie explained, trying to choose her words carefully so as not to set Diana off. Spencer's mom looked at her with a sad gaze, tilting her head to the side a bit.

"Such a dangerous job. Spencer, you know I don't like the idea of..."

"I know, Mom, I know." he said, standing to pull up a chair next to the couch for his mom to sit in. She put a hand on his arm and thanked him before sitting down.

"Have you been eating more? You look like you have some more muscle in there." Diana said, while Spencer sat back down next to Evie. "Still so thin..." she muttered. Spencer bit his lip through a smile, rolling his eyes a bit. Evie didn't care how embarrassed he was by his mother's constant fretting over him. Evs thought it was cute.

For the next hour or so, they stayed in Diana's room just to catch up. Spencer told her about the latest case they did where Evie caught the unsub. He didn't however, mention that she shot and killed him. Evelyn was appreciative of that. That wasn't the first impression she wanted to have on Spencer's mom.

"Oh he was the cutest little thing. He had these big glasses, but he was blind as a bat without them. He'd run into walls sometimes..." Spencer's mom was going on about cute things Spencer did when he was little.

"Mom..." Spencer whined, running his hands through his hair, his face red from her tons and tons of stories. Evie was thoroughly enjoying herself though. She knew that there weren't any other family members to tell anyone about his life when he was little. She felt honored to be able to hear all of the stories that haven't even been heard by the team yet.

After that, they went to eat dinner with her in the cafeteria. Evie talked to her about 15th century literature, enjoying how Diana's eyes lit up with the mention of some of her favorite works. Evs didn't know why she was so nervous. She knew they'd have a lot in common since they both liked literature, she just didn't know how deep in a conversation they could get. At one point when they were discussing the stories of Le Morte d'Arthur, Evie could catch a glimpse of Spencer out of the corner of her eye. He was watching them with a small smile of fondness. He looked content with the fact that his mom and Evie were getting along so well. Evelyn knew the feeling.

The Sanitarium closed at nine for visiting hours, so they eventually had to say goodbye.

"You're coming back tomorrow, aren't you?" Diana asked, sounding terrified of the thought of them not returning.

"Of course. We'll see you tomorrow, Mom." Spencer said, giving her a hug and kissing her cheek.

When they eventually got back to their hotel where they were staying, Evie was exhausted. Even though it was about 9:00 in Las Vegas, it would've been 12:00 in DC and she wasn't used to the time change. To say the least, she had severe jet lag.

"Thank you." Spencer thanked the desk clerk as she handed him two keys for their room. Spencer gave one of the plastic cards to Evie and wrapped her hand in his, pulling her along to the elevator as she trudged tiredly along behind him. The elevator ride up to the seventh floor seemed like forever just from Evie having to stand. She leaned heavily on Spencer, letting him wrap an arm around her to support her.

"We could've come back earlier, why didn't you tell me?" he questioned her, kissing the top of her head and taking the strap of one of her bags off of her shoulders to put it on his instead.

"I was having fun." Evie said through a yawn. Spencer chuckled and gave her a tight squeeze.

"I'm glad." he said.

Their hotel room was considerably nice. The ones in Las Vegas usually were for the most part. Evie didn't even bother getting dressed into her pajama pants. She dropped her bags at the door and collapsed on the bed, too tired to even get under the covers.

"Eeeeevieeeee..." Spencer cooed, coming to her side to stroke a piece of hair from her face. "Sweetheart, at least get in comfier clothes." he said gently, lightly tugging her arm.

"How are you not tired?" she asked, letting Spencer pull her off of the bed so she could stand again.

"I stay up a lot." he said, wrapped his arms around her waist so he could pick her up off of the floor and carry her to her suitcase. Evie giggled tiredly at the notion, groaning as Spencer set her back down by her bag.

"What are you talking about, you go to bed at the same time as me." she said, getting her pajama pants out of her bag as Spencer went to his own to get ready for bed.

"Yeah, but for a while I just like to watch you sleep." he said. Evie smiled and shook her head. He was weird in the best possible way.

Thankfully they were in bed in a matter of a couple of minutes. Evie lied on her side and Spencer came to lie behind her with his chest against her back and his arm around her waist to pull her into him.

"I love your mom." Evie said tiredly. Spencer smiled behind her. She couldn't see it, but she could feel it.

"She loves you." he said. "I'm happy you guys get along." he said.

Evie's tried to listen to his words, but they were fading off like she was underwater. She heard him call her name a few times, but she couldn't find the strength to answer. She let herself relax into his body, hearing him say one last goodnight and kissing her hair before she completely drifted off into a deep sleep.


	6. Incompleteness in Absence

**"Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists... When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence."** **~Edmond de Goncourt**

Spencer walked into the lobby where his mother sat on a couch alone, flipping through the pages of an old brown book. She was still in her pajamas and pink robe as it was only seven o'clock Las Vegas time. He smiled to himself for a moment. The meeting between her and Evie couldn't have possibly went any better. It wasn't that he was expecting it to go otherwise; they both liked a lot of the same things. He just was never sure with his mom, especially with the schizophrenia. One could never predict how she'd react to certain things.

He walked to her side, two coffees in hand; one for him and one for her. Evie was up getting food for both her and Spencer since his mom already ate, as the nurses had informed him. He sat down on the couch lying perpendicular to him mom's. She looked up for a moment, then looked back down without saying anything.

"Mom... I got you coffee." he said, reaching over to put it on the coffee table in between their two couches. She kept flipping through the book as if Spencer wasn't there. Spencer tilted his head and studied her facial expressions... nothing. He was used to this, however.

"Mom?" he said gently, about to reach forward and touch her shoulder. She looked up before he could, raising her eyebrows at him.

"Oh good, we're just about to start." she said, pointing at the book she was holding. Spencer frowned in confusion.

"Start what?"

"The lecture." she said plainly as if it made perfect sense. Spencer pressed his lips together and nodded, understanding what was happening. She sometimes slipped into her teacher persona. The best thing he could do was just go along with it.

"Is it okay if my friend attends the lecture?" he asked, sitting back in the sofa and getting comfy. He took a sip of coffee while Diana kept flipping through pages, obviously looking for something.

"I suppose." she said after giving it some thought. Spencer let a small smile cross his face. Out of all of her personas, thinking she was teaching was the easiest one. The others she was frantic and panicked. Even after years of experiencing her numerous episodes, it was still terrifying to watch. He still hated seeing her like that even though he couldn't remember her ever being any other way.

"We are going to start with some of the oldest English poems in Michael Alexander's, The Earliest English Poems." She explained, finally finding the page that she was looking for. She began reading from the spot she was looking forward.

"Well-wrought this wall: Wierds broke it. The stronghold burst..." she carried on saying. Spencer continued to gently smile while watching her, glad that they were able to make it out to Las Vegas to visit.

"Here you go." Evie said suddenly from beside Spencer. He almost jumped, not realizing she came up right behind him. She put a tray of food on the coffee table in front of him with food wrapped up in tin foil. Abruptly, he realized he had never prepared her for one of his mother's episodes. He was worried that she wouldn't know to go along with it. How could he tell her without his mom hearing...

"You're just in time. We've just started the lecture. Take a seat." Diana said, looking up at Evie with her kind profesor look. Spencer eyed Evie nervously, biting his lip. She didn't even look the least bit confused.

"Of course, Ma'am." Evie said smoothly, sitting next to Spencer on the couch and taking a sip of her coffee before setting it on the table. Spencer felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. She handled it beautifully. He didn't know what he was so worried about. Evie glanced at him, giving Spencer a knowing smile before leaning back into the sofa in a comfortable position, shoulder to shoulder with Spence.

As Diana kept reading, Spencer put an arm around Evie's shoulder's giving her a gently squeeze. She leaned her head into his shoulder as he held her and together they listened to his mother continuing to cite from her book.

"Excuse me, no public displays of affection! Do that on your own time." she said, suddenly stopping in the middle of her poem. Spencer snapped out of the daze he was in from just listening to her recite the pages. He looked over to see his mom looking at them with her dissaproving teacher gaze. He tried not to chuckle or smile as he retracted his arm from around Evie and she sat up away from his shoulder. He held his hands up in a defensive gesture, looking at his mother guiltily.

"Sorry ma'am..." him and Evie both mumbled at the same time. She pointed at her own eyes and then pointed at Spence and Evs, the signal for 'I've got my eye on you'. Spencer glanced over at Evie who gave him a small smile and quiet giggle. They carried on with the 'lecture'. They were reprimanded for PDA twice more... His mom even threatened to have them stay after class. Spencer would be completely fine with that.

Later that day after Evie and Spencer had gone out for lunch to get some fresh air, they returned around four o'clock to find his mother in the courtyard of the facility, writing in her journals. She was out of her episode, not remembering one bit of it. Instead she read some of her journals to Spencer and Evie as they sat on the grass by the bench she sat on. It was considerably warmer in Las Vegas compared to DC at this time of the year, so it was a nice day to be outside. A little chilly, but since Diana wasn't in her teacher mindset, Evie and Spencer were able to huddle together for warmth.

"Spencer, what are those?" his mother asked later on when they were in her room. She had insisted that she showed Evie old photos of back when Spencer was only around three or four, despite his protests. She was now looking at his arms with a terrified look on her face. Spencer frowned in confusion, wondering what could possibly be freaking her out so much. He looked down and remembered he was wearing short sleeves so that you could see the faint outlines of scars all over his arms where the unsub had sliced through his skin a few months back. Spencer grimaced, kicking himself mentally for not remembering to cover them up to hide them. His mother was already worried about him in the field as it was. It wasn't going to help to tell her that he'd nearly been tortured to death not too long ago.

"Oh... um, it's not really anything..."

"It was the government wasn't it!" she shouted, her face growing scared. Spencer's eyes went wide and he shook his head quickly.

"No, no Mom. It wasn't the government. I was just beat around a bit by a bad guy while working." he told her in the simplest way possible without having to go into details. Evie looked at him with a worried look too. Great, now he had two people worried.

Spencer watched his mother's eyes brim with tears as she tilted her head and looked at him.

"I told you, I don't like that job!" she said, obviously shaken up. Spencer sighed and sat next to her on the edge of her bed. He wrapped his arms around her, trying to calm her down.

"I know mom, I'm sorry. I'm fine now, I promise." he reassured her, rubbing her back. It took a while to distract her away from the scars, but Spencer finally got her intrigued in a book Evie went to go pick up from across the street at the book store. The rest of the night was spent in his mom's room either reading or just talking about what Spencer and Evie had been up to lately and their plans for Christmas and New Year's Eve. They were able to go the rest of the night without an episode, which Spencer was grateful for.

"You be careful." Diana said at the end of the night right as Spencer and Evie were saying their goodbyes. This time they wouldn't be returning. Their flight for Pennsylvania left the next morning before visiting hours started for the Sanitarium. Spencer hugged her one last time before she turned to Evie and gave her a fond smile.

"You too, sweetie." she said before wrapping Evie in a hug too. Spencer watched Evs be taken off guard by the sudden notion, but then relax and hug her back. Once they helped Diana put her books and photo albums back, they stood at the threshold of her door, about to leave.

"I love you, Mom." Spencer said, earning a smile from his mother.

"I love you too, baby. Keep writing." she reminded him. He never missed a day of writing to her.

"I won't. I promise."

Spencer and Evie were pretty tired by the time they got back to the hotel. They stayed up talking for a while. He asked her how she had known how to react to his mother's schizophrenia episode and she just shrugged and said it felt right. Evie fell asleep pretty quickly after that, but Spencer found it difficult. He was meeting her father tomorrow. He was kind of like his mom in the sense of their relationship. Evie's father was the last of her relatives that really mattered to her. It was so important that he made a good impression. He wasn't good with confrontation or meeting people or... people in general.

The next day around noon, Spencer sat in another rental car in the driveway of Evie's old house in Centerport, Pennsylvania. He was even more nervous than he was right before he saw his mom. Evie didn't look nervous so much as just uncomfortable. He didn't blame her. He wouldn't like coming back to the house where he'd seen his mother murdered before his eyes either.

"Ready?" she asked, trying to force a peppy tone in her voice. Spencer sighed and turned the ignition off, stilling the steady rumble of the car.

"No..." he mumbled under his breath.

"What?" Evie asked, confused.

"Nothing."

Evie got out of the car first, going around to the back to open the trunk. Spencer hesitantly followed, helping pull out some of the bigger suitcases.

"Spence, you'll be fine." Evie said, almost reading his mind. He gave her a forced smile and put her suitcase on the ground so he could pull out his satchel to sling it around his shoulder. Once Evie shut the trunk, Spencer heard the squeak of a front door open. They both turned their attention to the house where the man that Spencer has only seen in pictures, stepped out onto the front porch.

"Hi Dad." Evie said, smiling a bit as he made his way down the steps towards where they stood.

"Hey, E." he said, wrapping her in a hug and smiling as well. He was about the same height as Spencer, but more built. His face was angled, but it looked weary and gray. He had stubble on his face and forehead creases that made him look older than Spencer knew he was. He had those same gray eyes Evie had, but different in the sense that they looked tired and worn opposed to Evie's sparkling ones.

"Dad, this is Spencer." she said, turning to Spence as he did the same. Mr. Lawrence nodded and gave a smile, reaching out to shake his hand. Reid never shook anyones hand but this was the only exception in the world. There was no way he was going to risk messing this up. He caught Evie's surprised look out of the corner of his eye, almost amused at how he caught her off guard.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Lawrence." he said.

"Nice to meet you, too. I've heard lots, believe me. And call me Ed." he said. Spencer felt himself relax a bit. He was a lot friendlier than he'd imagined. Maybe Evie's overthinking was contagious.

"Come on in, it's cold out here." he said, reaching to take Evie's suitcase to roll it in for her. Spencer locked the car and felt Evie's hand slip into his as they walked to the house. The home itself was a worn light green color that looked more gray from time wearing it down. The porch was lined with white columns and old railings with the paint chipping off. The house looked old but it was quaint. Spencer liked it.

"Alright, I have your room all ready for you." Ed told Evie upon entering the house. The living room was moderately sized with white carpeting and beige walls. The couch and recliner was white and there was a big TV next to a fireplace that looked like it hasn't been used in years. The living roomw as attached to the kitchen and Spencer could see an office and a bathroom through two different thresholds from where he stood. There were stairs on the far end of the room, leading up to the dark second floor.

"Alright. We'll be right back." Evie said, nudging Spencer towards the stairs.

"I ordered pizza. Something easy since I wasn't sure when you guys were getting in." Ed explained. "Evie loves the Italian one they have at the place down the street."

"Oh yeah, she has to get her special italian every time we get pizza." Spencer said, smiling to himself. It was another thing that Evie was crazy about that he thought was adorable. They started up the stairs to a small hallway with four doors, two on each side. Evie went to the last one on the right. There was a poster of Mark Twain on her door that made Spencer smile. He could already tell that Evie had lived here.

"Man, it's been a while since I've been here." She said, pushing the door open to reveal a room with light blue walls that were covered in paintings and drawings and posters. There were designs painted on the edges of her walls and a comforter that matched. She had a fluffy black rug at the foot of her bed and a white desk that had mounds of papers, notebooks, and sketchbooks that looked like they were tried to make look more presentable within a couple of seconds. There were two bookshelves on each side of the room, each one filled to the brim with books.

"This is very much an Evie room." Spencer said, amused as he set his bags down by her desk chair. Evie chuckled and put her bags down as well, stretching her arms out behind her and sighing.

"Home sweet, ohhhhh..." she said, stopping midsentence. Spencer frowned at her sudden excitement and watched her run to her bedside and pet what he had thought was a small black fuzzy pillow, but now that he actually gave it a second glance it was a cat. It was thin with black sleek fur. He could tell it was fully grown, but it was smaller than most cats. It instantly began purring when Evie rubbed its head and leaned back into her touch.

"This is Picasso." she said, sitting on the edge of the bed to pet her cat further. Spencer rembered her mentioning him once. It'd been her cat since she was 14, meaning it was a pretty old cat. Evie looked completely content, rubbing her cat behind the ears and listening to it purr.

Spencer moved to sit on the edge of her bed with her, just looking at the cat, not knowing what to expect. He never really had any experiences with animals, they were almost like a foreign concept to him when it came to actually interacting with one.

"Come here." Evie said, tugging his wrist lightly so she brought his hand towards the cat. Picasso mewed and leaned forward to sniff Spencer's hand. He jumped at the cool touch of his nose, making Evie laugh.

"He won't bite." she assured him.

"Animals are unpredictable." Spencer said as Picasso became uninterested and resumed leaning his head into Evie's hand and purring.

"We should get a kitten." she said happily, stroking the black cats neck.

"Nuh-uh."

"Yeah huh."

"Nuh-uh."

"Yeah huh."

"Did you know Pablo Picasso was born on October 25th, 1881 in..."

"Málaga, Spain? Yes I did." Evie said, smiling as she shot down his attempt to change the subject. Spencer scowled at her, making her chuckle. He decided to drop the cat matter and look around her room. Her sketches were gorgeous like always. He could see a change in them however. She used to draw with so much color. It looks like she used to create her own magical little worlds and creatures and reflect them onto a canvas. Spencer watched as from one side of the wall to the other, they grew grayer and more lifelike. His profiling told him it had to have evolved by the loss of her mother. Often works of art could reflect so much about a person. Evie's certainly did.

"Is this your mom?" he asked quietly, picking up a picture frame on the nightstand next to Evie's bed. She turned to glance at the photo, her face serious as she nodded.

"Mhm. That's when we went to the Fair that comes here every summer. She'd always take me at least twice each year and we'd get this really good cotton candy that they had." she said, a mix of hurt and happy reminicing in her voice. Spencer smiled and nodded, setting the picture back down. The woman looked exactly like Evie, but older save for the fact that her eyes were a deep brown. She obviously had inhereted her father's eyes.

"Hey guys, pizza is here." Ed's voice called up the stairway.

"Okay!" Evie called back, giving her cat one last pat on the head before standing to wrap her arms around Spencer. He returned the gesture, securing his arms around her tiny waist.

"He likes you, you know. I told you that you had nothing to worry about." she said. Spencer rolled his eyes and kissed her forehead.

"Yeah, because you're the Queen of keeping it calm." he said sarcastically, earning a punch in the shoulder. He smirked and kissed her cheek.

"I love you." he said, looking into her eyes.

"I love you too." she said.

Throughout lunch and the rest of the day, Ed came to be appauled by some of the stuff Spencer knew. He stared at him for a while in amazement after he'd casually given the statistics on Italian Sausage. After that he had tried to think of any possible question that Spencer didn't have the answer to, turning it into a sort of game between the two of them. Evie's dad found it amusing that the question that ended up stumping Spencer in the end was what state the Crimson Tide football team played for.

"Sports aren't exactly my forte." Spencer explained, after giving up on the answer that ended up being Alabama. Evie's dad laughed and nodded.

"Evie never really cared for spors either." he said, playfully nudging her arm while she sat in the chair next to him. She smiled and rolled her eyes.

"No matter how hard you tried." she said. Spencer smiled to himself while watching her. He knew her father was usually a delicate subject. Often he was depressed, but Evie had told Spencer about how he hid it when she was around. He studied her father for a moment, noticing the fade from his smiles and the weary look in his eye. He was definitely hiding it.

The sun began to set around six since it was in the dead of winter. Luckily it wasn't too cold outside just yet, and snow hadn't yet come. The ground was crisp and frozen for the most part though, and sometimes there was a light sprinkle of snow that rained down around the little house.

"Hey, I want to show you something." Evie said when they were in her room, looking through her old photo albums. Spencer raised an eyebrow at her expectantly. She smiled excitedly at him. He knew that look. It usually meant she had something special in store for him.

"Get your coat and shoes on." She said, pushing herself up off the floor to go get her own. Spencer smiled and shook his head, watching her hop excitedly to her closet to grab tons of blankets as well. He learned not to question her. Within a few minutes, they got bundled up in many layers of clothing and each carried three or four blankets. They made their way down stairs to where Ed was watching football on TV, looking through miscellanious paperwork.

"Hey Dad, I'm going to show Spencer the clearing. We'll be back soon." she said, raising his gaze from the papers up to see them at the doorway with tons of blankets.

"Stay warm." he said, nodding and turning back to his papers. Evie had a difficult time unlocking the door in her knit mittens, but managed so they could step into the crisp air. The cold wind bit at Spencer's skin so he pulled his scarf up further to cover more of his neck.

"Follow me." she said, bounding down the steps and beginning to make her way towards the backyard. The houses on her street were spread pretty far apart, so their backyard was large and open with a big oak tree around the middle. Further back there were small patches of wooded area. The red-orange glow of the setting sun filtered through the trees ahead of them, casting long shadows of tangled branches over the stretching patches of grass. The remaining dead leaves and frosted over grass crunched under their feet as they walked further from the house and more towards the woods.

"Evie, why are we doing this again?" Spencer asked, squeezing his arms close to his sides to try to keep warmer.

"I'm going to show you what used to be my favorite place in the world." she said. Spencer smiled at her, watching her brown-red hair blow around her as she walked.

"Used to be?" he asked, wondering what her new favorite place was now.

"Now it's wherever you are." she said, moving her blankets to hold them in on arm so she could link the other with his. Spencer smiled and kissed her cheek while walking, making her smile as well.

When they reached the first patch of trees, Evie guiding him through the branches and roots. He was just focused on not falling over the uneven ground. He was already uncoordinated on regualar ground, he didn't much like walking through tangles of brush and roots.

"Just a bit further." she told him. Spencer glanced back and saw the back of her house fading off through the trees. The entire back wall of the outside of the house looked orange from the way the sun was shining its last rays upon it. When he wasn't paying attention. he nearly ran into a tree, yelping and jumping out of the way in time to narrowly miss it. Evie glanced back and laughed, nodding her head in the direction ahead of her.

"It's right here." she said, pushing through two evergreen branches tangled together. Spencer was sure to make sure he knew where he was walking, making his way towards the area that Evie had just pushe through. He couldn't see her now that she'd walked throught he small tunnel made of trees close together. He groaned before pushing through the prickly branches of evergreen trees, breaking out into open air.

Evie and Spencer stood at the edge of a clearing surrounded by a mix of evergreen, willow, oak, and various trees. Vines hung down over their heads from a giant tree that stood strong behind them. Spencer imagine it looked even more gorgeous in the summer with green leaves all throughout the canopy of trees. The evergreens still added that beautiful color to it, thought. There was the quiet sound of water trickling to their right. Spencer stood on his tiptoes to see over a group of brush and tangles to see a small creek running around the clearing down a small slope. There was a giant group of rocks near the other end of the clearing and more elevated land on the other side. Evie headed towards the elevated land of the clearing, taking Spencer with her. He could tell why this was her favorite place. She loved nature first of all, but it was closed off in the woods so that there were no signs of anyone else around them. It was like they were in their own little world.

"Put down two blankets right here." Evie said, pointing at a spot at the top of the small slope of grass. Spencer smirked and nodded.

"Yes ma'am." he joked, making her smile as well. She helped him spread out the edges of two blankets, climbing on top when they were finished. Spencer crawled on as well, helping her spread out the rest of their blankets on top of them, sighing happily with the warmth enveloped them and shielded the couple from the occasional harsh gusts of wind. Evie folded up a blanket to make a pillow of sorts for them and put in behind where they sat, lying down and patting the empty spot of blanket next to her to tell Spencer to join her. He smiled and lied down, turning on his side under the weight of the blankets to face her, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her into him.

"Do you like it?" she asked, her gray eyes sparkling and looking deeply into his.

"I do." he said, kissing her nose. She smiled happily and put a hand on the back of his neck, pulling him in closer to press her lips against his. Spencer moaned with content, gratefully kissing her back. He tasted her lips, eventually moving inside of her mouth as well. Evie sighed against him, wrapping a leg around his waist and pulling his hips into hers. Spencer was lost in her movements, loving everything about her. He moved his hand under her shirt, feeling her soft skin and gently tracing circles onto her bare hip with his finger tips. When he started needing more than that, he flipped them so he was on top of her, each of his legs on either side of hers and his upper body held above her own by his forearms holding him up.

He gasped when he suddenly felt her hand working at the buttons of his jeans, getting a sinister smile back from her. He made his own efforts towards her jeans as well, working to unbotton them while still holding hismelf above her body.

"Are we really going to do... this here?" Spencer asked, a small smile playing on his lips. Evie nodded.

"Do you have any objections about that?" she asked. The sparkle in her eyes already told him she knew the answer.

"Not at all."


	7. Holidays

**"Holidays are about experiences and people, and tuning into what you feel like doing at that moment. Enjoy not having to look at a watch."**

**~Evelyn Glennie**

Christmas Eve came soon enough. Spencer and Evie eventually found themselves on JJ's front doorstep at seven that night. Evie took a breath of cold air, trying to ignore the way it stung her throat. Snow collected in

Reid heard footsteps approach the door and the click of the lock sounded until the door was pulled open, revealing Will in a dress shirt and dark jeans. He smiled upon seeing them, stepping back to leave space for them to enter.

"Hey guys, come on in." he said. They gratefully did, taking shelter from the cold. JJ's entire house was illuminated with a warm friendly glow. There was a garland running along the railing of her stairs and various other Christmas decorations throughout the house. Spencer and Evs took off their shoes by the door as the small patter of feet hurriedly grew closer.

"Hey, buddy." Spencer said, putting an arm around Henry's back when he threw his arms around Spencer's waist. He ruffled his hair before Henry receded to smile excitedly up at Evie before throwing his arms around her waist too.

"Hey, you. Merry Christmas." she said, giving him a squeeze and nudging his side to make him jump back and giggle.

"Aunt Garcia and Uncle Derek are already here." he said in his small voice while Will took Spencer and Evie's coats.

"Why don't you go show them, Henry?" Will asked gently, pointing over to where the light from the living room filtered out into the hallway.

"Okay!" he exclaimed excitedly, hopping off through the hallways to the threshold leading towards the living room. Spencer exchanged a smile with Evie that said 'Damn he's so cute'. They followed Henry in his cute little Christmas sweater to the living room where Garcia, Derek, and JJ sat around the fire, wine in their hands. They all looked up when Evie and Spencer entered the room, the room breaking into smiles.

"Hey, there they are. All the way from Las Vegas and Pennsylvania. How was it?" Morgan was the first to greet, getting up off the couch to pat Spencer on the back and give a quick one arm squeeze to Evie.

"It was nice." Spencer said as Garcia got up as well, hurrying over in her over-the-top Christmas outfit. Her shirt was red with ruffles in the front, the hem lined with white fuzz. Her skirt was green and red striped and long, reaching to her ankles. It had little holly leaves lining the bottom as well, and white gems scattered throughout the skirt like snowflakes. Her hair was curled like it usually was, and she wore a headband with pink sparkly antlers on top.

"Nice won't cut it!" she smiled through bright red lipstick. "I want all the juicy details." she said, wrapping Spencer in a hug first. Evie caught him rolling his eyes playfully, hugging her back before she moved to Evie, doing the same. She smelled like the new perfume she bought when her and Spencer had gone shopping; a cinnamon mint scent.

"Merry Christmas." JJ said, next in line for hugs. She gave Spencer a one arm squeeze with one arm, as the other was holding her wine. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and came to Evie to do the same, being careful not to spill her wine.

"Are you guys hungry? We've almost got dinner ready." Will's accent carried across the room.

"Starving." Evie said. They had a great dinner with a rotisserie chicken and all kinds of side dishes. Evie was completely full by the end, and so was everyone else. They all moved to the living room later to watch Henry squeal with excitement while opening presents. JJ had kept saying,

"You guys shouldn't have done this much," and "Oh God, you're too nice." with almost every present he opened. Everyone knew Spence and Penelope wouldn't listen though. Evie knew how much their godson meant to them. There was nothing wrong with spoiling the kid a bit.

"Did you guys see the lights on our street on your way over?" Will asked, turning to Evie and Spencer. Evie frowned, trying to remember if everyone had their Christmas lights turned on or not. It was just reaching the nights darkest point when they'd gotten there. Of course Spencer remembered though.

"No, they weren't on yet." he said from his spot on the floor next to Evie's feet. She always subconsciously played with his hair whenever he sat on the floor in front of her while she sat on the couch so he often liked to do that.

"You guys have got to see them. It looks amazing, looking down the street." JJ said, taking another sip of red wine. Garcia gasped and clapped her hands together. She stood up excitedly, setting her glass down on the coffee table.

"We have to go see them!" she exclaimed, pulling at Morgan's hand. He moaned and threw his head back.

"Baby girl, I'm still in a food coma." he said, lying there unmoved from Garcia's efforts. She persisted though, trying hard to pull him off the couch.

"Come onnnnnn, lazy." she said, glancing over her shoulder without letting go. "Henry, come help me." she said, waving him over. Henry smiled and jumped up to his feet, taking hold of Derek's other hand.

"Come on, Uncle Derek." he said, tugging on his arm as well. Neither him nor Garcia was able to make him even budge, but their persistence seemed to sway him. Evie laughed when he groaned and pushed himself up, giving in.

"Fine, fine..." he groaned, smiling over at Evie and Spencer. "You guys aren't missing out." he said, pointing at them both. Spencer was the first to push himself up, turning to Evie to hold out his hands. Evie smiled and took each of them in her own. He yanked her up, making her yelp. Spencer kissed her cheek quickly and then they followed Morgan and Garcia out the door.

"Oh God, It's beautiful." Garcia breathed once they had all bundled up and walked out to the end of JJ's driveway to look down the street. Each house had thoroughly, some colored and some white. Even the trees on the tree lawn were strung with lights, making the entire street look like it was covered in its own sky of stars.

"Our street decides on going full out every year." JJ said, marveling at the lights as well. Spencer wrapped an arm around Evie, pulling her close. She smiled up at him, looking at his brown eyes that reflected all of the sparkling lights before them. He caught her gaze and looked down at her kissing her forehead. She smiled at the contact of his soft warm lips and leaned into him.

Suddenly, Spencer yelped and jolted forward. Evie jerked back to look at Spencer in surprise, wondering what just happened. Spencer had the most possible annoyed look on his face. His mouth was pressed in a thin line as he slowly turned around to look at Morgan who was holding back from bursting out laughing. Evie finally saw what had happened. There was snow all over the back of Spencer's coat. Of course.

"Snow ball fight!" Henry yelled excitedly, running to the other end of the yard to collect snow together for a snowball.

"Uh, Henry. Tonight's not a good night, honey..." JJ began to say reluctantly. That was until Spencer scooped up a handful of snow. Before Morgan could get away, Spencer was able to get most of the handful down the back of his shirt. Morgan howled from the cold, laughing at the same time.

"That's not cool, that's not cool." he kept saying. When he had shaken out the rest of the snow that hadn't melted, he had a wicked gleam in his eye. Evie heard Spencer swear under his breath from beside her and within less than a second, he was off, running from Morgan who was already gathering up snow into a compact ball.

"Evie..." she heard Spencer whine from his place behind a tree in the front yard of JJ and Will's house. "Help me." he said, giving her his intentional puppy dog eyes. Evie rolled her eyes and smiled, watching Morgan jump left, then right, faking Spencer out so that he ran around the tree.

Evie bent down and gathered snow together, much like Henry was doing over and over again at the other end of the yard. He had a nice pile now.

"Uh oh, Lawrence." Will said, smirking over at Evelyn as she was picking up her snowball. She smiled back at him before throwing it into the air, except it wasn't at Morgan like Spencer would've liked. The snowball hit Spencer in the arm, catching him off guard. He froze, his attention turning from Morgan to Evie with wide eyes and his mouth agape in surprise.

"Whose side are you on?" he asked, baffled. Evie laughed as he gathered up snow, this time meant for her. Garcia had joined in, attacking Morgan with snow and Henry began to use his inventory to go for his mom and dad. The entire yard erupted into a scramble to see who could get who with more snowballs. Evie was hit a couple of times by both Morgan and Reid, and soon it evolved into a boys versus girls war in the middle of the yard.

"What happened to we're in this together?" Spencer asked, coming up behind Evie in the commotion to wrap his arms around her waist and pick her up off the ground. He buried his face in her hair and neck, breathing hot air on her skin and making her squirm.

"You threw a snowball at me when we got home earlier today. That was pay back." she said as he spun her around. Evie shrieked as he started tickling her at her sides, still holding her above the ground so that she couldn't get away.

"He took one of ours captive!" Evie heard Garcia yell from the other end of the yard. Within second her team of JJ and Garcia were pelting snow at Spencer, trying to help Evie out.

"Hey, hey, not fair." Spencer said, not being able to help himself as he laughed, trying to hide behind Evie. The other guys joined in too, even Henry getting some good shots in.

Within the next thirty minutes or so, they were all exhausted from running around in multiple heavy layers of clothing. They'd called it truce and made a pact for no more snow balls, everyone returning inside satisfied and pretty soaked from melted snow.

"I'll take any outer clothes and throw them in the dryer." JJ offered, holding out her arms for people to give her wet clothes. Everyone stood in the foyer, peeling off their soaked coats and jackets.

"I'm soaked all the way through." Evie heard Spencer say as he thanked JJ as she took his wet coat and vest. His dress shirt had patches of water as well, and his pants were absolutely drenched. Evie looked down at herself after pulling her coat off. Her tight sweater was mostly wet and her jeans were just as soaked as Spencer's.

"I guess we'll have to dry out by the fire." Garcia said, looking at her soaked skirt and frowning. "Oh no..." she mumbled, running her fingers over the jewels.

It took ten minutes to get everyone situated. JJ was about the same size as Evie so she could borrow a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt. She was just pulling a blanket over her shoulders to get warmer while standing in JJ's bedroom. She shivered, and then left JJ's room that she'd gotten dressed in and started down the stairs.

"That is so darling." Evie heard Garcia's voice cooed as soon as she came near the living room. She enterd to see Spencer stretched out on the floor, fast aslep and Henry was lying right next to him, just as deep into dreams. They were close to the fire, Spencer trying to dry out his clothes and Henry just always wanting to do what Uncle Spence was doing. Spencer was on his back, his arms pulled into his chest for more warmth. Henry was on his side, his head in his arms, facing his Uncle Spence.

"Aw, how long was I up there?" Evie said, wondering how they could've fallen asleep so quickly.

"Not long at all. They were out as soon as they stretched out on the floor." Morgan said, smirking at the two of them with an affectionate gaze in his eyes. Garcia was the first to break away from the adoring of the cute scene to walk over to the closet in the foyer. Evie watched her pull a blanket off of the top shelf and bring it over to the living room. She stretched her arms out wide, unfolding the blanket so she could lie it over them both.

"Anyone want pie?" JJ's voice came quietly from the kitchen, just above a whisper so not to wake Spence or Henry.

"Ooh, you know I would." Morgan said, swaggering off to the kitchen to help JJ. Evie stood there and continued to watch Garcia fuss over Spencer and Henry. She straightened out the fabric, making Reid stir just a bit but not enough to wake up.

"You okay there?" Penelope asked, glancing over at Evie once she was done laying the blanket down on Spence and Henry. Evie snapped out of her daze, nodding.

"Yeah, yeah. This is just the most soundly he's slept in months." she said, sadly smiling a bit. That was only to hide the pang in her chest that shot through her when she'd realized it was true. Spencer was hurting and she knew it and he wouldn't even accept it.

Garcia frowned at her through worried eyes, looking as if she was fighting with herself over something to say.

"Evie... We all know something is going on with him. Has he talked to you at all yet? He promised me he would." Garcia said, her voice strained from concern. Evie knew that she always hurt when thinking of other people's pain. It was something she loved about Penelope.

"No, he hasn't." Evie said slowly, a little surprised that even Garcia confronted him about it. Everyone knew and he was still denying it. "I've tried to talk to him about it numerous times, but he shuts me out."

"Well he promised me he would after he had the pa-" Garcia stopped midsentence, her eyes going wide like she had just realized what she said. She shut her mouth that was still open wide with the last word still on her lips. She cast her eyes to the ground and pretended like she never said anything.

"What was that last part, baby girl?" Morgan asked, coming up behind Evie. He'd been listening from the kitchen with worried eyes and thick eyebrows drawn together as well. Evie frowned at Garcia, her mouth open a bit in surprise. What did she know, and why wasn't she telling anyone?

"Garcia..." Evie said in a warning tone, trying to keep her voice down enough so that Henry and Spencer didn't wake.

"I promised I wouldn't tell!" she said, looking up at Evie through guilty eyes. Evie looked away, running her hands through her hair in frustration. She could've sworn it sounded like she was about to say panic attack.

"Momma... Did Reid have a panic attack?" Morgan asked, mirroring her thoughts. Garcia looked down at the ground, biting her lip. She glanced over at Reid as if to make sure he was still fast asleep before looking up at them and nodding. Evie closed her eyes, shaking her head. This was going way too far. There was no way he could ignore it this long.

"He said he didn't want to ruin the Holidays." Penelope said in a small voice, turning all of their head to look at the sleeping Spence on the floor.

"I'll talk to him afterwards." Evie said, watching the steady rise and fall of Spencer's back. Garcia nodded, turning to look at Evie with the same concerned expression.

"Evie, I'm really sorry I didn't say anything..."

"No, no. Don't be, it's his place to." she assured her, holding out her arm for Garcia to walk into. The worry faded from her face as she walked forward for Evie to wrap an arm around her shoulders. Penelope and her began walking through the kitchen towards the dining room where JJ was setting out plates for pie.

"Mmm, pie time." Morgan said, brightening the mood when he rubbed his hands together, a dopy grin spreading across his face.

"How can you possibly still be hungry? I've barely recovered from dinner." Garcia joked as they all walked into the dining room.

"Something's gotta compensate for all this muscle." Morgan joked cockily, holding out his arms and flexing.

"Mmm, forget pie. Get me some of that." Garcia purred, raising her eyebrows at Morgan. Evie laughed and shook her head. If anyone could lighten the tone, it was them.

Spencer's back arched against his will as the hot fire stoker pressed deep into his back. He heard the sizzle and smelled the awful scent of his own burning skin. It felt like his entire body was on fire, and the only thing he could think of was, make it stop, make it stop. When the heat was finally pulled back from his skin, he let out a deep breath, his throat pained from crying out. His chest heaved in and out with his rugged breaths and his wrists burned from the restraints he hadn't noticed he'd been straining against.

"I'm bored." the voice that haunted him for months hissed. Spencer used all of the power in him to raise his head to look at the silhouette of a man above him.

"Wh- what more do you want..." he asked, breathless and terrified of the answer.

"I want her." the man said. Spencer frowned, looking up at the dark figure of his attacker with a confuzed gaze.

"Who?"

Instead of answering, a door flew open at the other side of the room. Evie was kneeling on the ground, her hands tied with rope in front of her and her mouth gagged. Tears gathered in her eyes and she took sharp short breaths of panic. Her eyes drilled into his like they were begging for him to help her.

"No..." he said with all the strength he could muster. "No... No, no, no..."

Spencer jolted awake in a foreign place. The first thing he noticed was the fire only a couple feet away from him. He was instantly reminded of the hot stoker jabbed into his back, and his breathing picked up to a panicked pace, his eyes wide.

"Hey, hey, hey..." he heard a familiar voice say. Spencer swallowed and whipped around to see JJ reaching over to gently lie a hand on his shoulder. "You okay, Spence?" she asked, worry clear in her blue orbs. Spencer let out a relieved breath, realizing he was in JJ's living room. Henry lied in a sleeping heap near him, a blanket covering them both as they lied by the fireplace. He remembered lying down on the floor to stretch out and relax while waiting for Evie to get dressed, but he must've fallen asleep into a nightmare. Again.

"Spence?" JJ asked again when he wouldn't answer. Spencer brought his eyes to hers, feeling himself still shaking. She looked terrified, watching his expression. The memory of seeing Evie tied up and scared spurred motivation in Spencer. He looked around the room frantically, ignoring JJ trying to calm him by rubbing his shoulder. Where was she, where was Evie?

"Evie..." he muttered with panicked tones. JJ tilted her head to look him in the eyes.

"I'll go get her." She said soothingly, beginning to get up from her position kneeling beside Henry who was miraculously still sleeping. Spencer felt his heart jump. Wait, no. Evie couldn't know he had freaked out again. She'd question them and he didn't want her too and then he would accidentally snap at her and the whole situation would just lead to making things worse.

"No!" Spencer whispered shrilly, stopping JJ dead in her tracks. She stood above him, her eyebrows frowning in confusion.

"Spence..." she began to protest, but Spencer shook his head frantically.

"No, no. She can't know. I'll be fine." Spencer said, looking down at the floor and running his hands through his hair in attempt to recompose himself. Reid tried to make himself believe the same thing he had just told Jayge. He would be fine. He didn't even believe it himself, and he doubted it worked on JJ either.

"Spence, you can't keep going on like this." JJ whispered, looking down at Henry for a moment to make sure that he hadn't waken. Spencer felt himself swell with annoyance. Why did everyone feel like it was their business to tell him what he needed to do or how he felt? He wasn't a baby, despite how they liked to treat him sometimes.

"Jennifer, please." He said, using her full name like he often did when he was either mad or extremely serious. Her blue eyes gleamed as she just stared at him for a while with the most disapproving of gazes. Spencer looked down at the floor uncomfortably before glancing back up at Jayge with wide pleading eyes. She finally looked away, sighing and shaking her head.

"I'm going to put Henry to bed." Was all she said. Spencer expected to hear more, but JJ was silent while reached down to scoop up a limp Henry in her arms and hoist him up, grunting a bit from the strain of the weight of his body. Spencer watched her the entire time, grimacing at the disappointed and slightly angry look on her face. She said nothing else however, eventually leaving the room towards the foyer to make her way to Henry's room. Spencer took a deep breath, now alone in the middle of the living room. He looked into the fire, letting the flames hypnotize him as he just sat there thinking.

Reid was eventually turn from his thoughts about what to do when he heard Evie's low murmur from the dining room. He listened to her laugh along with Will, Garcia and Morgan, smiling to himself just at the sound of her voice. He felt awful lying to her. Somewhere deep inside he knew he wasn't alright and he knew he should confide in someone or at least confront what was turning into PTSD, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Spencer sighed and pushed himself up in the living room. He started making his way towards the dining room where everyone else was sitting around the table and eating pie and drinking wine. Everyone's head turned to look at him as he entered, but he ignored them and moved towards Evie. She turned her gaze upwards to look at him as he towered above her, standing behind her chair. He smiled down at her with a mix of regrets and forced contentment. It was almost like she detected the way he had to force his smile. She frowned for a fraction of a second, but then looked as if she forced a smile as well. Spencer didn't want this. He didn't want to play this game. The game where they both pretended to be happy but somewhere in the back of their minds, they knew that something was wrong. In the depths of his mind, Spencer promised himself that if it got any worse, he would talk to her. It was a promise easier said than done.

For now Spencer decided to just enjoy the time he had with her and his friends. He put his hands on her shoulders, gently massaging them, causing her to close her eyes and gently hum in bliss so only he could hear. For then, everything seemed alright.

Spencer woke up that morning like it was any other morning. Early. This morning wasn't just any morning though. It was Christmas morning. Spencer wanted to make everything perfect as if it might make up for even some of the trouble he had been causing lately. He was now in the kitchen, making breakfast for Evie who still was not up. He wrestled with the eggs and other ingredients as they sizzled in the pan. It seemed his thoughts were elsewhere however. This was nothing new. They often were. He dazed off looking into the yellow mix of eggs in the skillet. No matter how much he wanted things to be the same again, he knew that they weren't. And not only that, it was his fault.

Somewhere in the bedroom, Spencer heard rustling. He knew that Evie had just woken up. Spencer just missed all of his negative thoughts. Just the thought of her, brightened his mood every time. Spencer flips the egg that was slowly turning into an omelet, and pressed it into the sizzling heat of the pan. No matter how many terrible thoughts and feelings he had been having lately, he still considered himself to be the luckiest man in the world. He had Evie, and that's all he needed.

Spencer put the finished omelet onto a plate next to the fruit that included all of Evie's favorites. He turned off the stove and ran to the other side of the room, looking under the sofa where he had hid the little bag that contained her present. He grabbed the little box, opening it up to look at the necklace one last time. Nothing would ever do her beauty justice, but at least this would do.

"Sweetheart?" Spence heard Evie call out tiredly from the bedroom. Spencer lightly smiled. He made his way towards the kitchen to grab the tray of food, and made his way into the bedroom. The sight of Evie's tired expression made him smile. It made him smile every morning. The way her eyes were only half open, the way her hair was in a disheveled mess, and how she could barely get an audible word out of her mouth. He loves the tired dopey smile she was giving him right now, as he made his way to the side of their bed. He couldn't help but smile back as he sat down on the bed, sinking into the softness of the sheets and blankets. Evie groaned while pushing herself up into a sitting position next to him. She smiled at the sight of the food that he reached over to place on her lap. She then smiled up at him, hitting him with those dazzling gray eyes.

"Merry Christmas." Spencer said, leaning over and kissing the soft skin of her forehead. Evie moaned with a mix of fatigue and happiness.

"Merry Christmas. You're so sweet." Evie said gratefully, still gazing at him with fondness. Spencer chuckled and rolled his eyes playfully.

"Me? Nah..." he said with a fake air of modesty. Spencer leaned his head into her arm, and wrapped his own around her torso. He let his tired eyes slide closed. Just because he couldn't sleep didn't mean that he didn't want to. He wished he could get more sleep. Spence just couldn't.

Evie started on her omelet, occasionally giving Spencer a bite from her for fork. For a while, they sat in silence and just ate. Spencer just watched her beautiful eyes and all of her facial features. Sometimes he loves to just sit back and watch her. He appreciated every little thing, or at least tried.

"I have a surprise for you." Spencer said, smiling up at Evie. She looked at him suspiciously, kissing his forehead.

" You're full of surprises." she said as he sat up beside her. He raised his eyebrows at her, putting a hand on the side of her face. Evie suddenly became serious, watching the way he looks into her eyes. All of the recent stress faded away from them both, and a silent understanding of love stood between them. Spencer smiled, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear and bringing his hand back with the small box that contains her necklace. Every laughed and rolled her eyes.

" You and your magic." she said knowingly, looking fondly at Spencer. He chuckled along with her, holding out the box for her. Evie looked at him, half of a smile crawling up on her face. She took it delicately in her hands, and rubbed her thumb across the top of the box.

"You know, there is something in the box." Spencer joked earning a dirty look from Evie. She finally took the lid in one of her hands, opening it to reveal the necklace Spencer had bought her about a week ago. She gasped upon sight of it, obviously recognizing what it was. She turned to him with wide eyes and her mouth agape. Oh, how he loved that wonderous look.

" You... you found it? How on Earth... Spence, I've been looking everywhere for this. It's gorgeous..." she admired, running her fingers over the chain and the pendant. Spencer smiled at her contentment, and leaned over to kiss her warm cheek. Every glance over at him with a smile filled with childish delight. Spencer raised his eyebrows at her and tilted his head.

"Do you want me to at least attempt putting it on?" Spencer asked with a chuckle, knowing that he had no experience with girls jewelry at all. She smiled over at him and nodded excitedly, her brown and red curls brushing over her bare shoulders that were uncovered by her tight fitting tank top. Spencer reached over and took the box out of her hands, taking out the foam that the necklace was held in. He carefully took the chain out of its hold so it was freed from its restraints. He looked at the small clip at the back of the chain, groaning at how tiny it was. He didn't know how girls did this.

Spencer fought with the little clip for a while, aware that Evie was trying not to laugh at him. He shot her glare that was mixed with an amused smile with himself as well. He finally managed to get it undone, and nudged her to turn around so that he could the guide necklace over her head and pull the chain so that it lied on her collarbone and around her neck. He messed the clip in the back with some trouble, but finally managed to fasten it on. Even after he was done putting it on, Evie stayed in the same position looking down at the pendant that lied on her collar bone, playing with it between her fingers. Spencer admired her and how she appreciated every beautiful thing in the world. He wished he could be more like her.

"Spence, I love it." She breathed, turning to bring her eyes up to his. Reid gave her a small shy smile. Evie leaned in to lay a gentle kiss on his lips. Spencer sighed happily, leaning his forehead onto Evie's after they broke from the kiss. "Thank you." She whispered. Spencer just smiled and nuzzled his nose against hers. After a little bit of them cuddling, Evie jumped up like she seemed to remember something. Spencer found in confusion while watching her lean over her side of the bed seeming to fiddle with things under the bed frame. She came back with a small box in her hands, wrapped with dark green wrapping paper. She smiled at Spencer and handed it to him, making him smile.

"Evs, I don't deserve anything..."

"Sush." She shut him up, hating when he was overly modest. Spencer chuckled, knowing she never liked that. He took the small box, tearing the paper to reveal a box that had a lid fastened on top. Spencer carefully slid it off, his eyes widening when he revealed what was inside.

"Evie... Oh my God, how'd..." he said, picking up the book and turning it around in his hands. Just buy first look he knew that it was a first edition. He knew how expensive those were. He also knew how hard it was to find. He flips through the pages, enjoying that same book smell that he loves.

"Morgan knows a guy. I can't take all credit." She said, putting an arm around his torso. Spencer glanced up at her, not being able to contain his excitement.

"So that's what you were sneaking around about." He said, a smile spreading across his lips, remembering her secret outing when he had been shopping with Garcia. Evie smiled and put tentative fingers at his jaw line, turning his head to face her. She locked her eyes with his, having all of his undivided attention. He leaned forward, brushing his nose against hers. Smiled and brushed her lips against his own, eventually pressing hers full on his. Spencer kissed her back gratefully, realizing this is the best Christmas he is had in probably his entire lifetime. Just being able to have her was able to make it's better than anyone he's ever had.

Later on that day after they had layed around in bed for a while and had finally gotten dressed, Evie had wanted coffee so Spencer took her to the same place where they had gone for their first half-date of sorts. The same one that she had been amazed with that was ajoined with their favorite bookstore. Often they like to go there, remembering the first time they had been together. The excitement and the newness of their relationship never really faded for Spencer. It was like he fell in love with her over and over again each passing day.

Once they had gotten their coffees and made their way out of the crowd of the attached cafe, they walk the aisles of bookcases and looked at the different bindings. Sometimes Spencer would like to pull a book off the shelf and read to her or vice versa. He guessed it was like their special thing, reading to each other since they both share the same passion for literature, it just seemed right.

While examining the books on the second floor of the right hand side of the building, Spencer realized that there was something off about Evie. He turned to her with a frown, wondering why she had suddenly tensed beside him. Her hand tightened and his, and her body was rigid. Her body was turned from his, and so was her gaze. She was looking at something across the aisle way with what looks like a stare of other surprise and confusion. She muttered something under her breath that sounded like oh my god.

Spencer tried to follow her days, but he couldn't see what she saw. He put an arm around her and squeezed her reassuringly.

"What is it, babe?" he asked quietly, watching as Evie became more and more uncomfortable by the second. She glanced over at him for a moment but then returned her gaze to whatever she had been staring at before. She didn't answer his question, which worried him. What possibly could be freaking her out so much?

"Let's go." She suddenly said, turning in the opposite direction from where she had been staring. She took Spencer's hand even tighter and tugged him along behind her like a lost leashed puppy. He looked back over his shoulder, completely confused.

"Evs, what's going on?" He asked, but she continued with her long fast rides that were unusual for her. Usually Spencer was the one that walked too fast with his long legs. Now, he was nearly trotting almost in a run to keep up with her. Evie kept her eyes forward as if she didn't want to look back. Spencer frowned, stopping suddenly when he couldn't take it any longer. He pulled a view to a halt jerking her backwards. She looked back at him with raised eyebrows, like she was actually afraid of stopping.

"Evie, what's..." Spencer started to say, but her gaze interrupted him. Her eyes moved to above his shoulder, someone was behind him. He heard a deep voice sound behind him.

"Evie?" it said, as if it was as surprised as her gaze was. Spencer turned so that he was shoulder to shoulder with Ev, facing the man that had come up behind him. He was completely unfamiliar, because Spencer would have known if he had seen him before. The man had Brown shaggy hair, and stubble across his face. He had wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, although he looked only to be around Spencers age. Evie was squeezing his hand so hard at this point, that it was beginning to hurt. The man stared back at her with the same expression, eventually breaking into a smile of sorts. Obviously, he recognized her and she recognized him as well. Before anyone could say anything, a girl came up by the man's side, wearing a low cut shirt and a high waisted skirt. Her hair was obviously unnaturally blonde, looking more like she had bleached it or have gone overboard with the dye. Spencer was about to ask what the hell was going on, when the man in front of him spoke.

"It's been a while!" He said, smiling as if he was an old friend. Spencer frowned and observed him, taking in the slightest of body movements. On the inside, he was uncomfortable. He could tell.

"Oh, what a surprise." Evie muttered flatly, all surprise fading from her face. Annoyance and disregard replaced it. "Spence, this is my ex boyfriend Calvin." She said. Spencer's eyes went characteristically large. He had heard only a little bit of Calvin, because Evie always said that he was irrelevant to her life and why would she waste time on him when she already had the best boyfriend in the world. He did know enough however, that they had been engaged in the past and he had broken her heart and left her for someone he had been cheating on her with. It had been years ago, and she didn't care about it as much as it used to hurt her. He could still sense how uncomfortable she was, by the way she froze beside him. Suddenly he went as rigid as she did. Seeing this man, he had already gotten the feeling that he didn't like him. Now, knowing who he was, he didn't dislike him. He hated him.

"Calvin, this is my boyfriend. Spencer Reid." She said, introducing them with her eyes cold. Calvin bit his lip and studied Spencer like he was sizing him up. Spencer stared back, just looking straight into his eyes with a deadly stare the entire time. Calvin reached over to shake Spencer's hand, but Spencer didn't much do the same. It wasn't even that he had a thing against shaking hands. Spencer had a specific thing against shaking hands with him. Calvin retracted his hand, looking down at the ground awkwardly. Spencer could catch the small smile that Evie had out of the corner of his eye. He was glad that at least she was amused. Right now, the only thing he could think of was this guy at the bottom of a lake.

"This is Casey." Calvin said, gesturing over at the girl who looked much too young for his age. She smiled dopily and flipped her blonde locks over her shoulder. "My girlfriend." he added in a rushed attempt. Evie raised her eyebrows beside Spencer, but he just kept staring at Calvin, thinking of terrible things that he shouldn't be thinking of with the job he had.

"What happened to Amy?" she asked, almost sounding amused. Calvin shrugged, and diverted his eyes away. Spencer guessed that Amy was the girl he'd cheated on Evie with.

"Um, so... Casey is a dancer." he said, in an apparent attempt to brag. Spencer glanced at Evie to see the corner of her mouth turn up.

"That's cool. Spencer and I are in the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI." she said, shutting him up pretty good. "Well nice seeing you." she said before he could say anything else. She gave Spencer's hand a squeeze, signifying that it was time to go. He made eye contact with Calvin one more time before turning and following Evie out of the bookstore and into the cold snowy air.

"Evie, are you okay?" Spencer asked as soon as they were alone. She turned to him with a confused frown like she didn't get it. Cars rushed along the street behind her, and light snowflakes were falling and collecting in her hair. The wine was picking up pretty badly, so Spencer pulled his arms crossed in front of him to try and stay warmer.

"Yeah why wouldn't I be?" She asked, pulling herself close to his body against the cold. Spencer stuttered, wondering how she was acting so normal. Didn't it bother her in the slightest? It was silent for a while as they walked towards the structure that was the parking garage they were parked in. A few people passed them by on the sidewalk, rushing about like busy city people always were doing.

"Spencer. Nothing he can say or do will bother me now. What's the use? I am already the luckiest girl in the world. I have you, so why does anything he says or does matter? It doesn't. Let's go see the lights in the park." She finally said cheerfully, tugging on Spencer's arm to make him move faster. Spencer smiled at her comment and let her pull him along. He wasn't sure about her being the luckiest girl in the world, but he knew for sure that he was the luckiest guy.

New Years Eve crawled up on them as quickly as Christmas did. Before every knew it, Spencer and Evie were already over at Derek's house for the countdown at a party with the team and family. Evie was standing in his living room with a drink in her hand. She was watching Spencer spout out useless facts to JJ who was barely listening. She smiled to herself, loving how he would ramble on, not caring if anyone was listening or not. She thought about the last few days with him. They had been beyond amazing. By far, and it had been the best holiday season she had had. Not only that, Spencer hadn't had any episodes with his PTSD signs or nightmares lately. They had been able to carry on with each day happily, as if they had never happened. Evie didn't want to get her hopes up, but she really hopes that had been the end of his strange behavior. To be honest, she hadn't thought waiting out would actually work no matter what she told herself. But in the end, it turned out to be alright. Or at least she thought it had.

Evie was interrupted thoughts when someone came up beside her, nudging her arms and making her gasp as she nearly spilled her drink. She turned to see none other than Derek Morgan smirking beside her. She wasn't surprised at all at the cocky smile he had painted across his face. She rolled her eyes playfully, a small smile sneaking up on her lips against her will. Morgan let his chuckles fade, as he turned to her like he was about to say something.

"So how did he like the present?" Morgan asked, joining Evie in watching Spencer in his rapid fact endeavor.

"He loved it." Evie answered, smiling fondly at Spencer as he rambled and rambled without knowing they were watching him. Morgan smiled and nodded, satisfied with her answer. "Thank you." She added, earning a nod from Morgan.

"So how has he been?" Morgan asked in a more serious tone. Every crossed her arms across her chest, careful to keep her drink operate. She took a deep breath, wondering where to start. This time, it would finally be good news.

"He's been good. Normal, really. And normal is great compared to the last couple of months. He hasn't had a nightmare in a while. He hasn't had any possible PTSD episodes. We have been really good." She said truthfully.

"That's great to hear." Morgan said sincerely. Evie nodded and smiled. Just saying it herself, made her believe it even more. Maybe she was okay to get her hopes up for a bit. For one night, she finally was not worried about having to get Spencer to sleep or to keep the bad thoughts and nightmares away. There was something about him however, that Evie could not deny. Some part of her told her that it was not over yet. Some part of her told her that he was still different. She pushed that part down however.

When she turned back to look over at Spencer, he was looking out of the glass door to Morgan's balcony alone at the inky black skies. She tilted her head and watched him dazing off into stretching plain of stars. Evie set her drink down on the counter next to her. She made her way around her group of friends who were talking and laughing. Evs moved across the room in her tight red dress with quarter length sleeves towards Spence who glanced up to look at her with questioning eyes. She smiled and took his hand, using the other to unlock the latch on the sliding glass door. She quietly pulled it open, cold air blowing in.

"You're crazy." Spencer smiled, letting her pull her outside before she shut the door. The night air was cold on Evie's arms and legs, but Spencer instantly wrapped her in his arms. She became warmer just by feeling of his chest. He moved above her, wrestling with the sleeves of his jacket, trying to take it off.

"Sweetheart, it's cold. Leave it on." Evie said, looking up at him with confusion. Spence ignored her and took it off and wrapped it around her arms and back instead. Evie smiled up at him, her insides gushing with warmth just caused from how sweet he was. He pulled her to him so that she wrapped her arms around his torso, He wrapped his own around her back, pulling her close so that they were pressed against each other in an embrace.

Even from outside, they could hear the loud music playing inside of Morgan's apartment. It was a wonder how the landlords hadn't been up to tell them to quiet down yet. It was almost as if the music was playing right outside. The fast beat song ended, and a new familiar one started. Evelyn recognized it at once, looking up at Spencer with glimmer eyes who looked down at her with a knowing smile. He must've realized what it was too.

"This was the song we first danced to." she said, recognizing the beginning of 'See You Soon' by Coldplay. Spencer smiled wider and nodded, kissing her on the forehead.

"I wouldn't forget that." he said, taking one of her hands in his and wrapping the other arm tight around her waist to rest his other hand on her hip. Evie smiled and leaned his head into his chest, letting him guide her to sway with him to the music as they remained wrapped up in each other. Evie glanced inside to the living room where Morgan glanced over to him, his phone in hand that was controling the music playing over the speaker. He winked at her and then turned back around to talk to Rossi so as to give them privacy. Evie smiled to herself and buried her head into Spencer's shirt, nuzzling his collarbone. They danced to the same song they did a few months ago, before they were even dating. It brought back so many memories for Evie, even some of those first nervous feelings. She felt butterflies in her stomach, making her hold him even tighter.

"Ten! Nine! Eight!" voices started shouting from inside. Spencer and Evie looked up to see their team watching the TV through the window. On the screen, the ball was dropping in Times Square. "Five! Four!" they were shouting. Evie turned her glance up to Spencer, smiling gently up at him. She hooked her fingers in his belt loops, pulling his waist against hers. Spencer groaned smiling down at her. he secured his arms around her waist, pulling her in tighter. When everyone shouted "Three! Two! One!", Spencer attacks her lips with his own. Evie smiled a bit into the kiss at first, soon growing more intense and pulling him in deeper with a hand at the back of his neck. She felt Spencers tongue against her own and was beginning to even feel him through his jeans. Suddenly, she really wanted to get home so she could have alone time with him. The holidays couldn't have gone any better. Everything was perfection, but soon everything will change.


	8. To Fall Apart

**"It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart."** **-Suzanne Collins**

The faint noise of the steady rise and fall of Spencer's breathing was one of Evie's favorite things to listen to. As of now, he was laying in bed next to her, turned on his stomach with his face buried into his pillow. One arm was rested on the pill under the bed, and the other was sprawled out far in the other direction, hanging off the edge of the bed. Evie smiled at the sight of him, looking over the top of the book she was reading. He had fallen asleep pretty quickly that night, but it was almost a relief to Evs. As long as he was getting sleep, she was happy.

Evie rubbed her thumb lightly across Spencer's forehead. He moaned and shifted his sleep, stretching out the arm on his pillow, his hand brushing against her side. He didn't move anymore than that and just rested next to her, continuing inhaling and exhaling in a soft rhythm. Evelyn sighed happily while watching him, eventually turning her attention back to her book.

She read for a while, feeling her eyes starting to grow heavy. She yawned and arched her back to stretch, deciding to finish up the chapter and then head off to bed. When she rubbed her eyes to try and rid of fatigue and began reading again, Spencer stirred beside her. She turned her eyes from the words on the page to see him bury his face into his pillow further. Evie tilted her head and watched him, watching to see if he'd wake. He didn't, and instead just resumed his heavy breathing.

Turning back to her book, Evie heard him stir again. She glanced over to see his eyebrows pulled together in his sleep, his face looking pained. His hand was tightly gripping the material of the pillow and his breathing was beginning to change from slow and melodic to fast and panicked.

"Spence, baby..." she whispered, reaching over to run her fingers through his hair. He jumped at her touch, beginning to breathe even faster. Evie frowned and retracted her hand, putting her book down on the bed next her, not bothering to save her place.

"Spencer." she tried again, louder this time. She turned on her side to reach forward hesitantly, wondering if she should risk touching his shoulder. He gently moaning now, his legs and arms beginning to thrash around him. Evie looked at him with frantic eyes, touching his shoulder anyway. He jumped away, but she continued to try and shake him awake from the nightmare that was plaguing him.

"Spencer!" she said loudly, leaning over him and shaking his shoulder. His eyes finally snapped open and he jerked away from her on the other side of the bed. His face was terrified, making Evie's chest tighten. His eyes darted around the room, looking for who knows what. His chest rose and fell heavily, and even from where Evie sat untouched by him, she could tell he was shaking.

"Spence?" she whispered lightly, reaching forward and putting a tentative hand on his knee. Spencer pulled away and cast his eyes downwards.

"What, I'm fine." he immediately said, obviously trying to act like nothing had happened. Evie sighed in disappointment, realizing they were going to go through the same routine again. He'd insist nothing was wrong, she'd try to suggest they look into treating him for PTSD and then he'd snap at her and she'd just let it go. Evie thought this was over.

"No. You're not." Evie said, getting up off the bed to walk around the side of the bed to where he was pushing himself up to sit on the edge. He avoided eye contact with her and played with his hands in his lap uncomfortably.

"Yeah. I am."

"No. You're not."

"You don't know what I feel, Evie." he said, a angry tone creeping up in voice. Evie sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, trying to keep her voice calm.

"You're right, I don't! You never tell me!" she said, looking at him glance up and meet her worried eyes. Spencer returned to looking down at his hands.

"There's nothing to tell." he mumbled bitterly. She didn't know why he was so persistent in shutting everyone out.

"You were just flipping out a moment ago."

"No I wasn't."

"Spencer, I'm pretty sure I was there!" she said, borderline shouting in frustration now. Spencer tensed and even with the way he was looking down, she could see his expression harden. Evie took a deep breath, not wanting to start a fight. She calmed herself down and tried again in a calmer voice. "Why don't you talk to me?"

"What do you think I'm doing right now!" Spencer said, his voice rising. He looked up at her, his soft eyes not looking so soft anymore. "And might I say, it's a pretty pointless conversation." he added, pushing himself off the bed quickly and stalking off to their bathroom. Evie watched him go, wondering how on Earth he could be transformed so quickly. Less than an hour ago, he was cuddling up to her on the bed like a cat, and now he wanted nothing to do with her. Evie tried not to over think things, but she couldn't help thinking: Is this what will split us apart?

Brushing the idea away, she followed him to stand in the open threshold of the bathroom. Spencer had the faucet on and was splashing his face with cold water. If he was okay then why did he look so flustered?

"Spence..."

"No! Don't Spence me." he snapped after he pressed a towel to his face and shut off the water. Evie was taken aback from his remark. He'd never talked to her like that. "I'm not a baby." he muttered agrily, throwing the towel aside and walking past Evie, out the bathroom.

"I know you're-"

"No, no you don't. Not you, not JJ, not Morgan, not Garcia..." he went on, walking across the room and stopping at the foot of their bed. Evie just watched him in confusion from the same spot.

"All you ever do is baby me. I don't need you in my business and I don't need your help." he said, looking up to meet Evie's eyes. She looked back, a pang of hurt coarsing through her for a moment before she felt it being replaced by anger. It was her business too. He's not okay, and everyone can see that.

"Spencer, we just want to help. Everyone knows there's something wrong..."

"Well there isn't!" Spencer full on shouted at her, interrupted Evie in mid sentence. She looked at him with surprise drawn across her face. He looked back, his body tense and his gaze unwavering. She'd never seen him like this before.

"Fine! Keep pretending, Spencer. That's all you do, is shut people out!"

"And you know this from the mere four months I've known you?" he retorted bitterly. For some reason this really hit her. Mostly because the way he said it sounded like she was just some girl he's known for four months that wasn't special and didn't know him. He acted as if they didn't love spending every waking moment together and that they didn't come to know each other more than anyone else had ever known them in their entire lives. She tried to keep the pain swelling in her chest down, looking back at him with the same hard expression.

"Whatever." he muttered before she could say anything. Evie didn't know what to say or do. This had definitely taken a turn for the worst. She never thought it'd turn out like this. She especially wasn't expecting Spencer to walk to his side of the bed and snatch up his pillow angrily. He carried it under one arm and walked over to their closet, swinging the door open in one swift motion.

Evie watched him, a lump growing in her throat. She couldn't let it show, though. She was fed up. She was here for him so many times and gave him so many chances to come to her and he shot her down and made her feel awful every time. Why was she so hurt? It wasn't her fault.

Spencer pulled a blanket down from the top shelf and slung it over his shoulder, not looking over even once. He paused for a second, looking down at the floor, and then made his way towards the bedroom door, most likely to go sleep on the couch in the living room.

"Fine. Run away, Spencer. Tell me when you're ready to grow up." she said, making him stop. He froze, still facing the threshold of the door. She could see his muscles tense in anger at her comment.

Good... she thought. Somewhere deep down she wanted to run to him and hold him and tell him that she'd be there for him no matter what. She pushed that part of her deep down though, and let anger consume her instead. After Reid continued to move out the door, she took long strides forward and slammed the door shut behind him. She went back to the side of the bed and let herself fall on top, staying on her side of the bed as if he was still there.

Evie bit her lip and sunk her head into her pillow, straightening in bed and pulling the covers over her body. She looked up at the ceiling, wondering how everything had gone sour so quickly. The torture he had to go through had changed him in a way... she knew it was nothing permanent. He was just healing, but not doing it in the right way. For a while she couldn't blame him. She had no idea what it was like to go through what he had gone through but she'd went through trauma too. She had nightmares too. Sometimes she still heard his screams in her head, but when she did she'd let him in and let him help. Everyone always told her Spencer always blocked people out. She always thought they were exaggerating until tonight.

Sighing, Evie turned on her side and turned off the bedside lamp on her nightstand. The room was bathed in darkness and suddenly the feeling of being utterly alone hit her. There was no extra weight sinking into the mattress beside her, no arm around her waist, no breath upon her neck. The feeling left her feeling more empty that she'd expected. Evie took a deep breath and rolled her eyes at herself. Who needs him anyway?

The next morning, Evie had woken up pretty early. She had waken multiple times over the night and had such a hard time falling back to sleep. It was inexplicably hard to fall asleep without him there. Every time she'd wake up, she expected Spencer to be right next to her. Every time she found herself disappointed however.

She had gotten ready for work before even leaving the room. The door was still closed from when she'd slammed it shut the other night. Evie tried not to think about it. Maybe he was thinking more clearly now. They never had gone to bed still fighting. They'd always said they'd work it out before anyone went to sleep. She didn't know if sleep would help anything or not.

Once she was read, she timidly opened the door. She cringed as it squeaked, easing it open to reveal the living room. She saw the curled up silhouette of Spencer on the couch, his back rising and falling in time with his breathing. She was still mad, but Evie couldn't help but sigh at how cute he was when he slept like that.

Evelyn tip toed out into the living room, squinting to make out the features of his face in the dark. She wanted to reach out and stroke the hair from his forehead out of habit, but she stopped herself.

_No. I'm still mad._ She tried to convince herself. _Well... Only if he is mad. _

Before Evie could even think of what approach she wanted to take, Spence stirred in his sleep. Evie jumped, not expecting him to move on the couch below where she stood over the arm. His face twisted in the same pained expression that she was unfortunately so very familiar with. Evie bit her lip as he twisted himself up in his blanket. God only knew what kind of terrible things he saw when he closed his eyes. Why was it so hard for him just to accept it and let her help him?

"Spence..." she whispered, hesitantly reaching an arm forward to touch his shoulder. He jerked away from her touch, his eyes instantly snapping open to meet hers. The same terrified expression that he woke up to more morning that not was etched across his face. Evie's must've looked almost similar. She was terrified just by seeing him like this.

Like always, as soon as his expression appeared, it disappeared. Instead, his horrified features changed completely, leaving defensiveness and anger in its place. Evie could feel the weight of her heart drop.

"Leave me alone..." he muttered so quietly that Evie wasn't sure that she'd heard him right. Spencer tore his gaze from hers, collecting the blanket in a bunch in his hands. He occupied himself with gathering up his things off the couch while Evie just stood there frozen, trying not to let the lump in her throat creep up on her.

Spencer got up and started making his way towards their bedroom to get ready. When he glanced at her, there was a flash of guilt there. She could see it. While watching his back as he walked through the threshold into their room, she felt anger bubbling inside her again.

"Spencer!" she yelled before thinking. She stormed into the room after him to see his face turn with a surprised look on it. She cross her arms over her chest, fuming. She'd had it up to here with the way he was treating her. She knew he was going through a rough time, but she was only trying to help and he was treating her like shit.

"I'm not going to take this anymore. Will you please just talk to me like a normal person?"

"A normal person?" he asked, accusingly. Evie sighed and closed her eyes.

"Spencer, that's not what I meant. I just mean that you're being-"

"Being what Evie? Being a little bit off because I was almost tortured to death a couple of months ago? You don't know how I feel." he repeated the same point he was trying to make last night. Now Evie felt like they were running in circles.

"Then tell me! We're supposed to confide in each other about everything! How are you supposed to get better holding it all in?"

"I'm perfectly capable of-"

"No one can do everything alone Spencer. That's part of my job. To be there for you."

"So now being with me is a job?"

"Spencer! You're being so unreasonable! You know that's not what I meant!"

"Well, congratulations. You don't have to suffer through that part of your job anymore. There's no book that says you have to meddle in my business."

"Not everything has to be in a book, Spence."

"I'm trying to get ready. We're going to be late." he muttered, putting a halt on their argument. Evie huffed and stormed out the door.

Work wasn't much better. Evie had hoped that being around their friends would bring them together, but that wasn't the case at all. Their desks being right across from each other wasn't helping either. Garcia had come over to talk to them, completely unaware that they had been squabbling all night.

"It's my two favorite sweeties! Hey, so I was thinking we all go see a movie this weekend since it's been a while since we've gone. There's a horror movie about this kid who keeps having night terrors and-"

"Sounds familiar." Evie muttered under her breath.

"Oh, does it have a meddling girlfriend who over complicates everything? Because that would be familiar!" Spencer sassily retorted, raising his eyebrows while looking down at the papers on his desk. Evie kept her furious eyes down as well, avoiding eye contact with Spencer. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Garcia look between them with a gaze of confusion. She felt bad for freaking her out so suddenly, but her anger at Spencer was blinding her from any other thoughts.

"Um... Okay. Well this will probably be good for you guys if we go..." she began to say hesitantly, like she was afraid what would happen.

"Do you know what else is good for you?" Evie began saying, a sarcastic tone in her voice. This time she looked straight at Spencer, pressing her lips in a tight line.

"Oh no..." Garcia mumbled.

"Letting people in and not holding everything in and shutting people out." she said, tilting her head to give him a cocky-angry face. Spencer froze and raised his eyes to meet her. If it was possible to have fire in his eyes, Evie would've seen it right there. His jaw clenched and he just stared back at her, infuriated.

"...Ohhhhhh kayyyyyyy..." Garcia said, trying to lighten the mood. "Hey, Evie? Will you help me fix the coffee machine? Damn thing is acting up again..." she said, turning Evie's hard gaze up to her. Upon seeing Garcia's bubbly appearance, Evie's eyes softened. She was giving her the hinting eye, telling her the coffee machine wasn't broken at all. This was definitely to talk about what was going on between them.

"Fine, go talk behind my back more. Heaven knows you're great at that." Spencer muttered so only Evie could hear.

"Save it. Don't worry, I won't hurry back." she murmured back, standing up angrily and storming past Garcia and up the stairs of the bullpen, wanting to get away from Spencer's nasty demeanor as quickly as she could. She heard Garcia's heels frantically clicking behind her, hurrying to catch up.

The whole way to the kitchenette, her mind was racing. How could he act like this? She didn't do anything wrong! She'd hit the wrong nerve the other night. Evie wasn't sure what else to do, though. She couldn't keep letting him go on like he was. He was suffering, and Evie was suffering just watching him.

"What on Earth is going on?" Garcia asked as soon as they entered the kitchenette. Evie cringed, seeing that Hotch was standing right there over the coffee machine, filling up his cup. He glanced back through eyebrows pulled together.

"Something I should know about?" he asked, turning back to top off his mug. Garcia's mouth formed into a surprised 'O', realizing that she'd just blurted it out without knowing Hotch was right there.

"I... Uh, just girl stuff, Sir." Garcia stuttered. Evie couldn't help but smile slightly. Pen was never too good at covering up stuff.

"Uh-huh. In that case..." Hotch said, taking his mug and nodding them both a goodbye before leaving them alone. Garcia watched him go before turning back to Evie, her blonde hair falling across her shoulders as she tilted her head and looked at Evie sympathetically.

"What's going on?" she asked again. Evie took a deep breath and let everything sink in. Suddenly, she had the intense urge to burst into tears. Her throat was tightening and her heart was beating fast. Garcia must've sensed it, because she stepped forward and wrapped Evie in her arms.

"Hey, hey... it'll be okay." she said. Evie wrapped her arms around her as well, taking a deep breath and smelling the strong smell of Garcia's sweet perfume. She took one more deep breath before pulling back and telling her everything.

"Spence..." Reid heard JJ's voice from behind him. He was standing in the round table room, quickly skimming through files to try to find the right ones that Hotch said another section of the Bureau needed. It was almost time to go home at this point, and the entire day was tense. It was filled with subtle smart ass comments and glares. Honestly, he didn't know how things had gotten this way so quickly. Before he knew it, they were screaming at each other the other night. Spencer felt pangs of guilt when he'd see her hurt sometimes, but something within him was fueling such an intense anger. He wasn't shutting people out, he just didn't need help. Reid was sick of being treated like a baby. Why couldn't she accept that?

"Hmm..." he muttered, not looking up. He felt JJ's presence arrive beside him, a flash of blonde hair visual out of the corner of his eye.

"What happened with you and Evie?" she asked. It was soothingly, not accusingly. He never expected anything less from JJ. Somehow, he found himself wishing it was Evie.

"I- uh... Last night she was trying to force answers out of me. I kind of need to figure some stuff out alone." he said. Once he said it, he began to see that it sounded a little bit like he was shutting people out. That's not what he wanted though. He just wanted to be able to do something for himself for once.

JJ was quiet, driving Spencer insane. She was giving him that same motherly concerned gaze that he often got, but he refused to look up.

"Spencer..."

"I need to go." he said, setting the files down and rushing out the room before JJ could say anything else.

The rest of the day, Evie and Spencer had just ignored each other. Spencer was fine with this. He needed room to breathe and think. Once the clock was showing it was time to leave however, things took a turn for the worse.

"Heyyyyy, Pretty Boy and Pretty Girl." Morgan rumbled, coming up between the large space between where Evie and Spencer stood apart, waiting for the elevator. Spencer closed his eyes and took a frustrated breath. Morgan didn't know they were fighting. He really hoped he wouldn't...

"So, did Penelope talk to you?" he asked, putting an arm around Spencer's shoulder and putting the other around Evie's, yanking them in close together in a group hug of sorts. The skin of Evie's arm brushed up against Spencer's. He was struck with how much he wanted just to hold her and kiss her all over. The sudden realization made him jerk away without him realizing it, but Evie hadn't taken it the way he'd meant it.

"So now you can't even touch me?" she murmured. Her voice was primarily angry, but there was a twinge of hurt inside. Spencer frowned and looked past Morgan to where she was looking at the floor.

"No, no. Stop making conclusions."

_ Oh man..._ he thought. That'd come out a lot meaner than he had meant it to.

"It's not too hard."

"Oh, so now you're a professional profiler?"

"Wow. You're really-"

"OH KAY!" Morgan interrupted their bickering, looking between he two with utter bafflement. Spencer couldn't blame him. He was surprised too.

At this point, the entire BAU's attention was turned to them as Morgan's voice had boomed through the room. There was still murmurs of a few behind them, but others went silent. Spencer glanced over his shoulders to see Hotch, JJ, and Rossi standing by the railing, looking over at them with concern.

"Just forget it. I'll walk home." Evie muttered, wiggling out of Morgan's grasp.

"Are you kidding me? Don't be so stubborn." Spencer said before he could help himself. What was she thinking though? It was freezing! He may have been furious with her, but he wasn't going to let her walk in the cold.

"Oh so now you care all of the sudden?" she said, voice growing, turning to looked at him through furrowed eyebrows.

"Why did you think I didn't?"

"Oh, I don't know! Maybe somewhere between calling me your meddling girlfriend or telling me to leave you alone!" Evie said in rushed words. She was almost shouting now, her face getting a red tint to it as she ranted. "Or- or- or maybe when you left me to go sleep on the couch!" she said. Spencer closed his eyes and groaned in frustration. Great. Now the entire BAU knew about them.

"I'm not doing this now." he said as the elevator dinged open. Spencer rolled his eyes and began to make his way in as Evie did. She watched him and stopped suddenly however. Reid sighed. What was it now?

"I'll take the stairs." she said under her breath. Spencer put an arm in front of the elevator door to stop it from closing.

"No, I will."

"No, I will."

"No, I will."

"Dear god..." Morgan said, annoyed. He took them both by the wrist and dragged them into the elevator, pressing the close button before either could get out. If they couldn't even stand an elevator ride together, it was going to be a long drive home.

**Happy Criminal Minds Wednesday! Sorry this took so long. **


	9. Destroyed

**"Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel."** **~King Solomon**

Three days. It'd been three days since Spencer and Evie had even gotten a word out that hasn't been screaming. The past few days had mostly been silent, neither one wanting to apologize and neither of them wanting to start another fight. Every time someone said something, a rude remark would be made back and soon enough they'd be yapping at each other like noisy dogs. It was killing everyone on the team, and to be honest, it was killing Spencer. He started to realize as time went on, that it was in fact him that had started this. On the third day he was beginning to feel regrets for snapping at Evie and making her feel awful for doing what any caring girlfriend would be expected to do. He just needed to find the right time to say that.

It was almost time to leave work. They'd thankfully not had any cases lately. It was almost too convenient. Evie and Spencer would've been snapping at each other the entire time anyway.

Speaking of Evie, she was sitting at her desk across the aisle from Spencer, he head down and hair spilling over the side of her face closest to Reid to shield herself from him. Honestly, he didn't know why she hadn't left him yet.

Spencer cleared his throat, glancing over at her to see if she'd look; nothing. She kept her head down, her hand scribbling her pen across mounds of paperwork on her desk. Spencer sighed and leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms out behind him. He couldn't believe he let it get this way.

"Have a nice night, guys." Rossi's voice came from above the bullpen as he stepped out of his office. Spencer spun around to see him giving a nod goodbye to his teammates, and begin to make his way to the elevator. There were murmurs of goodbyes around them, but Spencer and Evie were silent.

Turning the other way, Spencer looked at the clock to see that it was indeed time to leave. He glanced back over at Evie for a moment to see her cleaning up her things and slinging her purse over her shoulder with record timing. She always did everything so could to get as far away from Spence as fast as possible.

Reid jumped up as she began to stand, wanting to get his apology out before he changed his mind.

"Wait, Evie..." he said before she could start walking away. Unfortunately, she did anyway, leaving Spencer behind with a dumbfounded look on his face.

Okay... he thought. She definitely had heard me...

"Evie!" he called after her, slinging his satchel over his shoulder and running after her, falling in step right behind her within seconds. She kept walking as if she didn't hear him, her brown-red curls gleaming while they swayed and bounced along her shoulders and back.

"Evs..?" he said, more questionably with a begging manner now. Still, there was no answer. They had reached the elevator at this point. Spencer sighed. At least she'd be trapped there and he could get everything out.

His plans were once again foiled however, when Evie didn't stop by the elevator doors where Rossi was still waiting for a ride down. She passed him quickly and quietly and pushed the door open to the stairwell that no one really used. Reid stopped and let his arms fall to his side in disappointment. He had tried to apologize and she'd just completely ignored him. Something in him made Spencer want to be angry about it, but mostly, he was just upset.

"Every relationship has it's difficulties." Rossi said, watching the elevator doors as if they would open any second. Spencer nodded and watched the doors as well, but his mind was elsewhere. Rossi was right. Every relationship had it's difficulties. Spencer just wondered if this was the one that he'd lose his Evie to.

Evie woke to an annoying ringing sound that wouldn't go off. It felt much too early for her alarm, and besides, she didn't wake up to her alarm beeping, she used the radio.

Opening her eyes, Evie noticed that she was once again alone. The other half of the bed was left unoccupied as it had been the last four nights. It had been lonely, she had to admit, but if Spencer was going to act that way then so be it. She couldn't hide the overwhelming desire to just fall asleep in his arms again, though. The only thing that let her put up with it each night was the fact that she knew Spencer and her were bigger than this. Evie had full confidence that the mood between them would eventually lighten up and she'd be back in his arms again. They just hit a bump in the road. It was a nasty bump, but only a bump nonetheless.

"Ughh..." Evie grunted, turning on her side to see her phone lighting up with a picture of JJ's smiling contact photo. Evie rubbed her eyes before snapping herself out of her lazy and tired mode, reaching over quickly to slide her phone open to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Evie. We have a case. You guys need to come in. I tried Spencer, but he wouldn't answer." JJ said, as if she was hesitant in even saying the word "Spencer."

"Alright, I'll go tell him. We'll be right there. Thanks, JJ." Evie grumbled tiredly before hanging up and dropping her phone with a small thud on the bed. She stretched out onto her back, looking up at the ceiling and taking a deep breath to relax herself and think for a bit. Maybe that's what they needed; a case. Saving other people's lives may bring them together. If that didn't, she wasn't sure what would work better than that.

The other day while leaving work, he'd tried to talk to her. At the time, she was completely taken off guard. At first she thought he was just mumbling another snide remark, but he seemed genuinely concerned. Evie wasn't exactly in the mood after fighting all day to talk though. She'd completely ignored him purposefully, but once she had gotten home she felt bad. Deciding to sleep on it, she'd went to bed pretty early last night, and it actually did wonders. Evie felt like she could finally clear her mind of all the fighting and see straight again. Hopefully Spencer would still be wanting to talk.

With Spencer in mind, she heard something from outside the door. It sounded like Spencer mumbling in his sleep softly, but it became louder and louder and more frantic. Evie pushed herself up and rubbed her eyes again, ridding of the tiredness that still resided. She stood on the soft carpet and made her way through the doorway and out into the living room.

She wasn't surprised anymore when she saw Spencer tangled in the blankets secured over him, thrashing around. He was borderline screaming now, looking terrified as ever. All anger forgotten, Evelyn rushed forward to drop on her knees beside the couch. She put a gentle hand on the side of his face and ran her thumb along his cheek bone.

"Spenceeeer..." she cooed, trying to coax him out of yet another night terror. He didn't wake up at first as usual, but within a few seconds, he jerked awake so fast that it startled Evie and she yanked her hand back. Reid was gripping the sheets around him incredibly tight, as though it was a lifeline. His eyes were wide and his face was pale. Evie wished it wasn't a normal thing for him to wake up to.

"Are you-"

"Yeah." he interrupted. Evie nearly screamed in that moment. She thought just for a second, that he had smartened up.

"Yeah, what."

"Yeah, what?"

"God, Spencer." she said, annoyed. She stood up and ran her hands through her hair in frustration while making her way to the bedroom. She left Spencer on the couch, trying to act as if nothing had happened for what seemed like the billionth time in the past couple of months.

The morning was silent. They got dressed, ready, and filled with breakfast pretty quickly since they had a case. Only about fifteen minutes had elapsed before they were both standing in the kitchen, awkwardly taking a few last sips of coffee on complete ends of the kitchen. Watching Spence, Evie felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness. She missed him. She missed him so much, and he was standing just ten feet away from her. She missed his smile, the way he got nuzzly, the way he used to look at her, listening to his heartbeat... she missed everything. Evie felt her heart drop down further and further however, while realizing he didn't. She had thought they'd get through this, but now, watching him not care at all about her being but ten feet away and completely in love with him, she felt like this may have been it. She wasn't enough for him.

"So..." she broke the silence, realizing it probably couldn't get much worse anyway.

"What."

"I don't know."

"Okay."

Evie huffed a breath of air, making the hair over her face blow away to the side. Spencer kept his eyes down at his coffee cup, extremely stubborn.

"Spencer, what do you want?" she asked, trying to seem as calm as possible.

"What do you mean?" he grumbled, tapping his fingers anxiously on the glass of the mug. Evie bit her lip and looked down at her feet.

"Well you don't seem to care anymore, so..."

"Why do you always make assumptions for me?" he asked, looking up to meet her eyes finally. Evie rolled her eyes.

"What are you talking about. I don't do that."

"You so do."

"I so do not!"

"You have no factual proof!"

"Why do you always have to be so technical!"

"Men are only as good as their technical development allows them to be. George Orwell."

"Spencer, I don't care what George Orwell says."

"Well now who looks like the one not caring!" he snapped, slamming his mug down on the counter so hard that Evie was afraid it'd break. She jumped at the loud clank it made and watched as Spencer rushed to the other side of the room to snatch up his jacket off the chair.

"So what, you're just going to leave me like everyone else in my life?" Evie said. It had started out angry, but she choked a bit at the end. The same annoying lump in her throat was starting to creep up on her again. Nothing prepared her for what Spencer said next, however.

"Maybe I will."

Evie's heart stopped in that moment. She felt her chest tighten to the point where she couldn't breathe, and tears jumped to her eyes. She suddenly felt sick to her stomach. She felt so nauseous that she could pass out right there. Her body shook, her stomach tightened, and she stood their completely frozen while Spencer rushed out the door, slamming it shut with a bang!

Evie stood there for what felt like forever. Her vision blurred but she begged the tears not to fall. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't even believe this was happening. It wasn't quite a break up, but almost like the promise of one. Or maybe he hadn't meant it. Maybe he was just angry in the moment.

On the other hand, maybe this was a breakup. Maybe she wasn't good enough anymore. She'd never been good enough for anyone else, why would she be for him? Evie's mind raced with billions of possibilities. Her heart pounded so loud, she could barely hear herself think. Memories involuntarily flooded through her vision. Memories of his smile, of his lips on her own, of the feel of her hands in his hair, the sound of his laugh in her ear, the feel of his body on top of hers, the smell of him, the way he always put her happiness first. Everything rushed back to her, concluding on one final thought; never again.

Never again would that smile be for her. Never again would she be able to cuddle up into his chest and listen to the beating pound of his heart or smell the scent of his hair or his neck or his clothes. Never again would she be his.

Evie fell to her knees, sitting back on her heels and letting herself be consumed in quiet sobs. She didn't care about the tears that spilled over her face now. She didn't care that her eyes would be red at work, or her make-up washed away. She was losing the one thing she'd never thought she'd lose.

Somewhere between five or ten minutes later of just trying to stop crying, Evie pulled herself out of hysteria. She took a deep shaking breath and regained herself, trying to think straight from her crowded thoughts. This was Spencer. He couldn't leave her, he wouldn't. He'd said maybe. That was just some quick retort. It had to be, she had to believe it. If he didn't want her anymore, he would've said so four days ago.

Wiping one last tear from her face from the tissues in her purse, Evie stood and staggered towards the door, her legs tingly from falling asleep. Her eyes were red, her makeup was nearly altogether gone, and she could barely speak from the tightness that still remained in her throat. However, Evie wouldn't let it hurt her now. She was going to get to work, focus on this case, and when the time was provided, she was going to figure this out with Spencer once and for all.

What the hell had he just done? Spencer's hands were violently shaking as he pulled out of the parking lot of his complex. Had he just told Evie he'd leave her? Never in a million years would he ever have meant that. He hadn't even realized the gravity of what he had said until right now as he was pulling onto the busy road outside of their apartment building. He just needed to calm down. This had gone on long enough. His shutting out of people never resulted in anything good.

As he got out onto the busy street, Spencer contemplated going back. The only thing that held him back from that was the thought that Evie probably was already in her own car, not far behind him. He'd have to patch things up at work, and this time for real.

When Spencer arrived at the BAU, he got some weird looks from the team. It was most likely because Evie wasn't with him like she usually was. He always drove her to work. It just made sense that way. Now however, he walked to the round table room alone, anxious for her to arrive. He wanted to fix this and he wanted to fix it now. He loved her with everything he had in him. There was no way he'd ever let her go until the day she didn't want him.

Everyone gathered in the room, taking their seats. The space between the four walls around them was filled with low chatter throughout the team, everyone but Spencer. He was watching the door for when Evie arrived. She was the last one yet to come

"Hey, Pretty Boy. Is she on her way?" Morgan called from the other side of the table. Spencer glanced over at him for a moment before returning his eyes to the door and shrugging. He felt his team's eyes on the back of his head, but he didn't dare turn around. He knew him and Evie fighting was tearing apart their whole group and everyone was worried. He'd never meant anything to get this far. He just wanted his baby back.

"Well, um..." Garcia started saying. "I'm sure she'll be here in a mo." she finished, turning everyone's attention to where she stood up by the monitor. Spencer took one last look at the door, hoping to see her, but eventually turned away, disappointed.

"Alright, so you all are taking a full-paid round trip to Boston, Massachusetts. Unfortunately, it isn't under too great of circumstances." Penelope started off with, flipping the screen on to reveal three mutilated bodies in the middle of what seemed to be a dirty alleyway. There was poor attempt to cover them up, only a few torn sheets that looked as if they could've originated in the very dumpsters in the background of the photos.

"This unsub clearly shows no remorse for the victim's. He's confident. His lack of effort in hiding the bodies is apparent." Derek started out by saying. The team nodded in agreement, and Garcia soon cut in.

"Oh, that's not all, chocolate pudding." she said, making a few in the room roll their eyes and chuckle. Garcia clicked more pictures up on the screen. Two more bodies behind a brick building, another under a bridge, and two found in their homes, slashed to death. Spencer instinctively reached over to the seat next to him under the table, only to find it was empty. Usually he'd hold Evie's hand when the pictures got gruesome, which was every case. Now that she wasn't there, they seemed even worse.

"And notice the signs on their left wrists." Garcia carried on to say. She flipped back through the pictures and zoomed in on the victims' wrists where it seemed there was a symbol branded into the flesh.

"Dave..." Hotch muttered from his seat.

"Yeah... I know." Rossi said from his seat next to Spencer. The rest of the team looked at them in confusion, waiting for an explanation on an understanding that it seemed only they understood.

"One of the first cases I was on in the BAU was dealing with a gang in Boston that had a higher body count than any other known gang in the US. We had profiled that they had over twenty unsubs in their intermediate gang in Boston and over a hundred in their connected operation throughout the US. They like to believe they are the new age "Union" against the government and 'oppression' of America. They call themselves the "New Authority" and are a borderline terrorist group." Hotch began to explain.

As soon as he did, the door behind them opened and Evie walked in. Spencer turned and saw her rush into the room and immediately take the empty seat next to him. She kept her face hidden from him like usual though, so he could only see her brown-red curls as they brushed against the fabric of her blouse on her shoulder. Spencer bit his lip and watched her for a bit, aware that a few other's were staring for a bit as well. He wondered why they looked so sad...

"Um... anyway... We'd put a stop to their operations by taking out their leader and disbanding many of the smaller divisions... or so we thought, I guess." Hotch said, running his hand through his hair with what looked like exhaustion already from this case.

"Well... here we go again." Rossi muttered, pushing back in his chair away from the table.

"Wheel's up in twenty." Hotch said, taking a handful of files and walking out.

"He looks more stressed than usual." JJ observed. Spencer wasn't listening to much what the other's were saying however. He was focused on the way Evie was deliberately trying to hide from him. She turned away as much as she could and kept her hair over her face as best she could. He wondered...

"Hey, kid." Morgan said, snapping Spencer out of his thoughts. Reid looked over at him with questioning eyes. "You ready?" he asked him, a concerned look on his face. Spencer nodded and stood from his seat, planning on catching Evie on the way out of the room. Apparently now, however, as she stood up and nearly bolted out the door, avoiding him at all costs. Spencer watched her go, his heart falling a bit.

"She hates me." he muttered, reaching down to pull the strap of his satchel over his shoulder.

"Don't say that..." Garcia said as they all began to walk out of the room.

"It's true, and who can blame her." Spencer argued, not leaving room for much argument back as he bolted out the room the same way Evie did. If he couldn't fix his mess, he didn't know what he'd do.

Later on the plane, they went over the case a bit more. It didn't look like an easy one to conquer, but if Hotch and Rossi did it once, Spencer supposed their team now should be pretty effecient. He wasn't so sure about his performance as a person however. He couldn't concentrate at all once he'd caught a glimpse of Evie's face; her eyes were red. She'd been crying, and it was his fault. It might as well have torn his heart apart seeing her like that and knowing it was him who'd done it. He promised himself he'd never hurt her. He promised her that he'd never hurt her. He'd failed.

In the newly formed silence of the jet, Spencer took the time to glance over the seats to look at Evie who sat alone by the window, looking out and shielding her face from everyone. Reid bit his lip and wished he could take it all back. He didn't even deserve her.

Standing up, he knew he was going to fix this. He was going to fix this, and he was going to fix this now. Making his way down the aisle, Spencer thought of what he was going to say. Somewhere in between "I'm so sorry I'll do anything for you forever and ever" and "I'm a complete dick and am so lucky to even be sitting next to you" didn't even nearly sum up what guilt Spencer was consumed with right now.

Right before he was about to reach the seat across from Evie, the monitor on the plane switched on.

"Hello, my fellow crime fighters. Unfortunately in the mere time between the last time I saw you and now, there's been another victim. These people aren't too meticulous with their body counts." Garcia's voice projected throughout the jet. Spencer sighed and plopped down in a seat further away than Evie than he'd have like to listen to Garcia and the team talk a bit more about the case and how they'd split up.

"Alright... JJ, you and Evie go talk to the victim's families or friends they have left. Garcia sent you a list, start from the top and work your way down." Hotch began saying. Spencer felt himself washed over with disappointment. He was really hoping he'd be put with Evie to talk to her, but he had to remember that Hotch warned them to not let their relationship interfere with work. Unfortunately, it was a little late for that.

"Morgan, you and I will go to the crime scenes and Reid and Dave, go to the BPD to dig up the past files for this case and see if you can find anything of interest." Hotch said. Everyone nodded in agreement. This was going to be a long case.

The entire way there, Spencer didn't get one chance to talk to Evie. Everyone would always ask him, "Spencer, what do you remember from the last case reports?" or "Spencer, what are the statistics for gangs in the Boston area?". He knew that saving lives came first, but the way her eyes still watered... it was killing him from the inside out.

After watching Evie the entire plane right and subconsciously answering everyone's questions, they touched down in Boston. It wasn't long before everyone went their separate ways, leaving Rossi and Spencer alone in a room full of boxes of files at the Boston Police Department. The room was silent for the longest time, too. Spencer read through the files at lightning speed, refreshing his memory on the case (as if he needed to).

"So um..." Rossi spoke up in the deafening silence. "Evie looked upset."

That was all it took for Spencer to slam down the files in his hand on the table in frustration. It was filled with anger in himself, in this situation, in his ignorance, and partially in the fact that the files weren't really getting him anywhere.

"I know, I know..." Spencer muttered through a frustrated groan, letting his face fall into his hands propped up by his elbows on the table. He took a deep breath and rubbed his hands over his face, wanting this nightmare to be over. "It was my fault. I've been trying to talk to her this whole time, and I can't think straight, and I know I promised Hotch I'd never let it interfere..." Spencer rambled on about everything that was bothering him like Rossi's statement was some kind of long awaited trigger.

"Reid, Reid..." Rossi stopped him. Spencer looked up at Rossi with hopeless eyes. He didn't know what to do. He screwed up, bad. "First of all, I'm the one who made up the 'no-relationship' rule, and if I do say so myself, you and Evelyn do a pretty good job of keeping it professional and focused on the cases." Rossi started off by saying. "But, kid... you're not going to go anywhere if you just watch her like a lost puppy." Rossi said, making Spencer sigh.

"I know, I know. I'll talk to her after the case and get this straightened out hopefully." Spencer groaned, burying his face in his hands again. "Maybe buy her flowers... or chocolate... or a yacht." he said, making Rossi chuckle.

"Well hey, don't take advice from me. I'm not exactly an expert on the whole relationship stuff." Rossi said, making Spencer smile while thinking about the running joke with the team about Rossi being married three times.

"Thank you, Rossi." Spencer said, smiling a bit in what seemed like forever. Rossi winked and nodded, turning his gaze downwards once again to the old case files. Spencer did the same, a little more at peace now that he knew what he had to do. He had to go to Evie after the case was over, and tell her how much he was sorry and how much she meant to him. He was excited to finally potentially be back in her arms again. He missed her cute little waist and the smell of her hair and the sound of her laugh. He wouldn't have ever guessed however, that he would never see or feel, or smell, or hear any of those things again.

Hours later into the case, they were finally getting somewhere. The new leader of the gang was profiled at the Police Department, and they already had a few leads. He was cunning and almost a performer; he could easily persuade people and grab follower's attention and rally them up for any cause. Spencer had described him as a modern day "Mussolini" in the profile. If this man was anything like Mussolini, it wasn't going to be an easy triumph against him.

"You know, it looks like these symbols were made with just a classic branding iron." Spencer told Rossi while giving the body of one of the victims a closer look. They were both at the morgue to examine the bodies and get the reports back.

"That's exactly what we've concluded." The medical examiner said from behind Spencer as he knelt down to get a closer look at the burned, charred flesh that formed a unique symbol, authentically the symbol used by the gang years and years ago.

"Have Garcia see what kind of businesses are able to create customized branding irons around here." Spencer said, seeing Rossi pull out his phone out of the corner of his eye. While Rossi was talking to Garica, Spencer took some more time closely investigating the body of the man that was the unfortunate third victim. They'd found that all victims were either people who knew too much, were enemies of the New Authority, or just someone who got in the way.

"She's checking records now for the specific mark." Rossi said, hanging up his phone and stuffing it back into his pocket. Spencer nodded and straightened, cringing at the pain in his back from bending over for so long to examine the evidence left on the cadavers.

Already, Rossi's phone started ringing. Spencer raised his eyebrows. That was fast for finding a connection as vague as this, even for Garcia. Rossi frowned down at the phone, and Spencer was quickly able to profile that it wasn't Garcia at all.

"Hotch, what do you need?" Rossi answered with, his brows furrowed. Spencer tried to detect his facial expressions and body language. A feeling in his gut told him that something was off. If he listened closely, Spencer could hear yelling in the background of Rossi's phone conversation with Hotch mixed with... were those gunshots?

"We'll be right over." Rossi said after less than half a minute. He slid his phone off and put it back once more, looking over at Spencer with a troubled gaze, already starting to move out the door.

"Get in the car and get your vest on. There's a shootout." Rossi said, fast walking into nearly a run to the parking lot of the morgue. Spencer followed behind, matching Dave's pace as they pushed past the glass doors of the building and into the cold air of the hustle and bustle of Boston's streets.

Their FBI SUV was one of the only cars there at the time, making it easy for Rossi to peel out of the parking lot and swerve into traffic, flipping on the lights and sirens.

"Is everyone okay?" Spencer asked hurriedly, reaching back to take his bulletproof vest off of the chair behind him and struggling to put it on under his seat belt that was nearly choking him on the sharp turns Rossi was making.

"So far. It's pretty bad. They have a big group of the gang cornered in one of their operational buildings in the alley between Public Alley 416 and Beacon Street." Rossi said, his attention barely in his words and mostly on the road as he swerved and maneuvered past car after car. Spencer was fine with that.

"Is... Is JJ there?" he asked, trying not to make it seem to obvious that he really just wanted to know about Evie.

"As far as I'm concerned, yes Evelyn is there." Rossi said, already knowing what Spencer meant. Not to say Spencer didn't worry about JJ. He always has been as protective of JJ as she is with him, but Evie had barely done much field work yet and she was his girlfriend. He wouldn't know what he'd do if he lost her. Spencer always would get nervous when she goes out into the field. He knew this wasn't a worry that just would go away eventually. He'd never truly feel comfortable with the idea.

"Almost there..." Rossi muttered, more to himself than Reid. Sure enough, they reached the alleyway by Beacon Street where it was apparent that there was commotion and chaos. Police cars flooded the streets all around the alley, and two FBI SUVs stood in different places among them, their lights still flashing with no one inside.

Spencer tightened the last strap on his vest and hurried to throw the door open, hopping out as fast as possible. He immediately knew this wasn't just a couple of unsubs when he heard how many shots were being fired in the air. It was deafening; the only thing he could hear. Somewhere among the shots, there were shouts of orders being given or maybe cries of agony... Spencer couldn't quite tell the difference in the ruckus.

"Reid, be careful." Rossi yelled over the harsh sounds splitting through the air. Spencer nodded and took his gun from his belt, holding it out in front of him and rounding the corner of the only building left standing in his way of seeing the sight of the shoot out. As soon as he saw it, Spencer wanted to grab Evie wherever she was, and shrink right back behind that building again. From inside the alley, there were gunman both behind trashy cars, from inside doorways, and even on second floor windows of the buildings surrounding them. Officers mixed with their agents were sheltered behind police vehicles lined up in the center of the street to divide them from the gang. Spencer saw Hotch, Morgan, JJ, and obviously Rossi was behind him. Where was Evie?

Spencer told himself not to think and just move in to help. He approached the closest cop car where Hotch and a few officers were crouched behind. It wasn't much of a cop car anymore though. The windows were all shattered, glass crunching under Spencer's feet as he approached. The far doors of the vehicle were blasted through with numerous holes the size of bullets. The seats were torn through just from the impact of the shots, and one of the tires was blown out, probably the cause of a bullet as well.

"Where's Evie?" Spencer didn't take time in asking Hotch as he positioned his gun to start shooting at the men dressed in black at the other side of the alley.

"Over to the right. She was able to get a bit closer up. JJ's keeping an eye on her." Hotch said. Sure enough, as Spencer glanced to the right, he saw Evie crouched behind the closest cop car to the gang there. It drove knives of nerves into his chest, but there was nothing he could do at the moment but try to find a good window to run across to the next closest car and just car hop from there until he reached her side to protect her.

"Down! Down!" Hotch yelled so loud, his voice cracked a bit at the end of the last syllable. Spencer felt his hand on his shoulder yank him down lower behind the car as the blaring noise of a machine gun boomed through he air, jolting the car in front of them.

"Where did they get all of this equipment?" Spencer asked loudly over the clanks of the bullets hitting the car. Hotch looked up at him and shrugged, keeping a hand on Spencer's shoulder as if he was afraid he'd jump up any second. Spencer stayed down though, and as soon as the machine gun firing stopped, he took his window.

Reid jumped up into what was still a crouch and ran over to the car JJ was stationed behind. Her gun was raised just above the hood of the car to get a good shot of some of the people out front. The setting sunlight reflected off of her blonde hair and reminded Spencer that if this carried on until it was fully dark, it'd get a lot harder than even this.

"How's Evie?" Spencer asked. "And you, are you okay?" he continued to question JJ loudly.

"What?" she yelled back. Spencer was barely able to hear even that. He waved the air, telling her to let it go and never mind. They shot along side each other for a while as Spencer continued to take consistent glances over at Evie on their right. She was stationed wayyyyyy too close for Spencer's liking, looking more vulnerable than ever. I've got to get to her... he kept thinking.

When Spencer heard some of the shots die down a bit, and once he observed a few men being taken out on the other side to thin out the risk, he ran around JJ's car, out into the open for what he hoped would be a mere second or less. His timing was risky though, and it was hard to see any risks through he smoke and dust kicked up from the constant rain of bullets.

In that moment, Spencer couldn't even keep the deafening shots straight; which ones were firing towards him and which ones were firing away. It made no difference at one point. Suddenly his whole world was being turned upside down; spun inside and out. It all happened in less than a second, but it all took effect in what seemed like slow motion.

Spencer had thought he'd marked where all of the unsubs stood on the other side of the street, but as he tried to make his way over to Evie, he realized he'd missed one. A man wearing a black turtle neck and black winter hat emerged from the dust. The first thing he saw in the midst of the cross fire was the barrel of the gun across the street, pointed right at him. There was no place to run or hide. There was no time either. He could only stand there as the black gun directed it's fatal bullet's path towards his chest.

The second thing he saw was only a flash of color at first. It was a person in his peripheral vision. He knew it wasn't Hotch, or Morgan, or JJ, or Rossi. They were all shooting from different spots behind him. Spencer's heart lurched as his eyes flickered to her for the fraction of the second he had. At the last possible point, she ran in front of him.

He didn't have time to yell out in protest. He didn't have time to even move his pinkie finger. In slowed time he watched in horror as the gun released, and almost at the same moment he watched her fall in front of him, the bullet burying deep into her abdomen. Spencer could hear someone cry out, and not until later would he realize it was his own horrified scream.

His one truest love hit the pavement, below the chaos of the shootout that carried on without her. Her gorgeous hair... her hair that always smelled of his favorite Eucalyptus and Rain. Her beautiful delicate body... her body that he spent so much time cuddling and kissing; it stilled. Her eyes... the ones that had caused him to fall in love with her in the first place, flickered with a glimpse of sparkling life one last time before they went empty and blank. His heart felt as if it was brutally ripped from his chest as he realized his worst nightmare had come true. Evie was dead.


	10. What Dies Inside

** "Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."** **~Norman Cousins**

The first instinct Spencer had was to get to her at all costs. She couldn't be dead, she couldn't be dead, she couldn't be dead... The words kept replaying in his mind like it was something foreign; dead. Spencer couldn't bring himself to believe it.

So many things were going on so fast in the course of less than a second. The orange glows of the last rays of light for the day, illuminated the alley and all the surfaces around them, making everything seem so much more surreal. The constant firing of bullets continued around Spencer, but he hardly minded at the moment. Smoke was thick in the air, mixed with dust kicked up from the ground below their feet. Along with shots being fired, yells and shouts echoed through the air and off the faces of Boston buildings around the shootout. Spencer couldn't tell which sounds were coming from where or who. He could distinguish the shriek of JJ as soon as Evie had hit the pavement, but after that he lost track. The noise seemed to almost be decreasing to become quieter and quieter as if he was swimming underwater and everything was moving in slow motion.

His eyes still on the lifeless form of Evie's body, Spencer willed his legs to move, lunging himself towards where she laid. He didn't even feel like himself. He felt like he was watching himself move from outside of his body. Everything seemed so incredibly unreal.

Before he could even get further than a step, he hit something solid in front of him. Still completely flustered, Spencer didn't even have time to think what it was. The only thing he knew was that it was holding him back from getting to Evie who was NOT dead, she couldn't be dead.

"Reid! Reid, stop!" Morgan's deep voice boomed from beside him, almost directly in his ear. Reid realized even in his frantic state, that the thing holding him back was Morgan's strong arm, his muscles bulging with the force he was using to restrain Spencer at all costs. He didn't care if he was running straight into a cross fire. He needed to get to her.

"Reid, listen to me! There's nothing else you can do!" Morgan roared above the chaos of the scene. Spencer persisted in trying everything he could to shove Morgan away and free himself from his grasp. He knew he probably looked insane fighting Morgan's grasp like he was mental, but at the time he didn't care one bit.

She can't be dead. She can't be dead. He continued to repeat in his mind , time and time again. Out of all the noise contributing to the chaos, Spencer's breathing had to be the loudest in his ear. At the time, he didn't even realize that it was fast and choppy, blocking out most other sounds that tore through the air around him. The sharp sound of a bullet whizzing by his ear, missing him by inches didn't even occur to him in that moment. He was panicking to say the least, showing all the signs of an impeding anxiety attack.

Five seconds seemed like forever until Spencer finally broke from his friend's iron grasp, only one thing on his mind. Reid struggled to push himself forward to where her body layed, but out of the corner of his eye, he could see that other's had the same idea. A few of the unsubs were making their way forward with intentions obviously on reaching her first. Spencer didn't know why, but he only wanted to get to her side before them. He even might've, if he was captured once more.

"No!" Spencer protested when his wrist was captured in Morgan's deadly grip. He was yanked backwards further away from her, but his eyes never left the sight of the blood beginning to pool around the beautiful petite figure of what used to be his girlfriend.

"Evie!" he called out, as if it would magically resurrect her. "Evie!"

"You've got to calm down, kid." Morgan said. He kept yelling other things over the ruckus around them, but nothing registered in Spencer's mind but...

She can't be dead. She can't be dead.

His breathing increased and became more labored if it was even possible, while he watched the figures that were now beginning to blur. As Spencer was dragged away, they reached what only looked like a lifeless mass collapsed on the ground from the way his vision was getting hazy. Reid tried to call out to her once more, but it only turned into a strangled form of her name. The sounds of the shootout were fading in his mind, his thoughts getting foggy.

The surreal scene around him carried on as Spencer's vision darkened and anxiety set in further. The guns continued to crack, the shouts continues to roars, and Morgan's voice continued to bark incoherent things in his ear. But before he knew it, everything had gone black.

He traced the curve of her features with his eyes. Her skin looked unbelievably soft from where he stood watching her, completely flawless. In fact, it even seemed to glow, even in the darkness that they were both bathed in. But his favorite part was her eyes, as they always have been. They were gorgeous; an electric glimmering gray.

He wanted to hold on to that image of her forever. Spencer didn't know where he was or what was happening, but he did know that feeling that swelled up inside of him whenever he saw her. He needed Evie. He needed to touch her to make sure she was there and he didn't know why. Spencer felt like if he didn't hold onto her now, she'd slip away from his grasp forever.

His time cut short, darkness faded in once again. He wanted to call out to her, but she faded away. He tried to move, but his feet were planted in place in the abyss around him. The anxiety was building up in his chest as he moved further and further away from her, trying so hard to will her to come back.

At the same time, Spencer was beginning to smell smoke. It wafted somewhere around him lightly at first, but soon it began to infiltrate his airways and burn his lungs. What was that?

Spencer forced his eyes open to unfamiliar surroundings. His head was spinning and his heart was racing, the constant thumping banging on his chest like his heart was desperately trying to break out. There were flashing lights all around him, and within a few seconds, his eyes were stinging. He instantly concluded that it was the smoke that was heavy in the air around him. His nose and lungs were still burning, and Reid could swear he could hear the crackle of fire somewhere not too far off.

"Hotch, he's waking up." Morgan said in a more serious tone that usual. Spencer tested the muscles in his face and frowned. What had happened? Why had he been asleep in the first place? What was on fire? Where was Evie?

Oh god... he thought. Evie...

Spencer jerked straight up from where he seemed to be lying on a stretcher in an ambulance. Two figures from outside of the vehicle jumped in and grabbed each of his arms, trying to keep Spencer from jumping out of the ambulance. Through the struggle against the hands restraining him, Spencer took in the surroundings outside of the ambulance. Everything rushed back to him. The police cars, the alleyway, the shootout, Evie... Oh god, Evie...

"I need to get to her!" he shouted while trying to yank himself out of the grasp of Hotch and Morgan who he recognized out of the corners of his eyes.

"Reid! Reid, listen to me!" Morgan shouted, strengthening his grip to the point where Spencer cringed from the pain in his arm. Spencer slowed his efforts, but only a little. His breathing was back to its panicked state and his mind was racing with the memory of her dying in front of him. But she wasn't dead. She wasn't dead.

"Reid, the dragged her back into their headquarters in the abandoned tavern." Morgan said, his tone withering at the end, and remorse seeping into his voice.

"What are we doing! We have to get her!"

"Reid, I'm sorry! She was already gone by then." Hotch said sternly from the other side. Spencer shook his head furiously and began to fight against their grips with renewed vigor.

"We don't know that for sure!" he grunted, straining against the force of both of them holding him down.

"Reid..." Morgan said, his voice growing uncharacteristically quite, catching Reid of guard. He froze and looked up into Morgan's dark eyes that had sympathy glimmering in each orb of darkness. Spencer didn't like the sound of it.

"It was a suicide bombing. They bombed themselves once in the tavern. She's gone, man." Derek said, his voice growing strained as he said it. Reid had stopped all attempts to break free at this point. He let Morgan's words sink in. She was gone. She was dead. Evie was dead. The one person he was going to spend every waking moment of the rest of his life with. The one person who his children would resemble so beautifully. The one person who made him feel more than just a bunch of statistics.

"Spencer, lie down or you'll have another panic attack." Hotch ordered, helping Morgan gently push Spencer's shoulders down so he was lying on the stretcher again. Spencer just let them, not even able to move or think. He didn't know what to feel. He was a mix of so many emotions that he didn't know how to handle himself. His body and mind just shut off, and he felt completely numb as he tried to process what had just happened.

"I'm so sorry, kid." Morgan voice whispered from his right side. Spencer just stared blankly up at the bright light on the top of the ambulance. He heard his friends words, but he wasn't quite listening. The only thing he could think of was her.

Time went by, although he wasn't so sure how much. Sounds of people conversing outside and ordering people around emanated from outside. There was the distant sound of a power hose shooting water across the broken remains of what probably was the tavern. Spencer paid no attention to anything going on around him. He continued to look up at the ceiling without emotion, will to move, or will to think. He was aware of Hotch and Morgan eventually reluctantly leaving his side after multiple attempts to get him to speak. Spencer didn't mind if they stayed or went. Nothing mattered to him anymore.

"Spence..." he eventually heard a familiar voice beside him. He flickered his eyes to the right to see JJ and acknowledge her for a moment before returning his gaze upwards. He felt her hand tentatively touch his own that was folded over on his chest. She sniffled from beside him and gently squeezed his hand. She could always comfort him, no matter what. This time, it was an exception. Spencer didn't think anything would comfort him now. He had nothing left. He couldn't even process a thing going on.

"I'm- I'm so sorry." she choked out, her voice wavering. She sniffled again from beside him and he felt her light hand on his shoulder. They both stayed like that for a while, frozen with the world carrying on outside without them.

It seemed like forever, but at the same time no time at all, before JJ shifted her stance. She was talking to someone who approached the back of the ambulance behind them, her words faint and far in Spencer's mind. He felt her eventually squeeze his shoulder lightly.

"Spencer..." she said, but it still sounded like her voice was far away or they were both underwater. He didn't even flinch to show her he'd heard, so she waited a bit and then carried on.

"I'm going to take you home now." she whispered, her fingers lightly brushing away the hair sweeping across the top of his forehead in her motherly-JJ mannerism. Reid wanted to protest. He didn't want to move without her. He didn't want to breathe without her. She was his world. How could she be gone?

"Come on, sweetheart." she whispered, putting a hand on the back of his shoulder and gently helping him sit up. Spencer let her, having no more power to do anything at all. Sitting up allowed him to see the scene outside. The night progressed to the darkest hour. The smoke had decreased in the air and the flames that once flickered down the alley were smothered. The bright flashing lights of the police cruisers, ambulances, and firetrucks were still present, but many had obviously cleared out at this point. Spencer guessed that a lot of time must've passed, but he couldn't guess how much for his life.

"Spencer, please." JJ said with a strangled plea. He realized she was gently tugging him with an arm around his back to support him, trying to pull him off the stretcher. Reid was smart enough to know that no matter how much he wanted to, he could go limp forever. Subconsciously, he let her pull him onto his feet, barely able to keep his stance.

JJ snaked her arms around him, helping him stay upright. She led him out of the ambulance and onto the pavement, guiding him through bustling people doing last minute clean-up. It was getting much colder out, Spencer realizing for the first time that his vest and jacket had been removed when he was blacked out. The cold air bit at his skin through his thin dress shirt, but he didn't even stir. It didn't affect him at all, it wasn't a wake up call, it didn't stir any discomfort. Spencer felt like he was dead from the inside, wishing he was just dead altogether.

Somehow, after what seemed like miles and miles of walking and hours in the car, Spencer ended up on the jet. JJ hadn't let go of him the entire way, whispering things about how sorry she was and how she couldn't believe this was happening to herself all along the way. She was crying the entire way too, always checking to see if Spencer's expression changed, but it never did. He remained blank and emotionless, just wallowing in his thoughts.

"Spencer?" JJ tried to reach him again sometime after take off. Spencer stared out of the window into the dark skies. Everything reminded him of her. She was everywhere and no where all at once. The seat next to him is where she sat on the way to the Phantom case, and he sat on her other side, holding her hand the whole time. She loved to look out into the skies as he was doing now. She loved looking at the stars. She loved nuzzle up into his side...

Spencer felt a lump in his throat rise up to the point where it was painful. Even if he tried, he couldn't get the tears to fall. It was like he was broken. Nothing would work. He was only a hallow shell of a broken being.

JJ seemed to have given up on trying to get him to respond. He had heard the phrase "in shock" thrown around while people talked about him in the last moments between lying in the ambulance and now. He didn't register the idea, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew it was true. He was in shock and he couldn't accept the fact that his baby was gone from his arms forever. He never even got a chance to tell her he loved her...

Reid felt a hand slip into his own. JJ squeezed it lightly and continued to quietly cry beside him the entire way back.

Spencer was guided off the plane once they landed. It felt even worse being back in the city where they lived. This was the city where he fell in love with her. This is where she moved in with him, and where they had their first kiss, and where they shared most of their prized moments.

Before JJ could lead Spencer to her car, he got a mix of pats on the back and shoulder squeezes from his friends. They could've punched him in the face and he wouldn't have registered it, so nothing else did either.

The walk to the car was silent. The car ride was silent. Walking up Spencer's apartment complex stairwell was... silent. JJ held onto him tightly as if she was afraid he'd collapse at any second. To be fair, he felt he would. Watching them take the same route him and Evie did every day, from the BAU back to their apartment nearly killed him. He felt like there was an elephant weighing down his chest and he couldn't breathe.

Just seeing the front of the apartment door was even worse. JJ opened the door with her spare key and helped Spencer in. If he had any strength left, he would've refused. He couldn't go in there. He'd only see the ghost of her drawing, her hair spilling over half of her face. Or he'd see her hopping around to the soundtrack of her favorite musicals, or making brownies and turning the kitchen into a disaster, or reading by the natural light filtering in through the window.

Once Spencer got in however, it was even worse. She wasn't there. There was no one drawing. There was no one dancing. There was no one to read or make a mess of their kitchen. There were only remenants of her, like her drawings scattered all over the place, looking meaningless as they sat around without their creator. The flat was quite, her music dead. All of the life seemed to be sucked out. The warmth and friendly died with her, and somehow, all at once everything hit Spencer like a train.

He collapsed before even reaching the living room. JJ tried to catch him and hold him up, but he was too heavy for her. Instead, she dropped her her knees to catch him, her arms wrapped around his body tightly as sobs finally racked his body. Spencer felt as if his heart had exploded. It felt like someone was taking a hot fire stoker and stabbing him in the chest repeatedly, while wringing it out tightly in a knot so that he couldn't breath at the same time.

His breathing was choppy alongside his sobs. He let the tears fall down his face as Jayge enveloped him in an embrace, holding him tightly against her so that he could lie his head on her shoulder. One of her hands rubbed his back and then other pet his hair while holding his head on her shoulder comfortingly. Spencer could feel her body shaking ever so slightly too, and he knew that she was crying as well.

The words that had kept playing through Spencer's mind had come to an end, and suddenly he realized that she was in fact gone. She wasn't coming back. He'd never hold her. He'd never apologize. He'd never tell her he'd love her. If he would've known that the last kiss they had was their last, he would've made it last a lifetime. It wasn't until now that Reid realized he could've done so much more. He'd never be enough for her. Not in life, nor in death.

"She- she can't be gone." Spencer stuttered through his broken up patterns of sobs and labored breathing.

"Shhh..." JJ tried to soothe him, kissing the side of his head that was lying in the crook of her neck. She held him close and seemed like she had no intentions of letting go, so they sat there for a while while Spencer finally allowed himself to accept what had happened, depression and devastation washing over him like a tsunami.

"Spence..." JJ coaxed him out of his deep greiving state. "Why don't you come stay with me for a while." she suggested, her voice quieter than usual, most likely from the crying. Spencer didn't even want to hear what his sounded like, so he just shook his head into her neck. JJ sighed and pushed her fingers through his hair.

"Please, Spence..."

"No." he croaked, his voice soar from the crying. "Please, I'd like to be alone." he whispered. He felt JJ pull away so that she could look into his eyes. Spencer gazed back, seeing in her eyes how she was affected by Evie's death.

"Spe-"

"Please." he begged her. He didn't know why he was begging to stay. He guessed he just wasn't ready to be with other people. He only wanted her.

"Okay." JJ whispered, heart-broken. "I'm calling up to check on you and I'll be here tomorrow." she said, taking a deep breath and regaining herself. She wiped away the tears on her face and squeezed Spence's shoulder.

"Okay." Spencer whispered.

It had taken a while to get JJ out. She was extremely nervous about the idea of leaving Spencer alone in such an alone state, but he had insisted greatly. Finally and eventually, he was left alone in an area full of constant memories that would now haunt him forever.

After standing in the kitchen and looking at the wall for a good twenty minutes, Spencer moved into their bedroom... well... his bedroom now. He could imagine them waking up to each other and falling asleep in each other's arms. This was the place where he first lost his virginity to someone he loved more than life itself.

Collapsing on the bed, Spencer was overwhelmed with memories flooding his mind. He could see her face in his mind so vividly. Throughout the years would he forget it? Everyday, would the image fade more and more? Even an eidetic memory couldn't fight the way time deteriorates memories, even if its gradually day by day.

Spencer turned over with more effort than it should've taken, spotting something out of the corner of his eye. On the dresser across the room, there was a small pile of tissues crumpled up on the wood. They weren't there when he'd left for the case. Remembering her red eyes on the plane yesterday, Spencer felt his heart constrict to the size of a pulp. He'd done that to her. He'd made her feel awful. He'd broken her down and blamed her for something that she was being nothing but a great girlfriend about. Never before had he felt so ridden with guilt from the inside out.

Spence turned on his side to face the empty space where she would be lying right now if she was alive. She'd look back at him and smile and comment about how she thought something he did was cute. She'd run her fingers through his hair and he'd rub circles on the skin of her hip with his thumb.

Knowing he'd never have that again, Spencer reached over and pulled her pillow into his chest, burying his face into the fabric and letting his body shake with sobs once more. It smelled like Eucalyptus, her favorite shampoo and his favorite scent to smell while burying his face in her hair. He wanted her back. He wanted to fix everything. But now, he could only bury his face in her pillow and smell her scent while letting greif bury him deep in darkness.

**WARNING: SPOILERS FROM NEWEST EPISODE**

** Amazing episode tonight, but at the end, for me personally, completely ruined. I don't like the lady Spencer asked to coffee. Sorry if you do, but I hate who they casted. Fans have been waiting so long for a girlfriend for Spencer and this is a pure disappointment. There is no chemistry. She looks likes she's like ten years older than him. She just plain annoying and reminds me of a PTA mom. I. Cannot. Express. How. Angry. I. Am. **

** I'm hoping it won't turn into anything. She's completely wrong. There are certain characters you can look at like JJ and Will and just say, wow they're adorable. This lady, is not at all one of them. **

** Anyone else have other thoughts if you've seen the newer episode? I'm hoping it won't turn into anything more than just coffee or not even that.**


End file.
